Tuesday Morning Link Dump

Because this morning, we don't think that we could offer up anything better than our blog colleague, we offer up bucket trucks full of links.

Enjoy.

Blair on the Blue Jays: Now that he's a high-falutin' general sports columnist, we don't always get the chance to hear Jeff Blair's thoughts, feelings and impressions of the Jays. But in this morning's edition of Canada's National Bird Cage Liner, Blair lays it down for the Jays: "Change must be complete. It can’t be half-assed. The Flashback Fridays stuff? A generation doesn’t care any more. Sorry, that’s just the way it is." (Also, he uses the word "mollify". "Half-assed" and "mollify" in the same article? That's Blair. Awesome.)

A true meeting of the minds: Rather than watch the game last night, we listened to the Drunk Jays Fans podcast encounter with Toronto Star Chief Baseball Bloviator Richard Griffin. Griff tried his best to be a good sport, but towards the end, you could hear his angry old man thoughts come through. Then the boys took turns criticizing each other for not being hard enough on Dick. And there are cymbals struck throughout the show. Good stuff.

More rosterbation: We always like it when other blogs name-check us, especially when they do it in the first paragraph of a post in a flattering way. So how could we not link to Drew/Lloyd's post at Ghostrunner on First as he reconsiders his Adrian Beltre-J.J. Hardy strategy for Jays salvation? In short, we can't not. So here's the link. (Also, we comment on the post, and it's the best thing we've written in weeks.)

Milton Bradley, redux: Ian at Blue Jay Hunter has a fully elucidated argument about the mercurial Milton and his potential place on the Blue Jays. It is longer but more smarter than ours. So read it.

Travis Snider's Dad and his D: Mop Up Duty's Kman took apart Travis Snider's defensive abilities way back when, and Snider's dad didn't care for it. Kman insists that after further evidence, he is right about the Rosy-Cheeked Hope's glovework. We think that people just forget what it's like to have league average fielders.

Aaron Hill ain't all that: Newish blog Jays in Seven rates the second basemen in the AL East, and finds the Jays' elfish dinger-machine lacking. Then again, he likes the Fake Umpires, so he may not be in possession of all his faculties.

Let's discuss J.P.: MLB Trade Rumors opened up a discussion of J.P. Ricciardi, which opened up the digital floor to all sorts of JaysTalk callers, armchair GMs and people with a tenuous grasp of the rules of punctuation and capitalization. (Excuse us, but we're sticklers for language skills. If you can't write coherently, you probably can't think coherently. Grammar is the foundation of logic.)

There you go...that's enough for this morning. If you want more of our precious thoughts, then check us out on the Twitter.

Dick Griffin should spare us his amateur theatrics

For most of this season, we'd totally shut Richard Griffin out of our mind and out of our life.

Sure, he's the baseball beat writer for the daily newspaper with the largest circulation in Toronto and, indeed, in all of Canada. But that doesn't make his petty ramblings informative, enlightening, or even the slightest bit entertaining.

Reading Dick Griff is a lot like listening to a drunk blowhard loutalker at the end of the bar who has lots of opinions and conspiracy theories to share. Mostly, though, they offer up a pathetic defense of their own shortcomings and a litany of excuses for why they've ended up at the end of the bar, a sodden mess.

Having said that, I really should not have been as shocked as I was to read Griffin's post on his "blog" yesterday, wherein he alleges that J.P. Ricciardi and the Blue Jays organization have begun a preemptive public relations campaign against Roy Halladay. The accusation stems from J.P.'s clarifications to reporters on a statement that he made on Wednesdays's edition of Jim Rome is Burning, where he stated that Doc has already indicated his intention to file for free agency.

"The first salvo has been fired in the battle to sully Halladay's image as a loyal soldier," Griff writes with wisened gravitas.

What a pathetic load of horseshit. What an absurd attempt to create tension and melodrama where none exisits. What a huckster.

Griffin would probably have you believe that the many years that he put in as the PR guy for the Expos (in case anyone forgot) makes him hip to J.P.'s jive. Griff would have you believe that his impecable qualifications as a one-time professional sophist has provided him with the insight into the cynical mindset of the man in the GM's seat, for whom he has never had a generous word.

