Shout outs to June-Yell

It didn't take long for us to get over the loss of Alex Gonzalez. (And who is this Marco Scutaro that you speak of?)

After less than a week on the roster and just three games, we've all pretty much fallen ballcap over ballsack for Yunel Escobar. The combination of the novelty of the new player with a pretty swell series (albeit, against the sad sack Orioles) means that the trade to Escobar has met with almost universal approval by now.

(And for those of you wondering based on the litany of frantic tweets on the subject last week: Yes, we fully approve of the choice of 5 as his jersey number.)

It's early yet, and there is still plenty of time for Blue Jays fans to turn on the young Cuban at the first sign that he's putting in less effort and intensity in running out ground balls, or if a throw to first is unleashed with something less than Ecksteinian zeal. For a town that used to have seemingly endless supplies of love for latin players, Toronto now seems to be overly enamored with the sort of truculent hustle and grit that they can find from any Gord or Dougie down at Christie Pits.

(Cut to: Alex Rios, getting ready to add to his 3.2 WAR so far this season in Chicago: "Really. You don't say.")

There's lots to like from what we've seen so far of Yunel, and we're jazzed that Alex Anthopoulos was able to bring in a long-term asset with such a high ceiling in exchange for ten more weeks of Alex Gonzalez's dream season. Not a bad haul at all.

The pronunciation thing
In the three or four years since we first heard of him, we'd always heard Escobar's name pronounced "Youn-Yell" or "You-Nell". We can't remember what they called him on the TBS broadcasts, but it was certainly something along those lines.

So we were a little taken aback when we first heard Alan Ashby drop a "June-Yell" on the air this weekend. For a second, we thought he was affecting some sort of Esai-Morales-in-Bad-Boys character, until he went on to point out that this was the correct pronunciation of the name.

We're not sure what to make of this, because there is a part of us that wants to point to this as another indication of how the kids waydownsouth in Atlanta never even tried to get this guy. On the other hand, we worry that we're doing that thing of wanting to be way too authentic, rolling our R's and turning Z's into TH's and what not when we end up looking like someone's drunk aunt singing along to the Gypsy Kings. Such a quandry.

Should we just accept the Anglicized version? Do we follow along with the June-Yell crowd? Does it even matter, seeing as how you never hear us speak?

Matt Stairs walks between the raindrops

It seems as though this is a post that we've been ready to write for months now, but every time we're about to commit our thoughts to the blog, Matt Stairs hits a game-changing homer, and we feel like a chump for having thought it.

But really, there's no one on the Jays roster who has escaped criticism more than the man from Tay Creek, N.B.. We're sure that it doesn't hurt his cause that he's a good, hockey-lovin' Canadian boy who has heart and grit and is a leader in the locker room (as if any of us would know that), but Stairs' production as a DH/Corner outfielder has been subpar all year.

For the month of July, Stairs is hitting .121, with a .521 OPS, one homer and three RsBI in 11 games while striking out in 15 of his 40 plate appearances. That just ain't no good.

For a good chunk of the season, it was hard to call Stairs out because he was actually leading the team in homers. But given a bit more time in this season and a bit more perspective, it's hard to tip your cap to the man for being the best of an outrageously feeble bunch.

Stairs is roughly on pace for about 16 homers and 50-odd RsBI for the season. No matter how much we love the guy, those are just not the sort of numbers that you can carry in your lineup for any extended amount of time, especially from a guy who is hitting somewhere in the middle of the lineup.

Telling sad tales about the feeble offense
Stairs might be struggling this month, but check out the OPS for a few of the Jays this month if you really want to ruin your day:

Gregg Zaun: .386
Rod Barajas: .451
Brad Wilkerson: .484
Scott Rolen: .573
David Eckstein: .560

Marco Scutaro is a gritty gamer

You see how Marco slid headfirst across first base? That makes him last night's Gritty Gamer with Heart and Grit and Probably Chemistry Too.

Also, it makes him a bit of an idiot, seeing as how you can run through the bag quicker. But what do we know? We haven't got any heart or grit.

Maybe if we had better chemistry with the Jays, they could have shown some determination and urgency and won last night's game in extra innings. Instead, we sat back and ate chips in bed and the Jays lost 6-5 to the Reds. We just have to want it more. We've got to give it our all and focus on the task at hand, rather than listening to Jerry and Alan while trolling around egotastic.com for pictures of naked celebrities.

Sorry.

