Cables and mea culpas from Down Under

So, I guess we couldn't have been much more wrong about Cliff Lee's mindset, huh?

Rather than showing Roy Halladay and his bride who's who and what's what, we're presuming that Lee will soon make his way to Doc and Brandy's to fry up a mess o' fish that his new rotation pal has just caught.

Which just goes to show you that the rest of the world isn't nearly as petty and mean spirited as yours truly. And bully for that.

Other stuff from the other side of the world - Oprah!
We're here in Sydney as Oprah has brought her roadshow to town. And while we haven't managed to meet up with "O" yet, we did bump into her gal pal Gayle King in the markets at The Rocks, not far from the Opera House. And had we been more brave, we would have struck up a conversation with her and the burly man walking with her. Instead, we just snapped photos of her for future conversation starters.

(Incidentally, Gayle literally bumped into me, and I've gotta say that she's a bit of a bruiser. Like, we've gotta hope that after all the BeestMode workouts that the Jays are engaged in this offseason, they come back with big burly arms like hers.)

Searching for baseball news in Australia
There's precious little information to be found about our beloved game down here, so the Jays could trade Travis Snider to the Yankees for a pine tar rag, and we wouldn't hear about it until we get back. Which drives us a little crazy.

Also, we have yet to see Graeme Lloyd or Luke Prokopec down here. If we do, we plan on buying Lloyd a tasty beverage, and punching Prokopec in his Aussie balls. (Ok, probably not. But that's okay, because the chances of actually seeing them are pretty remote.)

A consoling word for you all before we slip back off the grid
As we were leaving the country, the news of Carl Crawford's signing hit and we heard Jays fans start to throw up their hands in frustration. Certainly, that signing combined with the Adrian Gonzalez deal and whatever is sure to come from the Yankees is enough to make you fret over the seeming impossibility of ever getting over and succeeding with such insurmountable behemoths there to tamp out every little ember that begins to glow from our side.

If we could offer one word of solace, it's this: We think that Alex and the new administration are demonstrating a commendable patience in the face of these developments, and that this team is being built with a process that will allow them to consistently have a full pipeline and a strong Major League team. And while it's never going to be as easy as winning any of the other divisions, it will be infinitely sweeter when the time comes and this team makes it to the next level.

(Is it just us, or did we just write the marketing line for a pro-abstinence group right there? Yikes.)

One thing that we'll have to recognize, though, as the Jays proceed through 2011 and beyond in trying to compete with the Yanks and Sox (and possibly still the Rays) is that we have to recalibrate our sense of what constitutes a meaningful game. We've been locked into this old notion of "games whilst in contention against other contenders in September" as what we consider full of meaning. But given the dogfight that we're going to see in the next few seasons, we think that meaningful games in the AL East are going to start much earlier in the season, and we have a fair bit of confidence that the Jays will be playing those games this June, July and August against those opponents.

And how fun is that going to be.

(Mind you, this might all just be the heat stroke talking.)

The Blue Jays are the Greatest Show on Artificial Turf

If there's one thing you can say about the 2010 edition of the Toronto Blue Jays, it's that they are rarely boring. This year's team is so smashingly entertaining that even those who croaked on about how awful they were going to be this year are starting to come around and feel the joy in watching the awesome display of power.

(And yeah, that's you Blair. Welcome to the bright side.)

At present, the Jays lead the Majors in homers by 19 over the Red Sox (88-69), and also lead the collective circuits in doubles (123), slugging (.471), and total bases (836). They sit just two behind the Yankees in RsBI with 264, followed by the Red Sox (260) and Rays (255). Which we mention mostly to remind us all that a third or fourth place finish in the AL East is not like any other division's third/fourth place finish, no matter how much Bobcat McCown spits into his mic in absolute terms about the failures of this team.

So what's our point? Whatever happens in the next week and a half with the series against the Yankees and Rays, we're reasonably sure that the Jays aren't going to go quietly or lose ugly. They are going to compete through all nine innings, and have a puncher's chance of making up ground on their divisional rivals this week.