It's Griffin's bile and inanities that have come screaming out of the radio through the voices of simple-minded JaysTalk callers for much of the past eight years, as the repeat verbatim the infinite fatuous judgements Griffin has cast out - all with the benefit of hindsight, mind you - on J.P.'s record. "Five year plans"...always, the talk of the "Five year plans."

But now this: To insinuate that the Jays are playing a game to win the hearts and minds of the fanbase by casting aspersions at the most beloved player. Really?

Could anybody even fathom that such a thing would work?And moreover, could anyone imagine that the Jays' braintrust would think that tarring their most morally upright citizen would be a reasonable PR strategy? It seems as though Griffin could read that scenario into this (and out of nothing), but mostly because his assumption is that J.P. and all who surround him are bumbling idiots who aren't smart enough to have mastered the flack's craft.

The thing about what J.P. said on Rome and reiterated to Mike Wilner on the Fan 590 was that it really wasn't particularly dramatic. If you were observant enough, you could see that Halladay's intention to leave sooner or later was something that went unsaid, laying just beneath the surface all along.

If J.P. is to be castigated for anything, it would be revealing that Halladay will likely be on the free agent market regardless in 18 months. Ricciardi's flaw has always been that he's not nearly guarded enough in what he says publicly and to the media, and revealing Halladay's intentions could serve to lessen his leverage in these crucial days.

Does that sound like the work of an evil genius PR practitioner to you?

More defending J.P. (Joanna, you should probably stop reading here.)
Griffin insists that Halladay may have stayed if the Jays had proven that they were serious about winning. What he forgets to mention is that some of the worst moves that J.P. has made in recent years were completely about creating that impression. The single worst move that J.P. has made (likely pushed by Paul Godfrey) was to sign Venon Wells to a spectacular contract that would demonstrate to the fans, the team and to other players that the Jays were committed to keeping their talent, competing with the Yanks and Sox and ultimately winning.

But here's the thing: In an ideal world, J.P. already has assembled the makings of a team that could compete. If the Jays' rotation had not been decimated to the extent that it has been over the past 12 months, we would ideally be looking at a rotation of Halladay, McGowan, Marcum, Litsch and possibly Romero, with plenty of depth from which Ricciardi could have dealt to bring in help for the bullpen or offense. Instead, a patchwork rotation has been assembled, made up of players who barely registered with most Jays fans last year at this time.

I know these all read like excuses. Maybe it's just that I feel sorry for the Jays' front office these days. It's a lot more difficult to piece together a winning baseball team than it is to sit back and pull it apart after the fact.

Sometimes, Vernon gets those menstrual cramps real hard

From the Unfortunate Quotes file, we get this gem from Vernon Wells in today's Star:

"My body is like a woman's body, it really is."

Well okay then.

The quote was given in the context of Wells' annual discussion of how he's gotten into shape in a totally different and more efficient way that will without question keep him healthy and at the top of his game for the coming season. In past seasons, there were discussions of blood tests and macrobiotic diets and such, to varying degrees of success.

Wells says he is planning to bring his trainer on the road with him to help keep him in shape throughout the season. And as we all know, when baseball players travel with their own personal trainers at all times, hilarity is sure to ensue.

We're just hoping that Wells is willing to share this weight maintenance expertise with a certain pink and round teammate.

Other traditional Spring Training incantations
Cito tells Griff that speed is vital, and that the team is going to run more. Also, he didn't really mean it when he said that 2009 was a write off.

We guess this means we'll have to move him down in our fantasy rankings
We're not sure if this is funny or sad, but Mike Hampton has health issues already.

Speaking of fantasy baseball...
We've still got a couple of spots open in the Alternate Universe Roto Shenanigans. If you want to play fantasy baseball against a bunch of ne'er-do-wells, hit us with an email to sign up.

(And to those of you who asked to participate but have not signed into to the league yet, your spot is not guaranteed until you actually sign in. You've been warned.)

Have I mentioned that I love the start of Spring Training?

Well, have I?

Because I do. If you're a baseball fan, then you do too. And if you don't, then I hate to break it to you, but you're probably not much of a fan. You're probably a bit of a front-running douchebag.

