Sometimes, Vernon gets those menstrual cramps real hard

From the Unfortunate Quotes file, we get this gem from Vernon Wells in today's Star:

"My body is like a woman's body, it really is."

Well okay then.

The quote was given in the context of Wells' annual discussion of how he's gotten into shape in a totally different and more efficient way that will without question keep him healthy and at the top of his game for the coming season. In past seasons, there were discussions of blood tests and macrobiotic diets and such, to varying degrees of success.

Wells says he is planning to bring his trainer on the road with him to help keep him in shape throughout the season. And as we all know, when baseball players travel with their own personal trainers at all times, hilarity is sure to ensue.

We're just hoping that Wells is willing to share this weight maintenance expertise with a certain pink and round teammate.

Other traditional Spring Training incantations
Cito tells Griff that speed is vital, and that the team is going to run more. Also, he didn't really mean it when he said that 2009 was a write off.

We guess this means we'll have to move him down in our fantasy rankings
We're not sure if this is funny or sad, but Mike Hampton has health issues already.

Speaking of fantasy baseball...
We've still got a couple of spots open in the Alternate Universe Roto Shenanigans. If you want to play fantasy baseball against a bunch of ne'er-do-wells, hit us with an email to sign up.

(And to those of you who asked to participate but have not signed into to the league yet, your spot is not guaranteed until you actually sign in. You've been warned.)