Did you catch that last bit? We spoke of gaining ground in the race. As if we were speaking about these all-too-fetishized "meaningful games" that people groan on about endlessly. Because that seems to be the gripe of most of the gasbag radio hosts and fatuous general sporting columnists: That the Jays don't play those impactful and important games in September. That none of this stuff matters now, and that we should be suspicious about the early success because the only thing that matters is the last month...or three weeks, or two weeks, or two days, or third-of an inning of the season.

Which has led us to this minor epiphany: The Bruce Arthurs and Dave Perkins and Steve Simmons of the world are a bunch of pasty tourists when it comes to this beautiful game, and we really shouldn't pay them any hommage by listening for even a nanosecond to their all-too-knowing postulations in the preseason about how awful and dreadful the outlook is for the Jays, and why fans should be wary of the team in the here and now. Just because the only part of the season to which they pay any mind is the last bit, it doesn't mean that there isn't fun to be had in the early going.

Because this is supposed to be fun, right? This is baseball. That's why we love it.

We suspect that many of the empty seats in the RC/SkyDome are filled with the ghosts of casual fans who have bought into the steaming pantloads flung by the cynical opportunists who eat up space in the newspaper and on the talk shows. But what we really hope that people recognize over the next few weeks is that they are missing a great season. Maybe the greatest season that they've had in more than a decade. Really.

And this isn't at all like last year's team, who got off to a quick start by beating up on some weaker competition. This is a team that has been in almost every game this season, and has the crushing offensive power to get themselves back into games in a hurry.

Maybe you're the type who can shrug off another JoBau JomeRun, or another extra base hit from Alex Gonzalez, or a screamer off the bat of Vernon Wells. Maybe you can write those off as a fluke and set yourself up to walk ten feet behind the bandwagon, so that no one mistakes you for a sucker should the team falter. But where's the joy in that? Isn't it better to let yourself go and fall for a team once in a while?

We're a third of the way through, and the Jays are just a game back of the Yankees, four and a half back of the Rays and sporting the sixth-best record in all of MLB. They are setting themselves up to be in the Wild Card race, which probably only begins in July, but you can at least consider these first eight weeks the preliminary heats.

And thus far, it's been pretty frickin' fun to watch.

Here comes the MLB Network

The Globe's Bill Houston reports today that Rogers is well on its way to bringing Hazel Mae's oiled up gams to a TV near you.

Rogers is looking to package some requisite CanCon together with content from the recently launched (and much desired, in these parts) MLB Network to form Baseball TV. (Although we'd put money down that the name becomes MLB Network Canada by the time the channel launches.)

Before anyone starts bitching and moaning about the fact that we're not getting the original purely American feed, we'd note that the lattitude that Rogers has in their licence may actually make the Canadian version a better choice. Baseball TV is currently licenced to air 10% live baseball games, which would work out to about five live games per week. (MLB Network currently offers live look ins, like the Score's old Diamond Surfing feature.)

The Canadian content on the channel may actually be a boon to Jays (and Expos) fans if they include classic games from the Canadian franchises. Classic baseball is rarely seen on CTVglobemedia's ESPN Classic Canada (apparently, they can't squeeze it in between Classic Darts and Classic Pub Night).

We firmly believe that there is an appetite for more classic Jays games beyond the handful that we've seen repeatedly (World Series clinchers and what not.) For instance, we'd love to see the Jays' 1991 ALCS games versus the Twins again.

Houston concludes by repeating the speculation that the channel could launch in Canada in the spring, in time for the start of the season. While we would love to see some baseball over the winter to warm our hearts as we shovel out and trudge through snowbanks, it's probably better late than never.

UPDATE: If you want a sense of what the MLB Network has to offer, check out the panel discussion on the Jays homepage featuring Joe Magrane, Harold Reynolds and Al (Blisters on my Blisters!) Leiter. We don't even care if we don't agree with them...it's just nice to hear guys talking baseball.