Seriously, the crack of the bat, the popping sound of a ball hittin' the mitt, everyone's a contender..... all that cliche bullshit. I love it. You know what, as of today, we're gonna win the goddamn pennant.

Incidentally, the picture heading this post might be the best thing I've seen in years. If Dave Stieb was flanking Doc's other shoulder - forget about it. Just stop taking pictures.

Anyway....onto a cornucopia of quick springtime hitters:

Underwhelmingly positive news, from the mouth of Roy Halladay
Didn't take long for the jackals in the media to hit Doc up with the question: "So how are you feeling about life as a Blue Jay these days, Roy?"

Answer: "For me, obviously you do want to win, you want to be a part of a championship team," he said. "That doesn't necessarily mean I don't like it here ... I think that, obviously, if I had it my way it would be to win here. And I don't think we've totally given up that hope."

Um, good to hear. I guess. I don't want to talk about this one any further. Let's move on.

AJ Burnett and the New York media - a match made in heaven
...if you're a vindictive bastard who's hoping AJ falls flat on his face after signing with the MF Yankees, that is. Luckily, I'm not one of those guys, because Bobby MacLeod checks in with an early report on that relationship via discussion with a fellow scribe covering the Yankees.

I asked about A.J. Burnett, the former Blue Jays pitcher who bolted Toronto for the dough in the Big Apple.
“He's an idiot,” came the quick response.

Unexpected shout-out - here's to Dick Griffin
If you're anything like me - and for your sake, let's hope not - then you have a whole carcass of bones to pick with Richard Griffin's Blue Jay commentary during the season. Grind axes with JP Ricciardi much, Dick?

Having said that, Griffin is nailing it right now. Spring training is definitely right in his wheelhouse. He's giving me exactly what I want from a guy covering camp - early insights into the team & players, and he's having fun doing it. So here's a tip of the cap to you, Griff. Keep on keepin' on (at least until the regular season rolls around.)

On Robbie Alomar
I don't want to say much about this. It's too depressing. Robbie Alomar was my favourite player on some of the greatest Jays teams of all time. I'll never forget Alomar taking Dennis Eckersley yard in the 9th inning of Game 4 in the '92 ALCS. I went nuts watching the game in my parents' basement (nothing's changed - heyo!).

If I had to say anything, I'd probably say exactly what another personal fave, Patty Hentgen had to say about it:

"I hope that it's not true and if it is true, then God bless and I hope that his health can increase and get better."

Have I mentioned that I love Spring Training?
Because I do.

Jeff Blair would like to reignite the rage of Reed Johnson fans

If there is one thing that was missing in our obsessive following of the Blue Jays this year, it was our best pal Jeff Blair's insight on the comin's and goin's on. Being otherwise engaged in serious business in Beijing and the hinterlands of Hamilton, Blair's input on the Jays in the Globe this year has been somewhat minimal. And it has been missed.

In Blair's absence, we've just been re-reading our own hackish blog posts about how the Jays' performance makes us feel. It's like taping a therapy session, then watching it obsessively. Blair's return has come in a nick of time.

Which is why it is a little disappointing to see one of his first columns back on the baseball beat is a big wet sloppy somethin'-somethin' for Reed Johnson. It's an outright paean to Reed's gritty gutsy gamitude, and frankly is going to reignite the flames of misguided passion that was only recently extinguished in every Dougie and Gordie in the GTA. Thanks for that Jeff.

Maybe the excessive rage over Reed Johnson's release has faded in Blair's memory because he was on the other side of the world when it finally petered out.

We, on the other hand, had just finally reached a point where anonymous commenters had given up on bitching and moaning about what a horrendous error in judgment this was, and how J.P. should be fired for this roster move alone. We'd even gotten used to listening to JaysTalk and not hearing Reed Johnson's name mentioned obsessively but the goofballs and drunken security guards venting at Wilner.

Blairsy, we beg of you: Stop feeding the animals and stop rattling their cages.

