Try not to look so sad, chums

It's been quite a ride so far, hasn't it? The hot start through the nine weeks of the season helped to separate the true believers from the doubters, and the hopeless romantics from the incorrigible cynics.

Ah, the salad days: Homers were bountiful, and pitching performances were surprisingly satisfying. Brett Cecil got the call, and quickly emerged as the future (if not present) ace of the staff. Travis Snider was out of the lineup, but we hardly seemed to notice, given the performances of Fred Lewis and José Bautista. We'd even managed to relax about the whole thing with The Manager, even stepping in occasionally to (quietly) defend one of his moves. We looked at the standings daily, and saw the Jays sitting above the Red Sox, and mere percentage points behind the Yankees.

These were good days, and times to savour. We could hardly have been happier. We relaxed, smiled, and put on five more pounds.

But on the tenth week, it suddenly went ugly. There were shit-kickings, painfully close games that got away or never seemed far from our grasp. But all of it added up to a week with only a single narrow escape of a win. (And that win only added to our general anxiety about Kevin Gregg as our closer, leading people to start talking wistfully about the days of the Beej and Billy Koch. Or maybe that was just us...)

We've all been conditioned at this point to keep our eyes open and to anticipate the moment in the season where it all goes wrong for the Jays, and where they slip off the pace and back into the mid-pack (or lower) of the American League for good, so a week like this is certainly going to resonate. And while we're generally committed to be the last dude handcuffed to the ship's rail when it hits the ocean floor, we'll confess that there was much about this past week that causes us concern.

(Like JoBau's inability to hit inside pitches. Or the Jays' inability to get guys on and move them along. Or the spectacular ratfuck that is the fifth spot in the rotation. Or the prospect of meeting up with the Padres and the Cardinals.)

But if we can offer any solace in this, we'd tell it you like Ray Charles' momma told him: There's gonna be hard times. This past week sucked, but you've got to just pick up your replica retro Jays cap, dust it off, slap it back on your mellon and hope for a better week ahead.

This team has surprised us already, so let's try to hang onto those happy thoughts, even as they drift into memory. Because the alternative is a long miserable summer.

The Interleague Intern checks in

As noted previously, we took a brave step forward in engaging an intern to write us a summary of his experiences at this weekend's Jays-Phillies series.

As with any intern, the enthusiasm for the task was definitely there, even if the work itself needed a little tidying up.

The Interleague Intern shall remain nameless, if only because we know that having your name tied to certain debaucherous activities can be met with a certain amount of scorn in the corporate offices of, oh, let's say a big insurance company.

Here are the (mostly) unexpunged thoughts from the intern's adventures in the city of Brotherly (and apparently Sisterly) Love:

Got into Philadelphia about 3 O'clock on Friday afternoon and had to make to required 1st stop at Jim's Steaks in south Philly, forget Pat's and Geno's (the places you always see on TV) they pale in comparison to what Jim's has to offer. After increasing my risk of heart disease, my friends and I proceeded to check into our hotel about 10 miles outside downtown Philly. Staying outside of Philly sucks, but since it was graduation weekend for seemingly all of Philadelphia's Universities (they have more colleges than A.J. Burnett has stints on the DL) I had no choice but to stay farther away than I'd like and taxi it around due to my constant drunken state.

Went to a titty bar in East Philly which was a $20 cover, but being able to bring your own beer makes it all the worth while. (The EDITORS ASK: Is this a common practice in the States? How do they call themselves a bar if they don't sell booze?) Was able to stay anonymous as a Jays fan which was fine by me since we got our asses handed to us by Jayson Werth. Not sure if what went on was legal in this bar, but I must say, the 11:30 "Lesbian Show" was completely fucking insane. I figured perhaps some girls grinding on each other and some light spanking, but I was pleasantly shocked by what I saw. 4 girls took the stage and paired off into two's, two of them proceeded (EDITORS NOTE: Yikes! Various unnatural acts censored, for the sake of the children!) while making out. I could not believe it, but it sure was as satisfying as back to back world series wins. No Blue Jays fans seen this night, even in the tourist areas later that evening. We headed back to our hotel about 3 a.m. and drank some more knowing the Saturday game wasn't until 7 at night.

Day 2. Arrive about 5 at Citizens Bank Park, which is a nice field, but too far from downtown to walk. My friends and I go to our seats in left center field by the bullpens and watch batting practice. So after watching the Phillies hit, the Jays start their thing and based on their BP you figure they can actually hit in games, as we all know this isn't the case. I managed to catch a BP HR from Matt Stairs. Rios sure can mash when there's no pressure and no velocity, I hope he can start killing the ball again in live games and even little David Eckstein managed to park a BP homer. I think after he did that, he ran down to the clubhouse to call his mom and ask how proud she is of him. Anyways, to the game itself - Scott Rolen was heavily booed for some reason (Philly fans are completely oblivious to the fact that the Phils traded him) and he ripped a double down the line. A base running blunder (first of many) ended the inning. In the 2nd, bases loaded with Barajas up (more booing from the retarded Phillies fans - he had his option declined by Philly after last year) I was just praying for a clutch hit which we don't get very often, but was shocked as hell when the ball went over the fence. I went nuts and got shit thrown on me for doing so. After that the game got pretty dull for a while, AJ surprisingly never had the horrendous inning I expect from him each start. The Phillies inched to within 1 going into the ninth but after Barajas came through again, and a key error by that fat ass Howard we had a nice cushion for B.J. and the game was sealed. Player of the game obviously Barajas and Goat of the game was obviously Howard (0-4 3K and an Error) I find it amazing how the Philly fans can cheer Howard and his .185 batting average, but boo Santa Claus. Anyways finally while leaving the stadium I got some verbal abuse from some drunk idiots one guy actually asked to fight in the parking lot, but I just reminded him of 1993 and kept walking. It's amazing that every time a cordial Phillies fan asked where I'm from they always phrased it "Are you actually from Canada?" (I'm not, but am not surprised that one assumes that all Jays fans are Canadian) When I state that I'm from Virginia, they remind me that apparently I'm a bad U.S. citizen for rooting for the Jays and proceed to be an asshole after asking nicely. Saturday night was pretty calm compared to Friday, got hammered and went to bed.