The Yankees have big bags of money, the Red Sox have big brains
We begrudgingly tip our cap to the Red Sox brain trust, who appear to be close to signing Rocco Baldelli (sorry GROF boys) and John Smoltz. There are all sorts of health risks with both of those players, but if they are healthy, they fit perfectly into the Sox 25-man roster.

To be honest, those signings (if they come to pass) would worry us more than the Yankees' spree and the Rays' signing of Pat Burrell.

A little perspective, if you please

The nice thing about unplugging yourself and getting away for a breather is that it allows you a certain amount of time to reflect and reassess. With the benefit of some time to quietly reflect, you can strip away some of the axiomatic thinking that creeps in and takes over when you are locked into the day to day grind of it all.

We highly recommend it. In fact, we'd especially recommend it to those in the comments sections of this blog and others who have started to freak out at the seeming disparity between the Jays signings and those of other teams, notably the Yankees. Because it's patently ridiculous the way that some are even trying to make some sort of point by comparing the Sabathia-Burnett-Teixeira signings with the Jays' scouring of the fringes to sign a handful of minor league free agents.

"They get C.C.! We get Mike Maroth! Fire J.P.! Fourth place! Gargggrggrghrghr!"

The Yankees, you have to remember, are in full restocking mode. They've lost a number of aging players with big contracts, so they can make all of these signings and maybe more, and still be under last season's payroll number. That's what they are doing now, and they are setting the market for the rest of the league, because they always have. There shouldn't be any cause for alarm.

The Jays' are on minor-league and marginal signings at this point, likely because are waiting (like everyone else) for some more movement in the free agent market amongst the more austere teams. There are lots of big names still on the board, and our guess is that some of them will be left scrambling for dance partners by the time February rolls around.

Besides, the Mike Barrett signing is a greatish one, both for the Jays and for the player. He gets the chance to get out of PetCo Park, and the Jays get a guy who was a Silver Slugger winner as recently as 2005. The signing also provides insurance in the event that Rod Barajas turns into a tubby pumpkin again.

We could definitely see Barrett taking playing time away from Barajas, especially if the latter backslides as he did in the final six weeks of last year.

That's a wrap on 2008
As 2009 lingers alluringly on the horizon, we look forward to turning over the calendar page and taking on another year. Have a great New Year's celebration, and we'll see you on the other side.

Of cups and lips and the best laid plans

Sure, the Yankees have gone out and signed CC Sabathia, and seem prepared to vastly overpay for A.J. Burnett.

But somehow, we find our mind wandering back to four years ago.

Does anyone remember how in 2005, the Yankees brought in the top two free agent pitchers (Jaret Wright and Carl Pavano) and traded for Randy Johnson to supplement a rotation which already had Kevin Brown and Mike Mussina.

At the time, it seemed almost unfair.

But even having secured the three top pitching prizes on the market that year, the Yankees still won six fewer games the next season and lost in the first round of the playoffs. The free agents were absolute busts, and the Big Unit was servicable, if unspectacular.

Moreover, the Yanks haven't played an inning of League Championship action since 2003, two seasons before their spree since 2004, the season before the signings. (We overlooked the '04 ALCS, because it was clearly so forgettable and not at all historic...or possibly because we are really dumb.)

We're just saying.

Update 12/12/08, for the benefit of Baseball Musings readers: We're not comparing CC to Jaret Wright at all...but the Yanks did bring in Big Unit (2.60 ERA, 0.90 WHIP, second in NL Cy Young voting in '04) and Pavano (3.00 ERA, 1.17 WHIP, sixth in NL Cy Young voting '04). So we don't feel as out to lunch with this comparison as some might suggest. But feel free to set us straight.

Serving notice

Last night's 14-3 pummeling of the Yankees was almost too much joy for one night. We laughed, we cried, we gave ourselves a shaving cream pie in the face halfway through. It was a thing of beauty.