It's oh so quiet on JaysTalk
Speaking of peace in the valley, we had figured that every J.P. hater was going to read Dick Griffin's speculative article yesterday on the Jays' GM return for 2009 and totally lose their shit on the Wilner-Ricciardi Fan 590 Hoe-Down last night. Instead, we had an episode so genteel and polite that it has already been optioned to be a Merchant-Ivory film. (Colin Firth plays Wilner, Alan Cummings plays J.P., and Emma Thompson plays Lady Steeles from the North of Marcum).

We though for a minute that we were hearing crickets chirping on the air until we figured out that it was J.P.'s Blackberry going off.

Professor Griff knows (J.P.'s signings are toast!)

We've done our best to avoid any discussions of Richard Griffin lately. Really, who needs that level of aggravation?

But Griff's assessment of Frank Thomas as the team's worst ever free agent pick up seems a bit daft to us. Thomas wasn't great last year, but he was certainly good enough that he shouldn't rate as the worst when compared to Erik Hanson's execrable three-year tour.

Plus, Griff's supposedly authoritative top five list of the worst pick ups seems to skew a bit too much towards the J.P. era. Really: Is it fair to call Dougie Burnett a monumentally bad signing?

What about Mike Stanley? Dick Schofield? Ken Dayley? Frank Viola? Danny Darwin? Lance Parrish? Mike Flanagan? Benito Santiago? Doug Bair? Darnell Coles? Mike Huff? Ozzie Virgil? Juan Samuel? Are you trying to tell us that A.J., er, Dougie, and Frank were worse signings than those?

Hell, we could even make a case that A.J., er, Gord Burnett was a better signing than Dave Stewart over the course of his contract.

We know that those signings don't necessarily fit Griff's ongoing narrative ("J.P. is the Devil! Ruining baseball in Toronto! Nor respect for the good guys! Je me souviens des Expos! Vas-y Youppi!") But this article seems to be a pretty opportunistic hatchet job on a move that was really for the best.

UPDATE: Griff's decided to open up the mail bag two days early, because there were so many reactionary douchebags - you know, Griff's peeps - who wanted to pass judgement on this move immediately.

(*Editors note: We accidentally published an early version of this post with all sorts of grammatical errors and nonsense, and have been scrambling to fix it. So if you read this once and it didn't make any sense, or if there were more fautes d'orthographe than usual, we hope we've been able to fix it to your liking. We sincerely regret the error.)

The Battle for AL East Supremacy Begins

Sure, it's only two weeks into the season, but the Jays and Orioles sit a half game ahead of the Red Sox atop the AL East. We hope that O's fans are relishing this moment.

We really shouldn't gloat over what we anticipate will be a precipitous fall from grace for the Baltimoreans, seeing as how last year's team (which pretty much sucked as much as we anticipate this year's will) went 8-10 against the Jays.

Tonight's pitching matchup features Dustin McGowan and his Lambchops of Vengeance versus Matt Albers (1-0, 0.00 ERA).

Tomorrow night, it's Shaun Marcum versus the Human Rain Delay, Steve Trachsel. For those of you planning to PVR the game, please remember to add an extra hour or two.

Jon Hale is our Pitch F/X Pool Boy: Hale is supposed to be on vacation, but he's taken time out to affirm that we were correct when we stated that Laz Diaz was giving Halladay some pitches off the plate on Saturday. Of course, Diaz is know to have a pretty consistently wide strike zone, so it's not as though Halladay was getting away with anything. Also of interest on the Mockingbird is a breakdown of Beej's return.

Jim Lang loves Whitey Herzog, in theory: Jim Lang, a man whose tenure on Canada's airwaves defies explanation, went off on a "I hate Moneyball" rant on his Sportsnet.ca blog last week. Of course, being a Canadian sports anchor, Jim's areas of expertise tend to fall more in the area of junior hockey and scrub-league football. (Yeah, we're looking your way, CFL.) So you'll have to forgive Jimmer if he kinda muffed up his facts. Lang's notion that the Jays should give up lots of outs to get one run doesn't exactly square with, you know, reality. Or the fact that Whitey's teams were OBP machines.

Fire Joe Morgan, who took time out of their busy day to give Lang the bidness, must be wondering about the crappy state of baseball commentary in Canada. This marks the second time in as many weeks that they've had to take a Toronto sports media goon to the shed, after last week's Professor Griff takedown.

What's the Jays' Scrappy Grit Quotient?

