Monday, July 21, 2008

Steve Simmons is a smug cheapshot artist

Actually, to call the Sun Media hack an artist of any sort is to give him way more credit than he deserves. But we couldn't help but get enraged by his lazy swipe at A.J. Burnett's Friday night performance against the Rays.

In his Sunday column, Simmons spat out the following bile: "This is why A.J. Burnett makes people scream: He is pitching brilliantly. He has a one-run lead against a Tampa team that has lost seven straight. And he gives up a home run to a nobody ninth-place hitter to lose the game."

Well, Steve-O, here's the thing about "nobody ninth-place hitters": they still let them step up to the plate with a bat in hand, and they still let them swing away at pitches. Sometimes, those swings connect just right, and the results aren't always favorable to the defense, regardless of who the pitcher is.

And it might even be worth noting that Ben Zobrist, the nobody in question, has twice as many homers this season (4) as Aaron Hill did before he went approximately one-third as many at bats.

Moreover, isn't is pretty weak to single out that one pitch to the "nobody" when A.J. had otherwise pitched well enough to win, but was once again betrayed by the sputtering Jays offense?

To pick up on a meme that the Drunks like to trot out: If Roy Halladay had tossed out that same pitching line as A.J., he's be regarded as a gutsy gamer who was failed by his team. But because it's A.J., he's a punk .500 pitcher with no heart. What bullshit.

And not to engage in the same cheapshot artistry that Simmons seems to prefer, but we wonder what is the appeal of the horsefaced, smug, crayon-eater's scribblings and rantings. The only significant contribution that Simmons makes to the Canadian media landscape is to remind us in his appearances on TSN that male pattern baldness and hair gel are a really tragically bad combination.

More from the Sun
When the whole lot of coaches from the 1990's joined Cito on the Jays' staff, someone joked about Mel Queen joining the team. Turns out (as Bob Elliot writes today) that it wasn't such a stretch after all.


Mark McDonald said...

Steve Simmons is a fucking plug. He knows this, because I e-mail him to tell him that pretty much every Monday morning.

Lloyd the Barber said...

That Bob Elliot story has easily the screamiest headline ever written for the least significant story.

TODAY'S HIGH WILL BE 24, WITH A CHANCE OF SHOWERS IN EVENING also, victory in Afghanistan all but assured.

Tao of Stieb said...

Also - the Sunshine Girls are looking especially skanktacular this week.

the ack said...

you'd think that someone would have invented a non-scalp shining hair gel product by now, wouldn't you? that's money in the bank right there.

Not to jump on the "I love AJ" bandwagon (but I'm going to), but this guy has been pitching his ass off lately and still hears from the fucking peanut gallery. Pitching on 3 days rest, coming in from the pen, stretching out the pitch count.....what do you want from the guy, Steve (not even close to Bill) Simmons? 2 wins in one start or something? Hey now, great idea. Dickhead.

Galen Cisco said...

Wait. So did Mats Sundin have career ending surgery?

Steve Simmons is on the same level as Marty York. I can pull better rumours out of my ass. And my ass is more reliable than these "sources" these guys refer to.

eyebleaf said...

i read simmons' cheap shot at AJ last night, and shook my head in disgust. i don't usually read the sun. well, i never read the sun. but i was at pizza pizza and it was all they had. i went home and showered immediately.

frankly i find it amazing that simmons still has a job. he's a miracle worker, that's for sure.

Andy MC said...

Wake up dummies!!

Of course AJ is pitching well of late...he wants to be TRADED!

Let's see how well he does AFTER the deadline (assuming no teams would be STUPID enough to acquire him!)