And with this being the second time this week that they Jays ended a series against the Axis of AL East Evil with an exclamation mark, we hope that someone recognizes that this team is finally on the upswing. Scratch that: we hope that the Yanks and Sox underestimate the Jays in every series for the rest of the year.

Fun stat of the day
Roy Halladay has not lost a game against the Yankees in Toronto since Opening Day 2003.

John McDonald is the Greatest Offensive Shortstop of Our Era
Right? If nothing else, he has four doubles and five RsBI in his last ten games, hitting .297 with a respectable (for him) .721 OPS. As much as we know that you can't expect a 34 year-old journeyman infielder to become something more than he is, we still think that if he gets regular playing time and sees big league pitchers every day, Johnnie Mac can put numbers up that will be respectable enough to keep him in the lineup, and keep his glove out in the field.

The Yankees suck, and...

Amen.

Regret the blog theft update: This photo and joke were blatantly (if unconsciously) stolen from the always amusing Go Jays Go tumbleblog. We are the Dennis Leary to his Bill Hicks.

All-Star Breakin' 2: Electric Sooze-aloo

God help us, we stuck it out to the bitter end of last night's ridiculously long All-Star Game.

Well, almost. Some time between 1:30 and 1:45 we nodded off, but thanks to the magic of the PVR, we were able to rewind and watch the dramatic sac fly walkoff, then rush off to Sleepyland and continue on that dream where Monica Bellucci and Carla Gugino are fighting over us. (That's a pretty good one.)

In any case, here are the few random thoughts on last night's festivities that we've managed to pluck out of our sleep-deprived brain.

Blink and you missed Doc
As per usual, Roy Halladay was quick and efficient in his inning of work. In a four hour and fifty minute game, Doc saw the field for no more than five minutes, striking out Lance "Fat Elvis" Berkman and helped along by nice plays in the field by Ichiro (who could probably hit the high windows in a Tokyo skyscraper with a pebble - Hola Ichiro!) and Derek Jeter (we feel dirty even saying that).

We were also treated to extended footage of Doc getting pointers on throwing his cutter from Mariano Rivera which goes to show that apparently Sal Fasano's guidance on his cutter grip really didn't stick.

Finally, Doc clarified his comments from the other day, noting that we Blue Jays fans shouldn't be concerned with the possibility of him leaving. (Damn you Stoeten! You're right again!) Blair covers Halladay's response to the mass panic nicely in his piece...although wasn't Snappy one of the guys stirring the pot in the first place?

Hall of Famers and their caps
We actually kinda liked the whole introduction segment, where every Living Hall of Famer was dragged onto the field to demonstrate that Yankee Stadium (rebuilt in 1976, by the way) is the most historic history-thingy in history. But one thing that made us laugh were the shenanigans with the Honoured Members and their ballcaps.

At first, there was Wade Boggs, who wears a Red Sox cap on his plaque, wore his Yankee cap during the celebrations. "That's kinda cheap", we thought. But then we saw Dave Winfield, who aside from wanting noise, apparently wants to wear as many caps as he can. He wore his Padres cap, but then pulled out a Yankees cap and feigned like he was about to put it on for the sake of the New York fans.

The pièce de résistance was Mike Toth's hero Gary Carter, who wore an Expos cap, but flashed his Mets cap when the camera was on him. In Yankee Stadium, no less.

What a maroon.

Josh Hamilton is an inspiration...so we've been told a million times
It would be perfectly fine and dignified of everyone if they would just lay off the whole Josh Hamilton story by about 25%. Yeah, we're pretty impressed with what he has done to rehabilitate himself, and he's a heckuva a ballplayer. But the constant reminders of how far he's come, and how he's totally clean and sober, and ashamed of his tattoos, and how he loves Jesus and America too is a bit much. Yeah, it's a nice story, but by building him up like this, we can't help but feel like there's a spectacular fall coming on the other side. We're not wishing for it at all...but we just know that the same people who are praising his good Christian transformation will crap all over him if he were ever to slip.

Give it a rest.