So let's see. They add scrappy gamers Eckstein and Rolen, but they release gutsy heart-filled scraptaculous gamers Reed Johnson yesterday and Sal Fasano today. Which should just about even things out, right?

Funny, but for all of the pissing and moaning about this team lacking guts or heart, you never seem to hear anybody calling Wilner to complain that the Jays don't have enough skill.

The Cubs just increased their Scrappy Grit Quotient
So Reed Johnson is on his way to the North Side of Chicago. We wonder what the fans there will make of the peculiar, goatish looking facial scruff he sports. Somehow, we doubt that will go over well.

At $1.3 million for one year, Johnson makes a fine low-risk signing for the Cubs, who'll use him as a supersub. We'd wish Reed well, but we know that any success that he has will be followed by a litany of Griffin mailbags second-guessing the move: "You see! I'm more smarter that J.P., because I would have kept Reed Johnson, who's killing it in the weakest division in baseball! I'm totally more smarter and more popular than J.P.! I give out my cell phone number to everyone! I don't have a plan, and everything that I say with the benefit of 20/20 hindsight works out totally perfectly! Did you know that I used to work for the Expos?"

Alex Rios pities the fool that doesn't dig his hair

Happy Family Day, bitches! Having just pulled ourselves out of a Jamesons and Madden 08-induced stupor, it's time to catch up on a weekend's worth of Blue Jays news.

The Hair That Ate Dunedin
Middle-aged white dudes love funny hair cuts almost as much as they love home videos of people getting hit in the nuts, so it's a good thing that Alex Rios apparently lost a drunken bet with his buddies in Puerto Rico this winter. Rios' B.A. Baracus do is all the rage, especially with Globe Junior. Rios has apparently also emulated Mr. T's musculature, as he was swatting BP pitches into the yards of unsuspecting neighbours.

In addition to follicle talk, there's more contract talk around Rios, with Blairsy reporting that the team is getting ready to talk extension with his agent this week. Also, there's only one Blue Jay (Vernon) signed beyond 2010...which is a topic for another post.

News from the Harbinger of Doom File
Travis Snider is unable to participate in Spring Training activities, because his 20 year-old elbow is all buggered up. Grrrreat.

The Star Has a Baseball Blog. Contain Your Excitement
And if Dick Griffin can figure out this new-fangled blog technology (the Speak-N-Spell nearly killed him), then we can be sure to enjoy hundreds of mentions of his days in the Expos PR shop over the next year.

Two quick thoughts on the Star blog: first, we're almost positive that Cathal Kelly used to be in the Rentals, and second, the banner ad for Antonia Zerbisias' blog that ran at the top of the page this morning scares the shit out of us.

The Recognition We So Richly Deserve
Best regards indeed to John Brattain, who awarded us (along with the Drunk Jays Fans) with the weekly Pujols Award for our incessant ranting about the Jays' ticketing bullshit.

Which reminds us: we ponied up for our opening series tickets, and couldn't get the seats that we wanted. Hmmm. Why would that be? Honestly, if we're stuck looking at the ginger asscrack hair of Sully from Worcester and his best pal Fitzy from East Brookfield all weekend, we're going to go ballistic.

And the service charges on Jays tickets? Don't even get us started.

Jays lock up Rios...for one whole year

Actually, we think that the one-year, $4.8 million contract negotiated this week is pretty prudent of the Blue Jays' brass. Ultimately, they still have Rios under their control until the end of next season, so it doesn't make much sense to blow out the budget on him quite yet.

We thought the way the contract was structured was a bit peculiar, with Rios getting a base salary of $1.3 million and a $3.5 million signing bonus, but we're in no way an expert on how Uncle Ted wants to establish his payroll structure. What's the advantage of having so much tied in to signing bonuses? Maybe it's a tax thing?

A handy comparison
Two Blue Jays beat writers on the Rios contract putting the club at or over a $100 million payroll:

• Dick Griffin, Toronto Star: Heavens to Betsy!
• Jeff Blair, Globe and Mail: Shrug. Meh.

