This will all be over soon enough

It's hard for us to even remember that moment last year when we were so enamored with Brian Tallet. "The Summer of Tallet!" we exclaimed endlessly, or at least until we tired of the notion ourselves.

But now, when we see The Manager insert him into a tie game in the ninth inning, and continue to run him out to the mound until he coughed up that motherfucker up, we irrationally find ourselves thinking kindly on the sweet solace of the season's end. It's going to be a long winter without baseball, but at the very least, we'll be able to warm ourselves with the thought that The Manager will never again have the opportunity to call on the Hipster Oaf with the 6.28 ERA and the 1.58 WHIP to enter the game in a high leverage (or medium leverage, or low leverage, or no leverage) situation and toss a brand of brutally useless junk up there that would make Frank Tanana blush.

And it's not as though the Jays are completely bereft of arms at this point of the season. It's September, for goodness sake, and they call haul whoever the hell they want from their system tomorrow if they need an extra arm. You're trying to tell me that Zach Jackson can't be at least as effective as Tallet? Or that they couldn't have called up Jeremy Accardo to give them some extra latitude at this point in the year?

(Speaking of which: Whatever sin Accardo committed and is now being punished for must be a doozy for the Jays to pay him a million dollars to go cool his heels in Vegas and not darken this side of the border with his presence. Feel free to fill in the blanks for yourself to decide what it was that Accardo did to deserve this exile.)

There are only 17 games left in the season, and we're probably going to cry like a baby when it's done. But we won't shed a single tear for this version of The Manager, nor for his pet lanky lefty.

A One-Sentence Post on...The Number Two Starter

We asked the Magic 8 Ball if 2010 would offer us yet another Summer of Tallet, and responded with "Ask Me Later", which seems just about right.

Everybody loves a Tallet Show

If you're a regular reader around here, you know our love for Brian Tallet knows no bounds.

(Actually, that's not entirely true. There are the bounds dictated by reason, respect and decorum that prevent us from following him home after starts. We prefer to enjoy him from afar. Just sayin'.)

But last night's start took the Summer of Tallet to a whole other level. With the pitching staff in shambles after a week in National League parks, Tallet took to the hill on short rest and delivered an absolute gem over his six innings (no runs, three hits, seven strikouts and one walk).

We didn't realize at the time that Tallet was going on short rest - these are the perils of watching the game with no sound - so we nearly flipped when we saw him take a seat after just 90 pitches, ceding the mound to the absolute shitshow that is Shawn Camp and Jesse Carlson. Wins might be a bit of a meaningless counting stat for pitchers, but we were relieved to see Tallet walk away with a "W" after those mediocre jokers served up batting practice through the seventh.

In addition to Tallet's fantastic pitching this season - and it is hard to imagine what the team would have done without him through these injury-ravaged months - we fully enjoy the fact that he brings a whole new set of facial hair to the mound for each game. It's almost as though he's a Mr. Potato Head who can snap off the sideburns and fu manchu and replace them with a stylin' Joey Silvera porn stache.

If the Jays are looking for a promo item for next season, the Brian Tallet bobblehead with interchangeable facial hair would be the best tchotchke ever.

Various linkages

This franchise is not run by the Sisters of the Mercy: We're a little late on catching up with this one, but Mary Ormsby (who we generally enjoy as the voice of reason in her appearances on Prime Time Sports) wrote an absurd article about how the Blue Jays aren't giving away the empty seats in their luxury boxes. In other news, McDonalds won't be giving out stale Big Macs, the twirlers at the Zanzibar won't be offering free lap dances to the downtrodden, and cab drivers without fares won't be giving people free rides to the airport.

Wells' struggles, infinite redux: More recently, ESPN's Jerry Crasnick wrote a very good article on Vernon Wells' prolonged struggles. Those of us on the Jays blogs have probably lost all perspective on Wells and his struggles, so it's nice to read an even-handed account of how poorly Wells is playing and the possible reasons for the slide.

Worth noting: Wells currently has a seven game hitting streak going, including four doubles, a homer (finally!) and four RsBI, posting an .861 OPS over those game. Let's hope this is the man coming around. (And yet, the Hatred Advisory Level has returned to severe. What?)

Summer reading: Just finished reading David Denby's Snark, which is an interesting take on the history and current usage of this often dubious rhetorical device. For those of you who are certain that the world is being led to hell in a handbasket by anonymous bloggers, it's an interesting read. (Then again, if that's your fear, why are you reading this blog?)

