For those of you who are fastidious readers of the comments over at the Drunk Jays Fans' lair, you may have noticed that we kinda lost our shit a little over there talking about the people who call in to JaysTalk to proclaim their impending exit from the Jays' bandwagon. It was a caffeine and dumbass-induced rage, and we sincerely apologize if our language may have offended.
But while our language may have been a little off-putting, the substance of that comment stands: we are sick and tired of people smugly going declaring that they are through with the Jays, or that they are going to stop following them, or that they are never going to the 'Dome again.
Here's the thing: It shouldn't be a source of pride that you are giving up on your team.
Sure, every team needs their casual fans who will drift in and drift out depending on the team's fortunes. That's a given. But if you are a casual fan, then don't be a fucking obnoxious douchebag about how you've had enough of the team. Just pack up your shit and leave quietly, because your lack of commitment to the Blue Jays means that you don't have any right to be indignant at the shite state of affairs that the team may be in. So fuck off.
Seriously: you think this is bad? Do you remember sitting through about five years of Alex Fucking Gonzalez whiffing on a breaking ball away for strike one in every goddamned at bat? Do you remember when Orlando Merced was the big masher in the heart of the order? Do you remember Shawn Green being benched in favour of Reuben Sierra? Or having to cheer for Craig Grebeck, Jacob Brumfield, or Frank Castillo? Do you remember watching Joey Hamilton haul his stupid goatee and his fat ass out to the mound every five days to disappoint us once again? Do you remember the Jays signing Danny Darwin and Frank Viola in the same year? And releasing them both within months?
You wanna fucking talk about Russ Adams again? How about we talk about Eddie Zosky?
You think that Alex Rios doesn't always have his head in the game? Check the Level of Excellence for the name George Bell. If you are a fan, you may remember that he suffered from some of the same lapses.
You think that watching a team that is seven games out of the Wild Card and two games above .500 is painful? You don't know what pain is!
You know why we sat through all of those years? Because we are die-hard. Which is to say that we don't discard the team when they get off to a slow start, or when another team is leapfrogging them in the standings. We stick with it because the promise is out there that one day, we'll reach the glorious heights again, and we'll feel that elation.
And you know when that day comes, you fuckers will be out there celebrating in the streets as though you didn't betray the team a dozen times since Joe Carter touched 'em all (Judas!!). But deep down, you'll know what a pathetic fraud you are. So don't be so proud of yourselves and your bold declarations now.
There are lots of you fairweather fans out there who can talk about the salad days of the franchise, and how excited you were when they won in '92 and '93. But do you know how we can tell who the real fans are? They're the people who remember the collapses in 1987 and 1990. They remember Garth Iorg's dribbler and Frank Tanana's junkballing and Mickey Tettleton hitting a walkoff homer on the last day of the season off Tom Henke.
That pain runs deep.
So seriously: if you want to brag about what a choking crybaby girlie-man panty-waisted nancy-boy you are, and how you're too much of an emotional wimp to make any sort of a commitment to a team, then go right ahead. Tell the world that you were over-pampered by your clinging mother, and you're too much of a sissy to hang in there through the bad times.
Maybe while you are at it (and in between your manicure and chest-waxing), you could tell your significant other how you'll leave them as soon as the going gets tough because you can't hack it if everything doesn't go your way.
But believe us when we tell you that you'll maintain your dignity if you just shut up and leave quietly.