The Tao's World Series Predictions

Here are five solid lock predictions for the 2007 RoxSox World Series:

1. Our pal the Red Sox fan will inadvertently (or so he'll claim) verbally or physically abuse us at least once in the middle of a wild celebration dance.
2. We will be treated to three hours worth of footage of pitchers blowing into their hands.
3. Dick Griffin will make an allusion to the fact that the Jays passed on Troy Tulowhatever in the draft. (Bob Elliot's already beaten him to the punch.)
4. We'll have to miss at least one game in the Series, having already used up all of our "Get Out of Social Events with Mrs. Tao in Favour of Baseball Playoff Nights with our Scumbag Friends" cards for one October.
5. The Red Sox will win, and the Massholes will love it.

Check Out My Draft Fan Letter to Dick Griffin's Mailbag For Next Week

Griffin makes an oopsie

As noted by Neate at Out of Left Field, Dick Griffin made an easily avoidable error in yesterday's column when he wrongly asserted that Kenny Lofton made a World Series appearance with the Tribe in 1997. Lofton did play for the Tribe's 1995 AL Champs, but was in the ATL by 1997.

We're sure he does not regret the error.

Also, Dick has continued with the mailbag through the fall, but to be perfectly honest, we couldn't be arsed to rehash it.

Did we forget the Dick Bag?

No. We didn't.

It's just that when Dick starts the Mailbag feature by comparing J.P. Ricciardi to George W. Bush, it's hard to even start to make any fun. It's kinda depressing.

However, for those who live and die by our Mailbag summaries (Hi Mom!), we'll summarize this week's in one sentence: J.P. is a stupid poopy head, and lots of people love Dick and his column.

Thank God the season's almost done.

His name is Dick. This is his Bag.

We’re back after taking a week off from our traditional recap of the Dick Griffin Mailbag Bonanza, and we realize now just how much we missed it.

In retrospect, we’re kind of upset at ourselves for bailing on the week where Dick tied the steroid problem in baseball to “Moneyball”. (Dick assured us that “Moneyball is dead”, which I guess should settle it for us all.) Neate at OoLF noted that Fire Joe Morgan tore Dick a new one.
(Although all we have yet to read it, because we're just getting a "Error 400 - Bad Request" message whenever we try. Yo Neate! Send us the goods via email, or fax, or carrier pigeon!)

And with that, let’s get going on this week's edition.

Sycophancy Alert Level – Moderate: Only two ass kissers in this week’s Mailbag, although one credits Dick for his “insightful analysis of the Jays' situation and talents”. The other notes: “Love your columns, even if I don't always agree with them.” (To which we’d note that WE LOVE the mailbag, but only BECAUSE we don’t agree with them.)

Did you know that Dick used to work for the Expos? This week’s mailbag features two not-so-subtle reminders of his time with Les Glorieux, including a rather euphemistic description of how he spent his time on the road: "enjoy the nightlife", my arse.

Dick Hates, Hates, Hates, Hates, HATES J.P.: The depth of Dick’s loathing for J.P. is such that we get the sense that he was terrorized by a minor-league infielder from New England as a child. Dick pretty much reduces every single decision made by J.P. to a fundamental flaw in his character. Keeping Gibby? Pride. 2007 failures? Vanity. Five-Year Plans? Extravagence. By the end of the season, we half-expect to see Griff standing on the pitchers mound with Gwyneth Paltrow’s head in a box. (And since we’re on the whole cardinal sins tip: can we suppose that Griffin’s wrathful hate-on might stem from envy?)

Dick makes a good point. The Earth spins off its axis: In answering a dumb question about putting natural grass in the Rogers Centre, Dick notes that the Jays should go to a dirt infield, and not just the cutouts around the bases. Although we’d guess that if not for the Argos, the Jays would have made the change already.

You know you’re a Leafs fan if: If you send an email to a baseball mailbag asking why the Jays don’t trade Josh Towers for draft picks, you may be a Leafs fan.

We're sure there is more to come from the other members of the Dick Fan Club, so there'll be linkage to come.

Today, we steal no thunder

It's Wednesday. There's a Dick Griffin mailbag. It's on the Star's site. We refuse to link to it.

Suffice to say that you know that we think he's full of shit, and there are a multitude of others who'll confirm as much.