Terry Francona has learned nothing about managing an All-Star pitching staff
So, that was a bit tense last night for the AL, wasn't it? Given the debacle that was the 2002 All-Star tie in Milwaukee, you'd think that Tito might have thought about keeping a pitcher like Joe Saunders around for extra innings in case he needed him. We have no idea how many pitches that Scott Kazmir had in him last night, but if the game had gone a few innings later and had ended in another tie in spite of the fact that "it counts", then Francona should have been permanently barred from managing in any All-Star Game ever. Or maybe he should be forced to run into the Wrigley field outfield fence at top speed. Again

The Beej feels shame once again

Three things that absolutely killed us at about 5:04 Eastern time yesterday:

1) Knowing that with Johnny Mac (or even Scutaro) patrolling short, that the game would have been over yesterday with A-Rod's slow bouncer. Maybe Rolen was a distraction, but that was a ball that Major League short stop should get. Sorry Scrappy Doo, but you're back on the shit list.

2) Listening to Jamie Campbell absolutely lose his shit AGAIN when the other team wins in a walk off against the Jays. Do you think Hawk Harrelson would squeal like a little girl at a Jonas Brothers concert if the Yanks had beaten the White Sox? Sure, there's a balance between being a nauseating homer and an absolute objective observer, but Campbell should recognize the fact that he's conveying the games events to a few hundred thousand BLUE JAYS FANS, who aren't going to get all sopping wet about the Yankees magic and mystique, blah blah blah. It's like he felt he had to shout over top of Michael Kay in the press box.

3) Of all the Yankees to do it, why did it have to be that wretched douchebag Giambi?

As per usual, Jon Hale at the Mockingbird sums up that last pitch about as well as anyone could. It was a mistake pitch, although we wonder if the Jays shouldn't be backing off on Beej (and Jesse Carlson for that matter) just a bit. We're not sure what the speed was on that meatball, but it seemed to float in there at a snail's pace.

Gargh!

Jesse Litsch is not invincible

Alright, so after hyping our pink, round and efficient marvel hither and yon yesterday, Jesse Litsch gets hit around like a number five pitcher in last night's 5-1 loss to the Yanks. We fully expect to eat crow all day.

More galling still, Worst Person in the World Mike Mussina pitched well as the Jays flailed and waved at his magically evil knuckle curve. (And not that we want to start rumours out of thin air, but...BALL SCUFFER!)

Hey man, a loss is a loss. Even the good teams have got to drop 65-70 games per year. Still, we get a little uneasy when the Jays once again stop hitting with runners in scoring position.

Hey look: afternoon game!
Dustin McGowan versus the Wang at 1:05. Abdicate your work responsibilities and listen in to Jerry and Alan all afternoon.

Shamed by our potty mouth

Wouldn't you know that the moment that we post something that's full of expleted deleteds, we'd have Yahoo's Big League Stew, Baseball Musings and Rob Neyer link to it. Our momma's gonna let us have it, but good.

Somewhere, Buzz Bissinger just slipped that post into a brown file folder for his next TV appearances decrying the damn pamphleteers.

Of course, it's true that we've allowed ourselves to get caught up in our shameless aping of the Drunk Jays Fan to such an extent that we can't even write a post without profanity anymore, gosh darnit.

Tonight's matchup is fuc...er, delightful!
Just for the sake of perfect symmetry, tonight our hero and undisputed Cy Young front runner Jesse Litsch goes up against the last man added to the ToS Enemies List, Mike Mussina.

Snap judgements

Your new starting catcher?
Rod Barajas, who slid like a motherfucker into that random Molina's shin guards to put the Jays up in the fourth and drove in a pair to bust it open in the seventh, now has five homers and 19 RsBI. Meanwhile while Gregg Zaun has two and eight respectively in about 30 more ABs. (Oh, and Zaunie likes breakfast, which we won't hold against him in this matter.) We hate to make too hasty a judgment, because we're invariably wrong on these things, but you're gonna have a hard time jamming the Sportsnet Playoff Anchor Whose Teeth Shall Go Unseen back into the lineup when he comes back.