All Hail the Blue Jays' Fab Five

Imagine if we were to have told you in the off season that after the team-wide offensive struggles in the past two seasons (R.I.P. to the careers of Mickey Brantley and Gary Denbo), five Blue Jays would get out of the gate and put up numbers that would rank them amongst the elite at their position through the month of June.

Then imagine that we told you that none of those five players were Alex Rios or Vernon Wells.

Then imagine that we were hopping on one foot when we told you this. (Actually, don't bother with that last one. We were just checking to see if you were paying attention.)

Through the team's first 71 games, the Jays have five players posting an OPS above .800, a mark that only one regular (Wells) and no qualifying batter reached for the 2008 season.

The Fab Five - Lyle Overbay (.939), Adam Lind (.915), Scott Rolen (.866), Marco Scutaro (.833), and Aaron Hill (.815) - have arguably all performed above expectations this season, but not to such an extent that you couldn't see them carrying this through to the year's end.

There are caveats, of course. Neither Overbay nor Rolen qualify for rate stats titles at this point given the amount of days they've been given off in spite of relative good health. With Cito protecting Overbay from lefties and Rolen from wear and tear, it's hard to get a real handle of what sort of offensive value they bring over the entirety of the schedule.

Mind you, Rolen's Runs Above Replacement level (RAR) is 20.7, good enough for sixth best amongst Major League third basemen, while Overbay's 17.1 places him between Ryan Howard and Joey Votto in that same category. (Not that we totally understand what any of that means...like Drew at Ghostrunners noted, we're not that good at math.)

Why are the Fab Five so Fab? Raw Power!
Speaking of that two-week old Ghostrunners post, Drew points out the great numbers now being generated from MLBAM's Hit f/x data, and demonstrates that the Jays really are hitting the ball as hard as anyone. When Fangraphs looked at the initial speeds of the ball coming off the bats for the month of April, the Jays ranked just behind Texas and Cleveland as the maddest mashers in the land.

Aaron Hill in particular hits the ball with a particularly awesome level of ultraviolence, sending the horsehide screaming off in the distance at 80.1 MPH, almost two clicks faster than the next Blue Jay, Adam Lind (78.2 MPH).

Perhaps the whistling flames shooting off the balls hit by Hill help explain one of the truly odd offensive stats this season. While Hill has hit 15 dingers to this point, he's managed just nine doubles so far, just two more than Kevin Millar. Hill leads the team with 93 hits, but is it possible that he's hitting the ball too hard, and that would be doubles are turning into singles?

The Summer of Tallet Will Scald Your Flesh
Before we forget, the Summer of Tallet continues tonight with our favorite hipster oaf taking to the mound against the Red Stockings of Johnny Feverland.

Two sweet blessings rolled into one tonight: the pitchers won't hit, meaning we won't have to watch Tallet at the bat (phew!) and he won't have to face his pitching counterpart, the slugging Micah Owings (double phew!).

The briefest of thoughts for a Monday off day

Into every Summer (of Tallet), there must come stormy days.

Alex Rios is not the problem with the offense, and he hasn't been for a month. Hitting him sixth isn't a stroke of genius.

Sometimes, when another team comes in and smokes the ball all over the yard like the Marlins did this weekend, you tip your cap and recognize. Because frankly, they looked really good.

(A more fulsome and lengthy diatribe is certain to come to us tomorrow, but we're in a celebratory mood on a personal level, and can't really delve into the aggravation caused by this weekend's sweep. But feel free to add your own freakouts in the comments. Or try to cheer up the Ack, because dude sounds like he needs it.)

Pitching Bonanza! The Summer of Tallet, injured pitchers, and drafted pitchers

Are you all on board with the Summer of Tallet yet? Because after last night's seven innings of two-hit shutout ball against the Swingin' Rangers of Arlington, you really should be.

Since getting blowed up real good against the Royals back in April (and sucking up that shit kicking for the good of the team and the overworked bullpen), Tallet has been solid and has given more than anyone would have guessed. In his last eight starts, Tallet has posted a 3.12 ERA and a 1.05 WHIP, with opposing hitters posting a measley .551 OPS against him in 52 innings.

And to think that Tallet's name was tossed around in the off season as the throw in that we'd give to anyone if they gave us a mediocre shortstop or Mencherson-type back.