We're tired, busy, a little sick of the Jays this week, and we just couldn't be arsed to spend an hour taking down Dick, letter by letter.

We're sure that the posts will start piling up on the other sites shortly, and we'll link to them here.

Update, 10:00 pm: Here's your lone Dick Griffin recap for the day.

We're taking an off-day, too

All that Dick Griffin induced angst has us pooped.

Dick in a Bag - Your Weekly Dick Griffin Takedown

You know, it's funny. We decided to put off looking at Dick Griffin's Fan-E-Mail Shenanigans ^(TM) for a while, and we felt so much better about the world.

Our heart rate evened out. Our blood pressure returned to somewhere vaguely close to normal. Things were good.

Of course, Dick's mailbag is something that we know have to face eventually, like taxes and changing our bedsheets. You can only put it off so long before the wrong people start to notice.

Anyways, on with the takedown.

Sycophancy rating
This week scores surprisingly low on the butt kissing. There is a rather dull joke about being a "long-time-reader-first-time-writer" from someone in Fredericton (the town the Wit forgot), and another writer invited Dick to imagine himself as the GM. On the whole, there isn't the usual collection of writers exclaiming "I love you Richie!" and "Kiss my taint, Griff!" Maybe there's a Star editor who managed to intervene?

Pompous Pontification
Even if the dittoheads were all busy getting soused on Lakeport, that wasn't going to stop Dicky G from stroking his greazy beard and letting fly with all sorts of self-aggrandizing nonsense.

On Gregg Zaun: Initially, Dick doesn't even answer Gregg Zaun question. (Which begs the question, why even bother with the questions, if this is really just another opportunity for Griffin-bore to wank off publicly?) Instead, he again invokes the signings of Ohka, Zambrano, and Thomson as some sort of stupendously monstrous mistake. This, in spite of the fact that the Jays did pretty much all they could to sign Gil Meche, and Lilly wasn't coming back here at any price. And morover, those signings didn't cripple the team's payroll, and were designed as low-risk, low reward moves.

OK, for real...about Gregg Zaun: When he comes around to it, Dick's whole point is that Zaun wasn't the Jays first choice, but then they screwed it up by not being nicer to Rod Barajas. His point that Zaun's skills might be diminishing is nothing particularly earth-shattering, but his assertion that the master plan for Curtis Thigpen was to turn him into the next Craig Biggio by switching to second is a vast overstatement of the facts. Sure, the Jays tried him out for a couple of games there, but then again, they had Reed Johnson take ground balls at second last year...you can't fault the organization for trying to assess all options.

Uncle Richard, tell us about "real" baseball: Griffin's assertion that the Angels are "cutting edge" for employing small ball gives the Anaheim brain trust way too much credit for what is likely a bit of a fluke. Last year, the Angels struggled to produce any runs, and they addressed this shortcoming by signing noted speedster Shea Hillenbrand. (Oh, and Sarge Junior, sure...because if you're going to enter the post-steroid era, you start with him.) But the truth is, no one foresaw the steep reduction in power that has occurred. A trending back to normal, maybe, but nothing like this.

Five year plans? Griff got no use for 'em. Which is interesting, because neither did J.P., no matter what some douche from Whitby who knows Paul Godfrey's son's college roommate's friend's dealer's ho's kid's kindgarten teacher has heard. It's a figment of your fixated imagination, Dick. Drop it, for the love of God.

The Dave Dombrowski Man-Crush? Do you suppose that Dick had this sort of wood for "Double-D" when he was losing 120+ games as Tigers GM? Dombrowski's Tigers, incidentally, are 2.5 games ahead of the Jays right now. Then again, Dombrowski used to work for the Expos...and hey, did you know that Tricky Dick worked for the Expos too?

Pitching from the stretch? You should probably know what that means if you're a baseball fan. Then again, if you're not a baseball fan, that probably explains why you read Richard Griffin.

"Proven Leader"? Sorry, wasn't this question intended for the Leafs mailbag? We love how the writer drops Dave Winfield's name as an example...I mean, if you're pulling names of great ballplayers out of your ass, why not Roberto Clemente, or Babe Fucking Ruth. Yeah...that's exactly what the Jays need!

