Friday, June 25, 2010

Awkward angry meetings with our exes

We've already wasted too much energy and too much digital ink waxing poetic, philosophic and nostalgic over Roy Halladay. So, on this, the first meeting in which our side faces its former ace in game action, we have one simple thought:

Fuck Doc.

Seriously. Fuck him, and fuck his "30 win season", and his postseason aspirations, and his perfunctory full page ads in the Sun. You wanna wear another team's laundry, then fine...but we hope our guys hammer you all over their borrowed "home field" tonight.

In this post-Halladay era, the supposedly hapless Jays sit at 39-34, four and a half games back in the AL East and the AL Wild Card race. Meanwhile, the unstoppable force that is the 138 million-dollar Phillies, armed to the teeth with Doc and an incomparable offense, sit at 38-32, mid-pack in the NL East. Behind the Mets. We're pretty sure that's the way that you all figured it was going to play out.

Look: We respect all that guy did for our team while he was in Toronto, so we don't wish anything painful or catastrophic upon him. We just want to watch his neck get sore as he's watching moonshots lofted into the Philadelphia skyline tonight.

Friday Rock Out - Sad Bastard Country Ballad Edition
In honour of our continued attempts to put our former ace out of our mind, we offer the greatest of all sad bastard country ballads, captured live on Canada's own Ronnie Prophet Show.


The Ack said...

Can't deal.

Sending my daughter to the inlaws tonight and locking myself in the basement with a bottle while the wife watches PVR'd episodes of the Bachelorette upstairs.

It's up to the Jays and Doc to decide whether it's a happy or sad drunk.

Either way, I suppose. I call it "therapy".

Navin Vaswani (@eyebleaf) said...

So fucking beautifully put, Tao.

Fuck Doc. Go Jays. Hope he doesn't make it to the third inning.

Tao of Stieb said...

A tip for that kind of therapy, Ack:

Have lots of pillows around in case you need something to throw. *(This is why they call them throw pillows, right?)

Better to throw a pillow than a bottle.

And the bottle of pills? Hide it.

GCM1979 said...

I love Doc, and always will. Heck, I hope he re-signs with us when his Philly contract is up.

That being said, Doc, you're soooooo getting pummeled tonight!


Tao of Stieb said...

Or as my childhood neighbour would say: "We're gonna pumble him!"

Let the pumbling begin!

Ty said...

Remember when the Jays faced Doc in Spring Training?

The game started with back-to-back homers from J-Bau and Hill, followed by doubles by Lind and some guy who was playing third base at the time, and more RBI's from the bat of Gonzalez.

And hey, just for fun, let's take a look at Doc's line against AL teams this year:

0-3, 6.86 ERA, 1.576 WHIP

I hate that the Jays are playing this series in Philly, but at least they'll get to take advantage of that ridiculous bandbox and hit a bajillion home runs there. I don't know why, but I've never been as certain of anything as I am of this: Jose Bautista is taking Halladay yard, at least once. And I love Doc, but beating him is going to be awesome.

Roy said...

FUCK YOU TAO!!! Hope I perfect game your shitty ass team tonight.

Darren Priest said...

I hear Cliff Lee is going to the Mets. At least nobody in the AL East got him.

Darren Priest said...

I think George was in the prime of his boozing years in this video.

I love this song.

Ian Hunter said...

I just can't hate on Doc, can't do it: even if it's Game 7 of the World Series between the Jays and the Phillies and Doc's on the mound, I can't root against him.

That being said, if Bautista hits a home run off him tonight, all bets are off!

Parker said...

I'm rooting for Doc. Feel free to blame me if the Jays get shut out tonight and end up missing the playoffs by one game.

Mylegacy said...

I love Doc - always will. No buts.

There is however - a "however" - "However" much I love him I've a very good feeling that we're going to smack his pinky white ass and our pinky red faced lovable ball of blubber is gonna end up with the win.

Go Jessie - Doc who?

Darren Priest said...

I never really got too into Roy Halladay as a Jay. He was just doing his job -- just ask Brandi. Now that's he not a Jay, he's just another tough pitcher the Jays have to face.

It's sucked to lose Delgado, but Roy Halladay is just another guy who once played in Toronto during a lacklustre period in the teams history. Might as well be David Wells or Mike Bordick.

Brad Fullmer Fan said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Brad Fullmer Fan said...

How about a 1-0 win?