While we are praising Tallet and his unmatched will to make this Summer his own, let's take a moment to recognize the fact that it was one John Paul Ricciardi who grabbed this guy for the low low price of a minor leaguer named Bubbie Buzachero.

Yes, this is the same J.P. who you've all fired a dozen times a week over the past seven years because of his five-year plans (no planning!) and his home address in Worcester and his reticence to share his phone number and his lack of respect for Reed Johnson. And J.P. is such an idiot that he actually got Bubbie Buzachero back in the system (1.04 ERA, two saves, 17 Ks / 3 BBs in New Hampshire)...so essentially, we got Tallet for nothing and Bubbie for free.

Drafting Pitchers Like Gallileo Dropped an Orange
The Jays loaded up on pitchers like it was going out of style in yesterday's MLB Draft. The Jays started off with Kennesaw State pitcher Chad Jenkins (Mr. Handsome, as Parkes called him) with the 20th pick in the first round before grabbing Scott Boras client James Paxton with the 37th pick. Paxton is lanky left-handed pitcher and a good Canadian boy to soothe the more parochially-minded of the fan base (and, as Jeff Blair noted, the Rogers folks.) A high-ceiling Canadian may well be worth the Jays going over the slot recommendations, as it seems likely that they'll have to.

(And won't it be fun to have a Boras client around these parts?)

The Jays grabbed another Canadian lefty, Newmarket's Jake Eliopoulos, with their next pick (68th overall), and Arizona high school pitcher Jake Barrett with the 99th pick.

And now, we sit an wait patiently for five years for these guys to make their way to the big leagues, and then another year after they blow out their arms. Fun!

The Drunk Jays Fans have a much better breakdown of the draft that we do, with lots of links and video, so go there for more information. We don't like to duplicate their efforts.

Another arm bites the dust
Whenever forearm tightness is mentioned for a pitcher, you pretty much bide your time and wait for the inevitable announcement that they're going to go under Dr. James Andrews' knife. Such is the case for Jesse Litsch, whose impending TJ surgery was confirmed yesterday. The Star is reporting that it could take 18 months before Litsch brings his transferred ligament back to the bigs, so here's wishing him a pink, round and efficient recovery.

In praise of Dirk Hayhurst
Last night was the first time that we got to see our springtime mancrush Dirk Hayhurst take the mound for the Jays, and he looked great in a clean frame, striking out one batter. Too bad he's not still blogging, because we'd love to see what he has to say about life in the Toronto clubhouse. (Feel free to drop us a line, Dirk!)

Painless afternoon threading - LAA versus T.O.

Did anyone (Joanna excluded) realize that there is centuries-old eyebrow management technique called "threading"? We've got not idea what it involves, but thank goodness that a) we were blessed with great eyebrows, and b) we're a dude. Because that shit looks scary.

Speaking of scary, it's already 3-0, and we haven't even kicked off the thread yet. Cripes!

However, given that it is the Summer of Tallet (and don't you dare forget it, or we will remind you again), we have full confidence that the lanky lefty will pull it all back together, and it will be cocktails and dreams from here on out.

Lineups!

Heaven's Devils

C. Figgins 3B
E. Aybar SS
V. Guerrero DH
T. Hunter CF
J. Rivera RF
K. Morales 1B
M. Napoli C
R. Quinlan LF
H. Kendrick 2B

J. Lackey P

Les Geais bleus

M. Scutaro SS
A. Hill 2B
A. Rios CF
A. Lind LF
K. Millar DH
L. Overbay 1B
J. Bautista 3B
R. Chavez C
J. Inglett RF

Summer of Tallet, P

Where's Vernon?
Yeah, where is Vernon? And how many jokes will you come up with along the lines of "Well, at least he's not going to pop up here."

The Dopeness and the Wackness of the Weekend that Was

As much as it sucked to watch the Red Sox saunter off with a win in the series closer with their douchiest duo cranking out homers and walking over Jays pitchers yesterday, this weekend provided some much needed relief for the lot of us fans who suffered through the past few weeks.

Let's break the weekend down into its component parts, shall we?

The Dopeness
Not only is it fun to watch Brian Tallet continue his winning ways in this Summer of Tallet, but it was kinda cool to see him with his blue bandana at the center of attention in the post game interviews afterwards. Tallet seems like a smart dude, and doesn't seem as though he's been media trained to the point of incoherency. Considering the lack of really compelling voices on this team, it's nice to hear someone speak frankly and incisively about his changing and developing role...