You know who is a gritty gamer?
Roy Halladay. Dude went out five days after taking a line drive off the melon, and threw 121 pitches. It wasn't his best outing, but the fact that he's out there at all is a tribute to the Stormin' Mormon.

Brian Wolfe would do well to learn how to take the out that they are trying to give up
Oh Wolfie. You are so pleasantly plump, and your tiny goatee accentuates your auxiliary chins. It's just too bad that you had to walk the first batter you saw (bad), then walk a guy who was squaring around to give himself up to advance the runner (superbad!). And this, after Scott Downs and B.J. Ryan had held down the fort.

Say, what ever happened to Jeremy Accardo?
Apparently, he "remains in a holding pattern on his rehab assignment and there is no timetable for his return." So we'll have to go a while before seeing his splendid mullet.

You can't keep Hector Luna down

We were reasonably sure that we'd never write these words again, but Hector Luna has been called up to the Jays from Syracuse for the weekend's series. So the Jorge Velandia Era may be over almost as quickly as it started.

Luna takes the place of Friday's emergency starter David Purcey, who is anxiously awaiting the opportunity to return to AAA where he can get the fuck away from Jayson Werth and pitch to minor league calibre hitters again. God speed.

(And incidentally, the fact that Jesse Litsch had to come mop up after Purcey kinda defeats the purpose of having brought him up in the first place...but we're sure it will all be fine in the end. Right?)

Scrappy Doo Eckstein will come off the DL and be back with the team on Thursday, so Luna's stay will be brief.

How Greene is my middle infield?
Speaking of infielders, we've been letting Jeff Blair's notion of Khalil Greene coming to the Jays stew in our noggin for a few days now, and we're now convinced that this would be the Single Greatest Player Personnel Move in the History of the Blue Jays. (Okay, that might be hyperbole, but we like to get the strongest opinion possible out there first, if only to stake out the territory for ourselves.)

Don't be deceived by the appearances. Sure, Greene pretty much sucks ass this year. We're not even clear how it is possible to have a sub .600 OPS, but he's managed to pull it off. Nevertheless, he managed 27 homers and 97 RsBI last year, playing half of his games in the cavernous neverland that is PetCo Park. Even if for the season Greene regresses back to his mean (15 homers in each of his last three years), he'll still be a far more productive hitter than Scrappy Doo. Moreover, he is a better defender than Eckstein, and he tends to heat up in July and August.

If the Pads are looking to hold a yard sale, then we sincerely hope that J.P. will be like our crazy aunt: get there at the crack of dawn carrying only a change purse and the negotiating skills of a third-world dictator.

The Tao's Interleague Intern in Philly
Having received many generous offers from readers this week willing to act as interns after our plaintive call for help, we took up one particular reader on his offer to send us missives from his road trip to Philly this weekend. The first reports back from the field were filed at about 4 am, and speak to the level of depraved individual to which our blog proudly appeals:

"went to a titty bar, byob, and full nude, saw not a single jays fan, but it was cold and rainy and we got our asses kicked. didn't wear my jays gear, because not sure if the titty bar would allow hats and jerseys.....

pussy good here, philies fans not so much. Got my 93 hat to show off and a modern hat too. fuck them mother fuckers, 1993 was a glorious year. JOE CARTER

will report later when I actually go to a game tomorrow........"

Go forth and do us proud, young taoist.

What's the Jays' Scrappy Grit Quotient?

So let's see. They add scrappy gamers Eckstein and Rolen, but they release gutsy heart-filled scraptaculous gamers Reed Johnson yesterday and Sal Fasano today. Which should just about even things out, right?

Funny, but for all of the pissing and moaning about this team lacking guts or heart, you never seem to hear anybody calling Wilner to complain that the Jays don't have enough skill.

The Cubs just increased their Scrappy Grit Quotient
So Reed Johnson is on his way to the North Side of Chicago. We wonder what the fans there will make of the peculiar, goatish looking facial scruff he sports. Somehow, we doubt that will go over well.

At $1.3 million for one year, Johnson makes a fine low-risk signing for the Cubs, who'll use him as a supersub. We'd wish Reed well, but we know that any success that he has will be followed by a litany of Griffin mailbags second-guessing the move: "You see! I'm more smarter that J.P., because I would have kept Reed Johnson, who's killing it in the weakest division in baseball! I'm totally more smarter and more popular than J.P.! I give out my cell phone number to everyone! I don't have a plan, and everything that I say with the benefit of 20/20 hindsight works out totally perfectly! Did you know that I used to work for the Expos?"