Hey, you know what the Yankees could use?
Another sleeve patch. No, really. Let's add another commemoration of the end of this version of Yankee Stadium (vintage, 1976). It's the House that Graig Nettles Built, so we guess we should all genuflect and show it the respect that it deserves, right? How about some Chris Chambliss patches on the ass of every player? How about a patch sewn into the skull of every Yankee to honour the truly awful and stupidly expensive boiled hot dogs at the Bronx House of Botulism?

Can everybody just shut up about Joba already?
Fat ugly toad Joba Chamberlain lasted just over two innings. There's your god damned saviour, Yankee fans. And while we're at it, Joba (born 9/23/85) has done pretty much fuck all as a major league starter aside from having some overhyped "rules" named after him, while Jesse Litsch (born 3/9/85) is 7-1 this year with a 3.18 ERA (and 14-10 with a 3.58 over his first two years.) Not that we think it is an injustice necessarily, or that things won't play out differently in the end...but it does make us want to smack Michael Kay in the face with a Rideau Crusher every time we hear about how great Joe-Bah is.

Instead of apologizing for nebulous reasons, Jason Giambi should apologize for that really stupid mustache.
That's really stupid mustache. We bet he goes to all the hipster bars in New York, orders up bottle service for all his hangers-on, and then points at his supposedly ironic lip hair exclaiming "Hey man! Check out my mustache!" He should really stop trying so hard to be cool, because we all know that he's just a scared little jock douchebag who wants the world to love him again, even though he's a fraud and a sellout. Trying that hard only reinforces it.

The Enemies List grows: Mike Mussina

Let's just get this out of the way, first and foremost. Mike Mussina sucks moose dong.

Aside from that, there are numerous reasons for us to add the Yankees has-been to our list. Most of which were more eloquently summarized by the commenters in this morning's post. But we'll summarize the summarizations.

-He showed up Cito: In the 1993 All Star Game in Camden Yards, Mussina got up in the bullpen in the late innings like a petulant teenager, trying to force Cito Gaston into playing him. This, of course, elicited wild applause from crack-smoking Bodymore, Murderland crowd. (Green House Gas is hot! Get it! Greehouse Gas!) Cito had no intention of putting him in (why would he, with Duane Ward on the mound?), but Mussina's presumptuous act resulted in years worth of hostility towards Cito from the Orioles' faithful (stupid bastards). Mussina repaid the team's loyalty by signing with the Yankees.

-He whined about the inconvenience of a ceremony honouring Tom Cheek: Sorry you got thrown off your routine, there, doucheboy. It was only a brief ceremony to honour one of the most important figures in the history of baseball in Canada, and a man who had fallen ill. So sorry that you had to soft toss for a few extra minutes in the bullpen. Your routine should really take precedence over giving a man of humble greatness the recognition he deserves.

-He's a Yankee: And all Yankees are inherently douchebags. (Yes, Derek Jeter included.) Also, we'd like to point out that the Yankees have won exactly ZERO World Series since Mussina arrived. Coincidence?

-He was in an overly precious documentary about doing crosswords: Yeah, this one. It was actually really pretty dull, and Mussina was the dullest part of the whole thing. But we're so pround of your linguistic skills, Mikey. You're super smart. We bet you could kick Johnny Damon's ass at Boggle. Smart guy.

-We hate his teeth: Nice chompers.

-He's tonight's starting pitcher: That's kind of the short view. Still, it's relevant to us.

For all of these dubious achievements and more, we welcome to the Mike Mussina to the Tao of Stieb's Enemies List. Guard your grill, jackass.

Sloppy grit doesn't equal wins

A few random thoughts on Game 1:

There's your running game for ya: Given all of the criticism the Jays received last year for not being the 1985 Cardinals, it's worth noting that the three bags that they swiped and the one runner that Zaunie cut down (Derek Jeter, no less) didn't automatically add up to a W. It's only one game, but the Jays' inability to cash in the runners that they put in scoring position with timely and effective hitting remains a problem. You have to feel for Marco Scutaro, who hit a laser the other way at a drawn in Jason Giambi, who miraculously came up with the grab.