Day 3. RAIN - and lots of it. Kinda spoiled the Phanatic's birthday. Marcum had 3K's in the first, but unfortunately a 2 run HR by fat ass Howard put Philly up. After a boring ass 2 hour rain delay only exciting part was watching the Pens/Flyers on the big screen and seeing more Philadelphia misery, the game resumed. For the second day in a row, a shocking big HR got us going (if only we could get back 2006 Overbay while Wells is hurt). More rain and another shocking big hit from Shannon Stewart. A fantastic relief performance by Doc, an unsteady 9th from B.J.and it was 2 wins in 2 day for me to witness. It was back to the lot and 6 hours of driving for me to go back home but of course some more venom from the Philly faithful who were extra pissed due to the constant reminder of the Flyers score throughout the game, but I didn't care I'll always have 1993 and they got nothing on us,and once again we took the series just like we did back in the day. I left the city with visions of Cheese steaks, vagina, alcohol, and obnoxious Philly fans, but still the only thing I could hear was "Touch them all, Joe. You'll never hit a bigger home run in your life"

Overall, Jays fans were few and far between, maybe saw 30 of them over the two days perhaps that's why the Philly fans weren't too bad, I've seen the way they treat Mets fans, but since we hardly ever play each other and they have nothing on us I didn't get too much shit. Hopefully I'll see more Jays fans when I travel to Yankee stadium at the end of August.

It's a good thing we own Philly, but then again who doesn't (over 10,000 losses and counting, 1 world series in 125 years, and oddly enough, they were officially the Philadelphia Blue Jays from 1944 to 1945)

You can't keep Hector Luna down

We were reasonably sure that we'd never write these words again, but Hector Luna has been called up to the Jays from Syracuse for the weekend's series. So the Jorge Velandia Era may be over almost as quickly as it started.

Luna takes the place of Friday's emergency starter David Purcey, who is anxiously awaiting the opportunity to return to AAA where he can get the fuck away from Jayson Werth and pitch to minor league calibre hitters again. God speed.

(And incidentally, the fact that Jesse Litsch had to come mop up after Purcey kinda defeats the purpose of having brought him up in the first place...but we're sure it will all be fine in the end. Right?)

Scrappy Doo Eckstein will come off the DL and be back with the team on Thursday, so Luna's stay will be brief.

How Greene is my middle infield?
Speaking of infielders, we've been letting Jeff Blair's notion of Khalil Greene coming to the Jays stew in our noggin for a few days now, and we're now convinced that this would be the Single Greatest Player Personnel Move in the History of the Blue Jays. (Okay, that might be hyperbole, but we like to get the strongest opinion possible out there first, if only to stake out the territory for ourselves.)

Don't be deceived by the appearances. Sure, Greene pretty much sucks ass this year. We're not even clear how it is possible to have a sub .600 OPS, but he's managed to pull it off. Nevertheless, he managed 27 homers and 97 RsBI last year, playing half of his games in the cavernous neverland that is PetCo Park. Even if for the season Greene regresses back to his mean (15 homers in each of his last three years), he'll still be a far more productive hitter than Scrappy Doo. Moreover, he is a better defender than Eckstein, and he tends to heat up in July and August.

If the Pads are looking to hold a yard sale, then we sincerely hope that J.P. will be like our crazy aunt: get there at the crack of dawn carrying only a change purse and the negotiating skills of a third-world dictator.

The Tao's Interleague Intern in Philly
Having received many generous offers from readers this week willing to act as interns after our plaintive call for help, we took up one particular reader on his offer to send us missives from his road trip to Philly this weekend. The first reports back from the field were filed at about 4 am, and speak to the level of depraved individual to which our blog proudly appeals:

"went to a titty bar, byob, and full nude, saw not a single jays fan, but it was cold and rainy and we got our asses kicked. didn't wear my jays gear, because not sure if the titty bar would allow hats and jerseys.....

pussy good here, philies fans not so much. Got my 93 hat to show off and a modern hat too. fuck them mother fuckers, 1993 was a glorious year. JOE CARTER

will report later when I actually go to a game tomorrow........"

Go forth and do us proud, young taoist.

Interleague Tomfoolery

Our pal Neate has gone off on a bit of a rant about interleague play, complete with gratuitous Chumbawumba references.

As for us, we still kinda dig interleague play. Maybe it's just the novelty of seeing different parks and different teams - one can only watch Ty Wiggington so many times in calendar year - but there's something about interleague that gets us at least 6% more interested in the games.

The worst part about interleague play for Jays fans is the loss of Montreal as a natural rival. Those series provided some pretty memorable moments, including Jeff Juden's Canada Day gem against Roger Clemens in 1997, or Orlando Cabrera's 2001 walk-off at the Big O off Paul Quantrill. (Wait a second...why are we only remembering Blue Jays losses?)

And after watching the Jays hand the Phils their asses last night, we think they should be playing the NL East all year long.