Anyways, we're exhausted. Suffice to say, we slogged through, and we learned nothing. Another fine Wednesday, wasted away with the mailbag.

Blue Jays Fans Not Served Well By Toronto Media

Ok. So we have come to accept the fact that Toronto is a hockey town (although we think that it is not in line with the Leaf saturation in the media). But that is a poor excuse for providing subpar coverage of the only other major league sport in town (and possibly the only true major league sport in town). Here's a rundown of the players and how they rate in their coverage:

Newspapers (Online versions):

1. The Globe & Mail - The Globe does a pretty decent job of covering the Jays and baseball in general. Jeff Blair provides good analysis of the Jays and, when applicable, other major baseball stories. Blogs by Blair and MacLeod have rounded out the coverage nicely. Probably the best in this list.

2. The Toronto Sun - The Toronto Sun is probably a bit underrated. They do have unique angles in their stories on occasion but the columnists are not on par with Blair from the Globe.

3. The Toronto Star - Alan Ryan is adequate as a beat writer, but The Star is doing a disservice to its readers with Dick Griffin as their main baseball columnist. Griffin fancies himself a serious baseball writer so he often focuses on the "bigger" baseball stories such as the Yankees/Red Sox rivalry (God knows we need more articles on that subject). In the Internet Era we can read about any team we want to with the click of a mouse. So we're not sure why The Star would employ someone that has nothing but disdain for the local team as evidenced by his columns -- when he writes about them at all (5 of his last 6 columns are about teams other than the Jays). But his readers love him--- apparently.

Television:

1. Rogers Sportsnet - I suppose the channel owned by the company that also happens to own the Jays has more than a little self-interest in covering the team. To push the product, they broadcast 120 games, run Jays ads non-stop and produce a weekly kid oriented show where we see Greg Zaun eating breakfast or Aaron Hill playing guitar. Despite the favourable airtime, we don't get the kind of in depth analysis of the team and the game in general that we see for Hockey. If someone in a Leafs jersey gets a blister in July, there are 3-4-5 member panels assembled to analyze it and re-analyze it. We don't get more than a passing mention of what takes place with the Jays. This isn't covered off in the booth either by the broadcast team of Eagle Scout Jamie Campbell and whoever the dullest ex-Jay they can find to fill the other seat.

2. TSN - These guys only carry 20 games and offer no other coverage of the team apart from highlights on Sportscentre. Outdated onscreen graphics (what's up with those grey, faceless 3D figures occupying the field) and the team of Rod Black and Pat Tabler does not help their bleak situation. But the ratings are better than Sportsnet's for some reason.

3. CBC - Canada's public broadcaster signed on to carry 8 games this season with more in the works for next year. The team of former TSN and EA's Triple Play baseball's play by play guy Jim Highson, Jesse Barfield, and Rance "Mr. Excitement" Mullinks are the best of the three networks (not saying a lot). Ratings for Jays games on CBC have been the highest of all three networks. CBC doesn't carry any other Jays coverage other than these games.

Blogs:

Too many to name but it's clear that they are needed to fill the void for we, the baseball info starved fans in the Great White North.

Wednesday! Mailbag!

In all the excitement of another week of drudgery fun!, we almost forgot that today was Wednesday - and time for Dick (Griffin) to empty his (mail)bag.

Dick shows some remarkable restraint this week by running just two sycophantic sloppy kisses to his greatness. This week's praise for Richard comes from Kevin Smith of Toronto, who says "I love your column" (don't we all), and Robert Hodges of Bangor, Maine, who says: "I love your columns and your mailbag". We've been to Bangor. Believe us when we tell you, they've got low standards.

Otherwise, here's your 60 Second Dick Griffin Mailbag Breakdown ^TM:

• Jays next manager? Cito Gaston!
• The solution to the Jays' SS problems? Mark Loretta! (Of course!)
• Scott Downs? A dick to the media!
• A.J. Burnett? A dick to everyone! But especially the media!
  
• Who (if not Dick) should be the GM? Dave Dombrowski!
• The Jays defense? Not the worst, but it sucks! Especially the pitchers! They're not Jim Kaat!
• Sam Pollock? Dead!

That pretty much covers it. Life is simple in the minds of simple men, isn't it?