After a slow start, Alex Rios is on a roll. The Blisfully Oblivious Gazelle is on a six game hitting streak, and has extra base hits in his last four games, including two doubles in his 4-for-4 outing on Saturday. He's raised his OPS from .726 to .776 over those six games. Moreover, his swing looks more comapct and quieter over the past week or so, which augurs well for the Jays' offensive fortunes given his role as the number three hitter...

Vernon Wells got a hit to the opposite field. That's gotta be worth something...

The Wackness
The Jays bullpen continues to struggle, and no pitcher has struggled more mightily than Brian Wolfe. In his last two appearances, Wolfe has given up six runs and three homers, and his fastball has looked as straight and hittable as a batting practice soft toss. No one in the bullpen has looked great lately, but Wolfe's flat out lousy performance should earn his a trip back to Las Vegas, and soon...

Ricky Romero has shown some flashes of his early season form, but gets himself too deep into counts by picking and nibbling or just missing his spots. The five walks and two homers he gave up to the Red Sox on Sunday are certainly a cause for concern, although we hope that he'll be able to right himself with another couple of starts...

We're fans of José Bautista, maybe more than most Jays fans. And while we understand that JoBau came to Toronto last year as a guy who strikes out a lot, his eight whiffs in his last 17 plate appearances is sucking the life out of the bottom of the order...

The Summer of Tallet rolls on this afternoon

Okay, let's stop bitching, and let's enjoy the unparalleled awesomeness that is Brian Tallet.

The big oaf takes the mound this afternoon at 1:30 in Baltimore, as the Jays look to cut down significantly on their suckitude and atone for their trespasses from last week. There's no time like the present to pull it together!

Feel free to treat the comments as a live thread, or threat, or pity party, or circle jerk, or whatever.

Knuckling under in Boston

God, we hate when we get all punny with our blog post titles. We would like to think that sort of lowbrow humour is beneath us, but it's just not. We are that lame.

So what did we learn in last night's 2-1 loss to the Boston Chowderheads? We learned that when a shitty shitballing shitbird throws shitty shitballs all night long, the Jays may be in for a shitty night of shitty pop ups to the infield. By the end of the game last night, we felt like it was 1987 and we were watching Frank Tanana toss junk around, frustrating us to a point that leaves emotional scars for decades afterwards.

Although to be perfectly reasonable about this, it is still May, and there's still three-quarters of the season to go.

Breakin' it down: The Dopeness
After a shakey first two frames, Brian Tallet was nails for the next four innings, locking it down and giving the Jays the chance to work their way back into the game. Tallet went six, struck out 5 and walked two, likely keeping himself in the rotation for another two starts at the very least. Welcome back to the Summer of Tallet...

We're not sure of Cito is a genius for playing Kevin Millar last night, or if Millar is a savant for putting pretty much the only good swing on a Wakefield pitch. Let's just call them both awesome and move on...

The Beej looked alright, even with seemingly diminished velocity last night. We never saw him throw anything over 88 MPH, but his location was mostly spot on, and he worked at bats well. He looks a lot more composed on the mound, and doesn't seem to be rushing his delivery, which likely makes all the difference...

Breakin' it down: The Wackness
We're not entirely sure how Alex Rios got thrown out trying to steal on a floating knuckleball that the catcher double-clutched on, but it happened. Perhaps the Blissfully Oblivious Gazelle forgot halfway between bases that there was some urgency involved with making his way to second...

We hate to dump on Adam Lind's defense, because we can see the guy is really trying to improve, but his throw way up the line to no one in particular in the second inning was quite the brain cramp. Let's hope that Cito or Brian Butterfield can work they mystical magic on him before we get to Atlanta...

It's easy to pick on Vernon Wells' and his propensity for popping out (twice last night, along with a lazy fly and reaching on an error), but the whole team seemed to want to get under Wakefield's floaters last night. Six pop ups and seven mostly lazy flyballs later, the Jays did their bit to keep the basepaths neatly manicured and the bases pristinely white.