Aaron Hill is frickin' wicked: Hill made Melky Cabrera work in centre field last night, and might have had three doubles instead of one if Johnny Damon were patrolling that position. Dude is dialed in, and we're guessing that he's hitting regularly in the two, five or six spot in the lineup by the end of the month. (And by the way, one of those Melky catches was a Jim Edmonds fake-hustle special, where he dove after the ball was in his glove. Poncey bastrich.)

Doc is an intense, angry man: Roy Halladay pitched last night as though it were Game 1 of the World Series. When things go wrong for Doc, we usually get the sense that he's swearing at himself on the mound. Last night, though, he glared in at home plate umpire Gary Darling (who was ridiculously awful), swore at the bogus dimensions of Yankee Stadium (314 feet my ass), and generally looked as though he was about to scale the outside of the Empire State Building and swat away at fighter planes.

David Eckstein can make poor decisions with scrappy heart: Little X didn't win us over with his dopey decision to try for the most arduous route to a double play rather than just tagging out Giambi and keeping the double play in order. He did make a nice play up the middle earlier, for whatever that's worth.

Up next: A.J. versus Mike Mussina, who we still hate from the 1993 All Star Game when he got up in the bullpen to embarass Cito Gaston. Yeah, we can carry a grudge for 15 years.

ESPN can't get their fill of the Blue Jays

It's been an ongoing gripe of Blue Jays fans that the team rarely if ever gets any profile on the Four Letter Network to the south. (It's all a part of that rather ugly inferiority-cum-smug-superiority complex that we Canadians have going for ourselves, but that's an entirely different blog altogether.)

Amazingly enough, the boys in powder blue will be on the main network (not "The Ocho!") on Wednesday (vs the Red Sox) and Thursday (vs the Yankees) of next week. Their opening day matchup versus the Yankees will be on also be on the main network. Granted, ESPN is likely more interested in the other teams for those games, but it would be a kick to see what flat-earther Joe Morgan has to say about this year's team.

Both of the fake games, incidentally, will be on Sportsnet.

We're goin' to the Olympics!

Our local band of baseball vagabonds have qualified for the 2008 Olympics! Which is wicked awesome, because we're gonna go over there to China and kick Jennie Finch's ass. Her sweet sweet ass. Mroawr.

The legend of Stubby Clapp grows.

Thoughts on Billy Crystal's game with the Yankees
Who gives a shit? This is precisely why we call them fake games.

Watching moving pictures...what a concept!

It's amazing how much more you can glean from watching game action as opposed to reading boxscores or watching Kathryn Humphries' attempts at humour. Not that seeing a handful of innings gives a fulsome view of the progress of the team, but it was certainly revelatory to see our boys on the field.

A few thoughts:

Chacin is a Machine in need of serious repair: As ugly as the line score was, it didn't nearly do justice to just how messed up Gustavo Chacin is at this point. His arm slot has dropped noticeably, with two major repercussions. First, he's not able to hide the ball nearly as well as when he came over the top, meaning that batters are getting a really good long look at the pitch before he delivers it. Second, he has absolutely no velocity. Not that he was a flame thrower before, but now his delivery is much more suited to tossing a bean bag through a clown's nose at the county fair than it is to getting big league hitters out. This guy is toast.

Shannon Stewart is not as gimpy as we thought: Stewart worked the count well in his at bats, and looked good legging out a double. Also, we were reminded of the fact that while he has a pop gun arm, he compensates by getting good jumps on the ball as he did when he made a nice catch in foul ground.

How can we not love Buck Coats? Coats crashed into the wall in the 8th inning to make a sweet over the shoulder catch off of Jorge Posada. Also, dude is seriously lanky. Like, Bargnani lanky.

Aaron Hill is in mid-season form: Hill went deep into the count in a couple of at bats, fouling off pitches and hanging in there long enough to stroke a solid run-scoring double late in the game.

