Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Rumble in the Bronx

Jorge Posada is a certifiable douche.

Seriously, Jorge, you're a catcher. And if at this point in your career you aren't comfortable with the fact that teams are going to throw at you after you've called the pitches that land in the back or face of the opposition, then you should probably just get yourself an outfielder's glove and get out of from behind the plate. Suck it up, buttercup.

Posada's weak cheap shot at Jesse Carlson emptied the benches, and for half a second there, there was some joy in Jaysland as we watched Rod Barajas mix it up with all comers and Cito Gaston attempt to take on some young whippersnapper who was inexplicably yanking at Barajas' gear as he was on the ground.

That was kinda fun.

It probably doesn't make a ton of sense that we're a complete pacifist when it comes to the game of hockey, but we like to see a pitcher put one in a guy's ribs and the benches clear in baseball. Maybe it's because baseball is a sensible sport, in which teams don't make use of scraps as some sort of nightly kabuki theatre to demonstrate what a bunch of manly men with grit and heart they are. (Still hating you, Gary Roberts.)

Travis Snider has decided to pull the ball
Just days after Travis Snider indicated that he needed to get to inside pitches and pull the ball more, he sent two no-doubt-about-'er's into the second deck of Yankee Stadium (so, you know, still a home run in most other parks). Finding reasons to hold on hope is awesome.

The long decline of Deadspin continues
We realize that we suck the fun out of everything and get on our high horse sometimes, so take this as you will.

We were incensed when we opened up Deadspin this morning and read the follow recap from some fuckhead named Barry Petchesky: "Pitcher Jesse Carlson suffered a pretty nasty head wound, making this the worst day of casualties in the history of Canadian wars."

We seriously doubt that Barry wants any sort of history lesson or edification on Canada's role in the World Wars (we were there when your soldiers were still at home giving each other the clap), or how cowboy American bomber pilots killed Canadian soldiers because they were too fucking horny to kill something to realize that they were firing on friendlies, or how the 130th Canadian was killed in Afghanistan this week.

We're pretty sure that Barry is way too interested in staring at his own navel (and being fascinated by the sight of it) to give a shit. He'll probably have a laugh over PBR's with his douche friends about how sensitive Canadians are and how easy it is to get a rise out of them.

But remember: Canada is sharing some of the burden of the shit storm that the U.S. helped create over the past 40 years, so the least you can do you little fucking hipster douche sisterfucker is to show a little goddamned respect.

34 comments:

Dragonzigg said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Dragonzigg said...

Hear hear.

Mattt said...

Fuck Barry...

Voodoo Matt said...

We should stuff Barry into the ship my Grandfather was on. It's somewhere on the bottom of the Atlantic.

trance said...

Thanks for posting the douchebags picture. Clearly he doesn't represent the best of America. I believe he must be a huge Jorge fan now.

The Ack said...

Fuck this guy. Joking about dead war veterans isn't cool. And yet, somehow, Carlos Delgado not standing for God Bless America (or whatever that shmozzle was) is a certifiable sin.

Fuck. You.

Oh yeah. Lots of fun last night. Posada reinforcing his douchetardery and the Jays showing some giddyup (finally). Good times.

eyebleaf said...

Barry's a winnner. Just like Jorge Posada.

My boy in NYC tweeted me the following: "Headline in NYC - 'Black and Blue Jays'"

Typical.

Last night was the awesome. I believe in Jesse Carlson. And Rod Barajas. And Johnny Mac. And The Cito.

And, Tao, I must admit, your hatred of Gary Roberts is kind of rubbing off on me.

Tao of Stieb said...

Gary Roberts used to show how much heart he had by hitting a lot of defensemen after they'd already passed the puck five seconds earlier. Which I believe hockey fans call "finishing his check".

Gary Roberts is the Barry Petchesky of hockey.

45,000 Canadians died in WWII, a war in which the U.S. remained steadfastly "neutral" until December 1941.

REAN said...

