Vernon Wells Feels Defeat at the Hands of a Two-Pound Pink Weight

In what passes for news at this point, Vernon Wells told the assembled reporters at last night's Salute to Upscale Luxury Bathrooms (For Our Childrens' Future) event that he was undone by effeminate gym equipment after his offseason shoulder surgery.

"I kind of lost all the strength in my shoulder, and the little two-pound pink weight that I had was kicking my butt. So it was a little scary there for a little while." (From the National Post's unreliable Jeremy Sandler.)

He hastened to add: "But its all better now." Which presumably means that he's kicking ass with that four-pound aquamarine weight.

Unfortunately, there was no follow up questions to find out if V-Dub is able to pull on his leg warmers by himself yet.

Wells assessed himself thusly: "I'm pretty much 100%." With a ringing self-endorsement like that, we should plan on at least 30 homers this year, right?

Those Mutton Chops Won't Keep You Warm In This Weather, Hoss
MLB.com's Jordan Bastian, who may or may not have mistook the Upscale Luxury Bathroom^TM potpourri for trail mix, reports that Dustin McGowan wasn't fond of Toronto's piss-freezing cold January weather.

"I walked outside and the wind was blowing as hard as it could blow," McGowan said. "I don't think I've felt cold like that before."

McGowan was also overwhelmingly confident when discussing the Jays' chances this year: "I think we'll be pretty good." Print those World Series tickets now!