Breakin' it down: The Media Section
Ok, first off: What the fuck was up with TSN2 using the NESN feed? All of this scrapping over carriage on the Rogers cable system, and the CTVgm folks can't even see to it that a Canadian crew is employed to broadcast the game? How was this different than Rogers just giving the free MLB Extra Innings Preview? (Our guess is that TSN2 didn't have an HD production truck at its disposal, given TSN's hockey duties, so they decided to take the easier simulcasting route. Actually, we're pretty sure that "Take the Easier Simulcasting Route" will be the title of Ivan Fecan's forthcoming autobiography...

We were actually happy to watch the NESN broadcast, which probably has the best production quality of any local MLB broadcast. However, spending close to three hours listening to Dennis Eckersley's ridiculous meanderings just about drove us batty. Really, can we have another five minute discussion of "sneaky cheese"? It made us appreciate how good Pat Tabler has become over the past decade in the Jays' booth. Too bad we can't pair Tabby with NESN's excellent playcaller Don Orsillo...

Next Up
The lanky southpaw rookie versus the tubby washed up righty: Brett Cecil (2-0, 1.80 ERA, 1.05 WHIP, 15 Ks / 4 BBs) versus Brad Penny (3-1, 6.69 ERA, 1.68 WHIP, 20 Ks, 16 BBs).

Well, that was exhausting

It was another roller coaster game for the Jays.

A Brian Tallet no-hitter into the seventh. Then Cleveland knocks him around and takes the lead. Then the Jays come back. Then they're a strike away from a win, only to have Jesse Barfield's stupid kid come around and score. Then the give up two more runs, only to come back and tie it in the ninth. And then stupid Shawn Camp gives up the winning runs, though the Jays make a game of it in the bottom of the 12th.

And to think that we just wanted to relax and unwind last night. By the end of the game, we were spent after spending a couple of hours rocking back and forth on the edge of our seat.

If you need to find the bright spot in last night's loss, it is that this year's Blue Jays don't have much quit in them. Over the past couple of years, the Jays would generally roll over on their backs and let the opposition rub their bellies when they fell behind. This year, you always have a sense that they'll scrape their way back into the game somehow.

Not just another Major League debut
Brett Cecil becomes the third Blue Jays starting pitcher to make his big league debut this season when he takes the mound at 12:37 this afternoon. Cecil has been knocked around at Las Vegas so far this year (0-3, 8.31 ERA, 9 Ks and 8 BBs and a 1.73 WHIP in four starts), although he pitched well in his last start (six innings, three runs, four hits, five Ks and a walk in six innings versus Sacramento).

At this point, Cecil is just being asked to be an arm and to hold the fort (gotta stop using that term) in the short term, so we should probably not lose our heads over today's start. But who's kidding who? We're going to totally lose our minds this afternoon.

Wilner also gets the call
Speaking of getting guys getting the call to fill in, JaysTalk host Mike Wilner will share the play-by-play duties this afternoon with Jerry Howarth on the radiocast. Howarth's usual partner, Alan Ashby, took some time to hang with his family unit in L.A., so Mike on the Mic stepped into the booth and did very nice work in his handful of innings last night.

The Summer of Tallet rolls on

It's easy to get distracted by 21 hits and 14 runs, but the story of last night's 14-0 win over the Chicago White Sox may well have been the impressive outing by makeshift starter Brian Tallet.

(And even if that isn't the story, that's the angle that we're going with. Because we want to keep fueling this Summer of Tallet meme.)

Tallet's 5 2/3 innings of scoreless are impressive and most appreciated given the depleted state of the staff. And while the final score makes the game look like a laugher, Tallet did yeoman's work keeping the Pale Hose off the scoreboard early when the game was still close in the first four innings. The only blip in his performance may have been the three walks he issued, but we'll cut him a little slack on his location given the crazy swirling winds last night.

Our favorite play of the night was Tallet's perfectly executed covering of first base on a hot shot to Overbay, after which the long, lean, loping lefty continued sprinting halfway down the right field line. (You just can't stop a beast like Tallet in mid-gallop.)

And as for the offense?
If the ruling philosophy is "Get A Pitch To Drive and Hit It", then the Jays adhered to it admirably last night. It's amazing to think that they were able to score the first 13 runs without a single long ball.

Alexei Ramirez certainly helped the Jays' offense along at several crucial points last night, but maybe the lesson out of that is that a hard hit ball will always have a chance to make things happen.

(Or something like. We're pretty much making this up as we go along. When's the Ack back again?)