Tuesday, May 20, 2008

The Interleague Intern checks in

As noted previously, we took a brave step forward in engaging an intern to write us a summary of his experiences at this weekend's Jays-Phillies series.

As with any intern, the enthusiasm for the task was definitely there, even if the work itself needed a little tidying up.

The Interleague Intern shall remain nameless, if only because we know that having your name tied to certain debaucherous activities can be met with a certain amount of scorn in the corporate offices of, oh, let's say a big insurance company.

Here are the (mostly) unexpunged thoughts from the intern's adventures in the city of Brotherly (and apparently Sisterly) Love:

Got into Philadelphia about 3 O'clock on Friday afternoon and had to make to required 1st stop at Jim's Steaks in south Philly, forget Pat's and Geno's (the places you always see on TV) they pale in comparison to what Jim's has to offer. After increasing my risk of heart disease, my friends and I proceeded to check into our hotel about 10 miles outside downtown Philly. Staying outside of Philly sucks, but since it was graduation weekend for seemingly all of Philadelphia's Universities (they have more colleges than A.J. Burnett has stints on the DL) I had no choice but to stay farther away than I'd like and taxi it around due to my constant drunken state.

Went to a titty bar in East Philly which was a $20 cover, but being able to bring your own beer makes it all the worth while. (The EDITORS ASK: Is this a common practice in the States? How do they call themselves a bar if they don't sell booze?) Was able to stay anonymous as a Jays fan which was fine by me since we got our asses handed to us by Jayson Werth. Not sure if what went on was legal in this bar, but I must say, the 11:30 "Lesbian Show" was completely fucking insane. I figured perhaps some girls grinding on each other and some light spanking, but I was pleasantly shocked by what I saw. 4 girls took the stage and paired off into two's, two of them proceeded (EDITORS NOTE: Yikes! Various unnatural acts censored, for the sake of the children!) while making out. I could not believe it, but it sure was as satisfying as back to back world series wins. No Blue Jays fans seen this night, even in the tourist areas later that evening. We headed back to our hotel about 3 a.m. and drank some more knowing the Saturday game wasn't until 7 at night.

Day 2. Arrive about 5 at Citizens Bank Park, which is a nice field, but too far from downtown to walk. My friends and I go to our seats in left center field by the bullpens and watch batting practice. So after watching the Phillies hit, the Jays start their thing and based on their BP you figure they can actually hit in games, as we all know this isn't the case. I managed to catch a BP HR from Matt Stairs. Rios sure can mash when there's no pressure and no velocity, I hope he can start killing the ball again in live games and even little David Eckstein managed to park a BP homer. I think after he did that, he ran down to the clubhouse to call his mom and ask how proud she is of him. Anyways, to the game itself - Scott Rolen was heavily booed for some reason (Philly fans are completely oblivious to the fact that the Phils traded him) and he ripped a double down the line. A base running blunder (first of many) ended the inning. In the 2nd, bases loaded with Barajas up (more booing from the retarded Phillies fans - he had his option declined by Philly after last year) I was just praying for a clutch hit which we don't get very often, but was shocked as hell when the ball went over the fence. I went nuts and got shit thrown on me for doing so. After that the game got pretty dull for a while, AJ surprisingly never had the horrendous inning I expect from him each start. The Phillies inched to within 1 going into the ninth but after Barajas came through again, and a key error by that fat ass Howard we had a nice cushion for B.J. and the game was sealed. Player of the game obviously Barajas and Goat of the game was obviously Howard (0-4 3K and an Error) I find it amazing how the Philly fans can cheer Howard and his .185 batting average, but boo Santa Claus. Anyways finally while leaving the stadium I got some verbal abuse from some drunk idiots one guy actually asked to fight in the parking lot, but I just reminded him of 1993 and kept walking. It's amazing that every time a cordial Phillies fan asked where I'm from they always phrased it "Are you actually from Canada?" (I'm not, but am not surprised that one assumes that all Jays fans are Canadian) When I state that I'm from Virginia, they remind me that apparently I'm a bad U.S. citizen for rooting for the Jays and proceed to be an asshole after asking nicely. Saturday night was pretty calm compared to Friday, got hammered and went to bed.

Day 3. RAIN - and lots of it. Kinda spoiled the Phanatic's birthday. Marcum had 3K's in the first, but unfortunately a 2 run HR by fat ass Howard put Philly up. After a boring ass 2 hour rain delay only exciting part was watching the Pens/Flyers on the big screen and seeing more Philadelphia misery, the game resumed. For the second day in a row, a shocking big HR got us going (if only we could get back 2006 Overbay while Wells is hurt). More rain and another shocking big hit from Shannon Stewart. A fantastic relief performance by Doc, an unsteady 9th from B.J.and it was 2 wins in 2 day for me to witness. It was back to the lot and 6 hours of driving for me to go back home but of course some more venom from the Philly faithful who were extra pissed due to the constant reminder of the Flyers score throughout the game, but I didn't care I'll always have 1993 and they got nothing on us,and once again we took the series just like we did back in the day. I left the city with visions of Cheese steaks, vagina, alcohol, and obnoxious Philly fans, but still the only thing I could hear was "Touch them all, Joe. You'll never hit a bigger home run in your life"

Overall, Jays fans were few and far between, maybe saw 30 of them over the two days perhaps that's why the Philly fans weren't too bad, I've seen the way they treat Mets fans, but since we hardly ever play each other and they have nothing on us I didn't get too much shit. Hopefully I'll see more Jays fans when I travel to Yankee stadium at the end of August.

It's a good thing we own Philly, but then again who doesn't (over 10,000 losses and counting, 1 world series in 125 years, and oddly enough, they were officially the Philadelphia Blue Jays from 1944 to 1945)


Anonymous said...

Interleague intern here, the b.y.o.b thing is usually confined to full nude strip clubs in the states. They get away with that because it's a "private club" because they charge a 20$ "membership fee". And also I don't care if people know who I am, since my "big insurance company" actually doesn't employ me, they kind of work for me...

I can be reached at chrisrobbins1980@yahoo.com if you'd like to know what the various unnatural acts that are censored.

Thanks Tao of Steib for the chance to intern!

Anonymous said...

i give your article three baseballs out of five

Darren Priest said...

An American Jays fan? Now I've heard everything!

Anonymous said...

Dude - I'll see you at Yankee Stadium in August. Well done...