Thursday, August 7, 2008

If you want to jump off the bandwagon, then shut up and do it already

For those of you who are fastidious readers of the comments over at the Drunk Jays Fans' lair, you may have noticed that we kinda lost our shit a little over there talking about the people who call in to JaysTalk to proclaim their impending exit from the Jays' bandwagon. It was a caffeine and dumbass-induced rage, and we sincerely apologize if our language may have offended.

But while our language may have been a little off-putting, the substance of that comment stands: we are sick and tired of people smugly going declaring that they are through with the Jays, or that they are going to stop following them, or that they are never going to the 'Dome again.

Here's the thing: It shouldn't be a source of pride that you are giving up on your team.

Sure, every team needs their casual fans who will drift in and drift out depending on the team's fortunes. That's a given. But if you are a casual fan, then don't be a fucking obnoxious douchebag about how you've had enough of the team. Just pack up your shit and leave quietly, because your lack of commitment to the Blue Jays means that you don't have any right to be indignant at the shite state of affairs that the team may be in. So fuck off.

Seriously: you think this is bad? Do you remember sitting through about five years of Alex Fucking Gonzalez whiffing on a breaking ball away for strike one in every goddamned at bat? Do you remember when Orlando Merced was the big masher in the heart of the order? Do you remember Shawn Green being benched in favour of Reuben Sierra? Or having to cheer for Craig Grebeck, Jacob Brumfield, or Frank Castillo? Do you remember watching Joey Hamilton haul his stupid goatee and his fat ass out to the mound every five days to disappoint us once again? Do you remember the Jays signing Danny Darwin and Frank Viola in the same year? And releasing them both within months?

You wanna fucking talk about Russ Adams again? How about we talk about Eddie Zosky?

You think that Alex Rios doesn't always have his head in the game? Check the Level of Excellence for the name George Bell. If you are a fan, you may remember that he suffered from some of the same lapses.

You think that watching a team that is seven games out of the Wild Card and two games above .500 is painful? You don't know what pain is!

You know why we sat through all of those years? Because we are die-hard. Which is to say that we don't discard the team when they get off to a slow start, or when another team is leapfrogging them in the standings. We stick with it because the promise is out there that one day, we'll reach the glorious heights again, and we'll feel that elation.

And you know when that day comes, you fuckers will be out there celebrating in the streets as though you didn't betray the team a dozen times since Joe Carter touched 'em all (Judas!!). But deep down, you'll know what a pathetic fraud you are. So don't be so proud of yourselves and your bold declarations now.

There are lots of you fairweather fans out there who can talk about the salad days of the franchise, and how excited you were when they won in '92 and '93. But do you know how we can tell who the real fans are? They're the people who remember the collapses in 1987 and 1990. They remember Garth Iorg's dribbler and Frank Tanana's junkballing and Mickey Tettleton hitting a walkoff homer on the last day of the season off Tom Henke.

That pain runs deep.

So seriously: if you want to brag about what a choking crybaby girlie-man panty-waisted nancy-boy you are, and how you're too much of an emotional wimp to make any sort of a commitment to a team, then go right ahead. Tell the world that you were over-pampered by your clinging mother, and you're too much of a sissy to hang in there through the bad times.

Maybe while you are at it (and in between your manicure and chest-waxing), you could tell your significant other how you'll leave them as soon as the going gets tough because you can't hack it if everything doesn't go your way.

But believe us when we tell you that you'll maintain your dignity if you just shut up and leave quietly.

Good riddance.

33 comments:

Michael said...

I'm relatively new here and I love the blog...

That. Was. Awesome...well said.

It's tough to get good Blue Jays news and perspective in South Carolina so I rely on you guys for that.

Keep up the good work.

bs said...

awesome

Kamran said...

Nice.

dave said...

I don't even know how people can complain about lack of success; 5 Division Titles, 2 Pennants and 2 World Series Championships in 30 years. Chicago Cubs' fans would KILL to have that kind of success.

Sure, I understand complaining, I'm annoyed too, but to ditch out because we haven't won it all lately? Spoiled brat. Haven't been in the playoffs in a long while?Sorry if Baseball doesn't let most of the league into the playoffs like the NHL.

I agree, good riddance.

Also, George Bell = Manny Ramirez.

Anonymous said...

:Thumbs up:

Well put.

Blue Jay Dave said...

Fuckin' sweet post.

That list of failures brings back alot of bad memories and actually makes me proud for sticking with the Jays, unlike those douchebags who haven't followed the team since they dropped off in mid-90s. Throw in a little Carlos Garcia and Randy Myers shit while you're at it. Oh, how awful the Gord Ash years truly were at times.