Way to defend our Vets, Tao!
Wilner hit the nail on the head by explaining it as "Yankeefied sense of entitlement".
This extends to guys like Barry McDoucherton.

brainiac said...

What a fun game! That's why we watch baseball in September...

Anonymous said...

Halladay 4 Ethier may make sense come december?

or

Halladay/Overbay
4
Derek lee/Aramis Ramirez

Tao of Stieb said...

I don't think either of those deals are anything remotely close to anything resembling reality.

So no.

(But I do like some Ethier, I tells ya.)

eyebleaf said...

Ramirez, Kemp and Ethier. Now that's a mother fucking outfield.

Tao of Stieb said...

And frankly, Manny is the least impressive of those three to me.

abigail breslin said...

Sucks that Deadspin posts that garbage the same day FJM takes over.

Also, I wish Doc tangled up with AJ last night but domestic violence is a pretty bad thing.

Anonymous said...

Posada is a little bitch. period. If Carlsons pitch was at his head, i can see a case. BUT behind the back. Deal with it your the cather, its the A.L.

Tao of Stieb said...

You know why Posada was so upset?

New butt implants.

Those don't come cheap, even with Laura Posada's frequent customer discount applied.

Menchersonian Era said...

Tao brockered the name to me. I think mencherson was Acks idea. So i take no credit with the creation nor will i use it vain.

I like Ethier 4 Halladay. If it happens, not saying i want it to. Return Prospects r not the answer.

No?

Every day, young bat with power.

Stedron said...

Ugh, another embarrassing moment for me when one of my fellow countrymen says something stupid.

Sorry Canada. :(

Mattt said...

Its ok Stedron, we have our share of a-holes here too...

Tao of Stieb said...

No doubt. Well put, Mattt.

jroberts said...

Wow, what a bitchy little elbow throw that was from Posada. Between this, A-Rod's playoff slap, and A-Rod's d-bag "I got it" call, the Yankees sure do keep it classy, don't they?

Darren Priest said...

Sports writers write the darndest things.

Way to open a can of whoop ass, Tao!

Yeah, Barry, it's only acceptable to say that shit about France.

Bruno Van Rottweiller said...

Surprise of all surprises, yankee announcer Mike Kay is taking Toronto's side on his radio show! MIracle of all miracles. I can't believe he's ripping his mate Posada.....hath hell freezed over?

eyebleaf said...

HIP HIP JORGE!!!1

I hope Tallet unleashes fury tonight.

Matt said...

Looks like hipster douche is right on the money. Anyone know his email? I would like to send an invitation for him to come up to Canada and show him the highway of heroes so he can see how we honour our soldiers, rather than belittling others. Then promptly stomp his balls and bust his nose.

Kanuck said...

Good post, but stick to baseball. It's clear you choose to have knowledge in just one sport. :)

Tao of Stieb said...

Oh, I have hockey knowledge to spare. It's just that it is not the same stale axioms that have been passed around puckheads for the better part of five decades.

Hockey can be a great sport. It's just too bad that there are so many goofs talking about it.

Anonymous said...

great post, nobody ever shits on the american military

Jayszone93 said...

That guy is a classless loser... Does he not know Canada has suffered about 3-4x more casualties per capita than any other nation in Afghanistan.... Prick...

Anonymous said...

No dice on Ethier. His numbers against lefties are horrible. If you're going to trade Doc, at least get back a guy who can hit from both sides.

Jayszone93 said...

The Dodgers wouldn't even dream of sending Andre Ethier for Roy Halladay so we can just nip this one in the bud for good.

KP said...

You sure love to poke those zombies Mr. Tao.

It's nice to see ANY athlete in ANY sport express their dislike for their adversaries by way of their fists.

I see too many athletes earn millions upon millions of dollars without ever appearing to be excited, angry, despondent or otherwise nonplussed.

Throwing some flying elbows and laying the smackdown on the NY Skankees might be the ONE thing in the past month that has made the Jays fun to watch.

OK Hallady, Lind and Hill are nails ball players... but that's it. It really is.

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