Monday, January 12, 2009

The Tao's (Absurdly Obvious) Wandering Eye: Manny Ramirez

It seems like every time we mention some barely-above-replacement-level player who we think might be a fit for the Jays, we almost immediately get the same comments asserting how idiotic we are for wanting Scrubby McBencherson instead of Manny Ramirez.

Which, in itself, is kind of idiotic, because OF FREAKING COURSE WE WANT THE JAYS TO SIGN MANNY RAMIREZ!

Not at any price, mind you. But if Manny's value in the free agent market were to fall (supposing it has), and if a shorter-term deal could be struck and if that deal were at a reasonable per annum salary that wouldn't remove all of the team's payroll flexibility, then by all means sign Manny up and stock up on officially logofied Jays do-rags.

Then again, if Evanka Osmak had a pendulous ball-sack, they'd call her Evan.

The point to some of these time-wasting free agent pool excavations that we do on occasion is to find guys who we think might fit on the active roster and in the Jays' likely diminishing payroll structure. We thought that was a given, but apparently not.

Steve Simmons - Still an idiot after all these years
It's always a treat when our Google News alerts turn up something from Sun Media tree-killer Steve Simmons. Simmons' Sunday column is a craptacular thing of beauty, in which the tiresome hack fills the tabloid with more than a thousand words worth of meaningless speculation, thoughtless piling on and drive-by putdowns on any number of subjects.

This weekend, as per ususal, Steve-O drops in a gratuitous swipe or two at J.P. Ricciardi's expense:

"Shouldn't the Blue Jays at least pretend to be interested in somebody this winter, like a Ben Sheets? Couldn't they just fake it for our amusement?"

Absolutely, Steve-o-rino. J.P. should pretend to blow his budget to amuse you so that you have something to write about next Sunday. Lord knows that executives make their best decisions when they are trying to keep the baying jackals in the media entertained or at bay.

And moreover, we really appreciate the lack of context that you've provided in your snappy one-liner. (You must have been a big fan of Cracked Magazine's "Shut Ups" too!) It makes it so much easier for us to shape our opinion on J.P.'s inactivity this offseason when you neglect to mention that the vast majority of teams are also sitting back and waiting for the price of the remaining free agents to fall.

Why are Ben Sheets, Manny Ramirez, Adam Dunn, Oliver Perez, Orlando Hudson, Orlando Cabrera, and Bobby Abreu still unemployed? Obviously because J.P. Ricciardi is a big stupid head who hasn't signed them all!

Fire J.P.! Hire Steve Simmons! Ignorance is stregnth!


The Ack said...

I've been singing a modified Barry Manilow song in my head for a few months...."Well you homered and stopped me from shaking, and I need you today, oh Manny...."

That's just wrong, right?

Torgen said...

Better than a modified version of Looks Like We Made It.

Tao of Stieb said...

As Stephen Colbert would say:


Darren Priest said...

I wish I like Colbert. Then I would have an hour of appointment TV instead of 30 minutes.

Brendan said...

Ack's a Fanilow.

Brendan said...

Oh, and fuck Manny, I wanna get Wiggy with it.

dave said...

I just assumed you had never heard of Manny, Tao.

Anonymous said...

Tao, you failed to mention one important fact. J.P. moron knew before the last pitch was thrown in the world series that Burnett was gone, but he pretended to go through the motions to say they had sixteen million to spend on him. If Riccardi was a real GM instead of the worst mistake in Toronto history, he would have inked a DH, and two starting pitchers with the cash and then said, Look board of directors of Rogers, I understand we can't sign Burnett now, but at least you can't cancel the funds for your own greedy pockets when Ted Rogers passed on and Who cares if Burnett walked. The Jays would be stronger in 09, instead of going through the motions now without three players that could help. Instead of Clement and Maroth, they would have had Garland and Wolf, etc starting that actually would have played a game.

The Ack said...

Anon 12:59, you say this as if Ricciardi's name is the one that actually endorses the cheques.

I'm quite certain that, given his druthers, Ricciardi would be in on Manny, Derek Lowe, and Raf Furcal. You think he's enjoying sitting out the offseason (to date)?

Torgen said...

Anonymous: You think the Jays should pay Garland to pitch for them? Doesn't that discredit the rest of your argument?

Tao of Stieb said...


Here are three things that we find lacking with your argument:

1) Rogers isn't putting the money back into their pockets. With the change in the value of the Canadian dollar and the increases in salaries to the other players on their roster, Rogers is going to be putting the same amount of money (or more in Cdn $) into the payroll.

It's just that the US $ figure will likely decline, and that wasn't something that they were banking on in September 08.

2) If J.P. had gone out early to try to sign these players, he would have paid a premium to get them, which would have been dumb. You'll note that Garland and Wolf are still out there, and their value is going down by the day.

(And P.S., Wolf wants to pitch in the NL, so there's no way he would have signed right off the bat with the Jays.)

3) As we celebrate the 10th Anniversary of Mel Lastman calling in the Canadian Armed Forces to clear the snow in Toronto, we find it hard to hang the title of "Worst Mistake in Toronto History" on J.P..

Joanna said...


Anonymous said...

Tao, this is what I find lacking with your argument:

1 The Rogers have had a record profit last year ,no? They could pull a REd Sox or Yankee deal and plow some money short term to get fannies into the seats. Instead, the Red Sox make all these smart lost cost major league signings , what do the Rogers do? They tie Jp's hand behind his back. I don't care how much the Canuck dollar has gone done etc so on, the Rogers can spend a little money to keep up with the Joneses in order to compete in the division instead, the Jays get the garbage beneath the bottom of the barrel.

2 Garland and Wolf? From the looks of it, Colon and Pavano were not affordable to the jays, so why Garland or wolf? Look , Toronto is not a premimium spot for free agents to come to UNLESS they are paid ex AJ and BJ. They couldn't even afford cheap players like Colon and Pavano, or even Tim Redding how in heaven's name can they afford Garland and Wolf, even now. Also, a team like Toronto (if they wanted to win) , have to be aggressive in getting people they want. It seems like the Rogers are content with what , they are doing. Like Darren Priest said, wouldn't it be great if Cuban bought this team? Now the Jays get the scraps.

3 JP? JP shares the record with Ed Wade of being the only GM to be GM this long and not make the playoffs.He's had ample team to improve the situation and he has missed his mark. If you wanna defend him, be very mindful that the vast majority of GMs would be fired after this period of failure, like Wade was with the Phillies. Gillick came on AND got them over the hump. It would be cooly ironic if Gillick came back and made Toronto a great team again with Cito at the helm ,because things are not working right now. I love wilner's stupid spin about the Jays not being as bad as the ASH era etc so on. They didn't make the playoffs either and were n't sniffing them either. the sad thing this season is that everybody is saying 2010. 2010? Yeah, I forgot the Red Sox, yanks and Tampa will suck and let the Jays into the playoffs, right? Wrong! That will be in my estimation, the year Doc walks because of this BS from JP, the cheapwad Rogers and all the excuses.