The Southpaw said...

STANDING.
O.

I'll be pimping this little beauty....

~Will

melted said...

badass post, way to go. this is exactly the kind of stuff I've been thinking after seeing and hearing all the morons call in to bitch to wilner and/or JP.

mathesond said...

Well said, bravo

sager said...

Effin' A. I promise to build many churches, temples and mosques in your honour.

Did I watch less of the Jays when they went for a dump in May, June, whenever? Sure I did. And I joked about coming out as a Rays fan, or a Brewers fan, but I know there's no force that could ever make me cheer for another team. I might give the Jays a break now and again, but I'm always back.

As the season slips down, I find myself making sure to watch some of each game, or listen to the post-game, because I know we're getting closer to the end of the season when I won't have my Jays to watch anymore, and when I don't have that, the days seem a lot longer.

The playoffs are a long shot, but as long as there's a game, there's something to look forward to.

Travis Snider in his Triple-A debut: 2-for-3, 2 RBI.

The Ack said...

This post makes me proud to be Weekend Editor of this blog.

Seriously.

fantasybaseballmacbookpro said...

Interesting post. One of the better posts I have read here on the blog in a while.

On the positive side, the Jays do have some Fantasy Studs like Halladay and Rios (if he could hit some more long bombs).

http://fantasybaseballmacbookpro.blogspot.com/

eyebleaf said...

this post is why i read, and love, The Tao of Stieb...

cheers, tao.

Tony said...

Excellent post and FWIW, I've been following the Jays since 1985 from Scotland and have only had the opportunity to visit in 1990 and 1998. Got down to spring training in 2003 also and cherish every fucking minute of those times. These fair weather fans would do well to heed your advice.

Seriously.

Anonymous said...

Argh! Up 3-1 in the AL pennant in '85.
Jays fans also experience new kind of pain this year -- I sit and look at my baseball card shrine to Jesse Barfield, and then I skim over his blog over at CBC. Such promise ... such promise...
Bravo on the piece Tao.

Darren Priest said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
silvestre said...

That was good - lots of truth in there. However, as one of those JP bashers i feel obliged to point out that there is a large difference between being a diehard fan (which i am and always will be) and blindly swallowing JP bullshit. He's a thoroughly mediocre GM, who happens to come across as completely unlikable on a personal level. Some (15%? maybe) of the people who call in to criticize him make fair and reasonable points that are never addressed because he is such a condescending prick.

Darren Priest said...

One good thing about the Alex Gonzalez years: he was really handsome.

Anonymous said...

really, the only fair and reasonable point to make against jp is that he's said some things he shouldn't have. But how many GMs have a weekly talk show? some stuff is gonna come out that sounds bad. Any other criticism is purely hindsight.

silvestre said...

Any other criticism is purely hindsight.

Well isn't that true of any person, in any job? You get judged on your record and achievements. Not too many people get canned because of what they might do in the future.

Ian H. said...

Did Mike Toth also happen to see this post? I couldn't help but notice his latest rant is also on fairweather fans:

http://www.sportsnet.ca/more/blogs/2008/08/07/toth_fans/

/a said...

A-frigging-men. Beautiful. This might be the best thing ever posted on The Tao, and that's saying something.

Darren Priest said...

Mike Toth thinks the "wave" is lame and only started by guys who live in their mother's basement. Basement dwellers seem to be responsible for a lot: blogging about baseball stats; sending out viruses; starting the wave.

I hear some basement dwellers are actually fair-weather fans of the Blue Jays too.

Before you ask, I have a house. But I live in the Maritimes and they give you a house, a goat, and a dory for getting your grade 10 out here.

Buck16 said...

I bow to the Tao.

When we return to the promise land I hope the 6,400 real fans in Toronto and around the world are the only ones allowed to celebrate inside the Dome and on Blue Jays Way.

Unfortunately, the wagon will be overflowing (see: Raptors, Toronto) by then.

True Fan said...

Excellent post. Just excellent.

The people who jump on and off the bandwagon aren't just not Jays' fans, they're also not baseball fans. Baseball's a game of long seasons that repeat themselves year after year. The true fan appreciates something like winning a pennant or a World Series not as an accomplishment for one season, but something that's been built up over years and decades. When the Jays won the World Series in 1992, true fans thought back to all that it took to get there, from 1977 to 1991, every small step forward and every step back, including the near-misses in 85, 87, 89, etc. -- not just the elation of one stellar season.