Purcey brings heat: David Purcey's control isn't all there yet, but he was dealing in his inning of work. He did get tagged for a Jason Lane homer, but dude definitely has an arm. (Or maybe anything looks fast after watching two innings of Chacin.) He's not ready for prime time, but he's almost there.

Michael Kay is a douchebag: The YES booth of Kay, David Cone and John Flaherty spent close to two innings picking apart a J.P. Ricciardi quote on the strength of the AL East which ended with the words "we just need a little more." We took the quote to mean that the Jays need a little more out of their personnel, but Kay was dismissive, assuming that he was asking for some sort of handout from the league. Flaherty assumed that they were looking for more revenue sharing, while Cone assumed that it meant that they need more fan support. Seriously, two innings spent on a throwaway sentence which probably didn't mean all that much at all.

So many Wang jokes, so little time

The Jays face Wang for three to four innings today at 1:15 pm. (On Sportsnet! For reals! Are you shitting me?)

Here are the lineups and scheduled chuckers, cut and pasted from the LoHud Yankees blog:

YANKEES
Cabrera CF
Jeter SS
Abreu RF
Rodriguez 3B
Giambi DH
Cano 2B
Duncan 1B
Lane LF
Molina C

Pitching
Wang (3-4)
Rasner
Farnsworth
Phillips
Albaladejo
Ohlendorf

BLUE JAYS
Eckstein SS
Stairs RF
Wells CF
Rolen 3B
Thomas DH
Overbay 1B
Stewart LF
Hill 2B
Zaun C

Pitching
Chacin
Purcey
Davis
Carlson
Wells

The Return of the Evil Empire

As the Jays prepare to take on the Evil Empire in today's fake game, we'll say this about the Yankees: it doesn't matter how old they get, how inept they look, or how many poor player personnel moves they make in the run of a year. No matter how badly they seem to be screwing the pooch, you still pretty much have to pencil those guys in for about 90 wins.

Having said that, we're reaching a point in the Evil Empire's evolution where they are starting to get bogged down with some of the ill-advised contracts to yesterday's heroes, so maybe this is the year that it all goes to hell. We can only hope that Mike Mussina's spring debut (five runs on six hits in two innings) is the harbinger of awful things to come for the Bronx Boys. (And seriously, that Posada contract is a real head scratcher.)

Today's Jays lineup (courtesy of hip hop purist Cathal Kelly) should look like this:

Eckstein
Rolen
Johnson
Wells
Thomas
Overbay
Hill
Stewart
Zaun

Kelly also speculated that the Yanks would toss some scrubs out against Jesse Litsch (Roy Halladay's pick for the fifth starter), but the lineup posted on the LoHud Yankees blog looks pretty close to an opening day roster:

Damon LF
Jeter SS
Abreu DH
Rodriguez 3B
Giambi 1B
Posada C
Duncan RF
Cabrera CF
Castro 2B

The Tracks of Suzyn Waldman's Tears

We grew up listening to WFAN in New York, and spent many nights listening to Suzyn Waldman's work reporting on the Knicks and Yankees. We always thought that she was an excellent reporter; knowledgeable and above all, professional. She didn't traffic in clichés, and she didn't tip-toe around players or management to appease them. She was good, regardless of gender, and we always appreciated hearing her rasp pop up over the airwaves.

Which is why we took little joy in viewing her getting her ass handed to her last week after she got choked up in the post game show after Joe Torre and the Yanks were shown the door by Cleveland last week.

In truth, a lot of the criticism of Waldman's performance last week stems from her absurd, overwrought boosterism when Roger Clemens announced in May that he was creeping back to the Bronx to steal their money limp away in shame lead the Yankees back to the promised land.

Waldman's since come back swinging, accusing her critics of being "anti-female". While we think that those who held her up for ridicule protested a bit too much, we'd suggest that it wasn't sexism that drove this campaign against Waldman so much as it was the schadenfreude at seeing the Yankees fail again so gracelessly.