In 1992, in celebration of the Jays' WS win, my wife bought me a beautiful Blue Jays watch. With few exceptions, I've worn that watch every day since, through seasons so dismal that people laughed at me for supporting such a poor team. But, for me, it's been a source of pride and I've never once considered not wearing it. It's a small point, but if you're a real fan, nothing will deter you from supporting your team.

Cheers.

Robbie Alomar said...

I think fairweather fans are fine, as I somewhat consider myeself one... even though I write about the Jays, I would consider myself a baseball fan much more than a Jays fan, mostly because this team has had very little to cheer about for the past 15 years... so I'm not sure where your disdain lies with people who follow the team, but lose interest when they find the team is actually still pretty shit after 15 seasons... I'll post on my blog soon to flush this out... but yeah, Tao, I see where you're coming from, but I'll try to re-but a few things here :) Go Jays???

John Brattain said...

Personally, I think the difference between the die-hard and the bandwagoneer is simple addiction.

The addicts vent, scream, yell, bellyache and sometimes wish they could wash their hands to it all. But we can’t. We keep coming back thinking that it cannot possibly get any worse. When it does, we come back and think that it can cannot possibly get any worse…

Rinse, blather, repeat.

The bandwagoneers never got the Blue Jays into their bloodstream hence it’s easy to break away when things get bad.

This year, my frustration is with Ricciardi--he’ll give a shot to John Parrish and Scott Richmond but stick with Brad Wilkerson and Matt Stairs even though there are probably guys in the minors who could outhit them at this point.

When offense is the team’s Achilles heel yet he blithely ignores the need to make any changes yet tinkers endlessly with the pitching staff…

Yeah, there’s a different between injuries and ineffectiveness but the bottom line is the same--they cannot contribute in the field.

Wilkie batting second? Is there any other team that would run a guy slugging less than .250 (since Cito was rehired) into RF and bat him second? If my manager were doing that I’d make sure he doesn’t have that option and give him more productive players to use.

That’s what is so frustrating--Ricciardi sees no problem with it and seems befuddled that fans object. He’d rather have Wilkerson than Adam Dunn and cannot understand why he’s criticized?

Anyway Tao--great post. Very well said.

I just wish the addiction didn’t hurt so damned much--then again, who am I to talk? I’m four-plus decades cheering for the Maple Leafs--truly an Oedipus Complexing offspring of an unmarried parents.

Best Regards

John

cubs fan said...

Well said Tao.

Parker said...

As usual I agree with Mr. Brattain, and silvestre said almost verbatim what I was thinking. Those of us who have given up on the team aren't always fair-weather fans. Some of us are die-hard fans who have had enough of watching our team's fine legacy fading into the background due to the actions of the general manager who repeatedly contradicts himself in words and action, and seems more than willing to sacrifice the team's long-term success to save his own job.

Further to that, I've had enough of the "how many other GM's respond to calls every week on a radio show?" defense for Ricciardi's smug, self-involved, and often flat-out dishonest and idiotic behavior in the media. I'll ignore for a minute the fact that most of his self-serving lies and head-shaking quotes don't even come from the call-in show. Let's focus on the concept that when a certain act has very little upside and a whole lot of potential for disaster, an intelligent observer should not defend the person committing those acts. Doesn't it make more sense to condemn the act itself? Doesn't it make more sense to wonder why Ricciardi even bothers to do the call-in show if he gives such a distasteful impression of himself as a result? When a drunk driver crashes their car, you don't defend the act by saying that of course they crashed their car, what would you expect of a drunk driver? Maybe deciding against driving drunk would make more sense. That might not be the best analogy, but I think it reinforces the point I'm trying to make. For JP to be thought of as even an average general manager, he needs to keep his mouth shut a whole lot more. At the very least.

MK Piatkowski said...

Whenever I see posts like this, I thank God I'm not a Mariners fan. They came in the same time we did and we have a hell of a lot more to show for it.

Me, I suffered through the Rick Bosetti years so I think I trump all of you.

And I'm really sick of all the dumping on Riccardi. Yes, he's made mistakes but you know what, everyone does. And he's done some great things too. And the reality is that as much as we lust after the star deals, he's working with a middling team with a lot of upside and a foreign city as its home base. He's become the whipping boy for fan frustration and I feel that's really undeserved.

Anonymous said...

Honestly, JP actually brought me back to the Jays. I loved the late 80's teams. I didn't really care about 90's teams. JP dumped Gonzalez and I have been hooked ever since.
-brent in Korea

Chris Pope said...

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