Johnny Damon broke my wife's heart

True story: A few years back, when Johnny Damon was in the middle of his run with the Red Sox, Mrs. Tao fell head over heels for his rakish urban mountain man looks. She was so enraptured with Damon that she began to fancy herself as Red Sox fan and spent the 2004 playoffs swooning at his every at bat. Red Sox caps were purchased, and a McFarlane figurine of a diving Damon held a place of honour near her bedside. Occasionally, she'd begin stroking it's plasticized gluteal region.

Needless to say, these were dark days in our relationship.

When Damon left Boston for the hated Yankees, Mrs. Tao was incredulous. When she saw him clean shaven and freshly shorn at his news conference introducing him to the Bronx faithful, she was beside herself. And in that moment, Johnny Damon was dead to her. Shortly thereafter, we were engaged to be married. And we find it hard to believe that this is a coincidence.

So when we heard the news from the audience wrangler that Johnny Damon was scheduled to appear today with Strombo on The Hour tonight, we passed along word to our lovely bride. She met the news with a shrug, and told us firmly "I don't like stupid Johnny Damon any more."

We couldn't have been happier.

If you, on the other hand, are in the GTA and are interested in seeing the self-proclaimed idiot chatting it up with Canada's foremost hipster talk show host, then have at it. Here's the 411:

Johnny Damon Interview on The Hour - Wednesday May 13th - 2:00PM

Tickets are Free - to reserve, visit: www.cbc.ca/thehour/tickets and fill out the request form

Confirmation e-mail will follow

Show is 18+

CBC Building - 25 John Street.

About last night
So yeah, that was pretty fucking awesome, don't you think? A packed and emotionally-charged Dome, filled with love for Doc and hate for A.J.. Not to get too hokey about it, but that sort of crowd could make a difference for this team. (Okay, that was pretty hokey. But just play along with us.)

While we're anticipating a bit of a let down tonight in terms of attendance and the atmosphere in the park, we're hoping that some of the folks who made it down last night will be charged up enough to start coming back to the park and filling the joint for the rest of the season.

Given the way this team has performed thus far, they deserve your support.

Everybody's talking about Roy and A.J.

You know what we love? Talking baseball. Okay, fine. You probably already knew that.

But you have to understand where we're coming from here. We spend ungodly amounts of time thinking about baseball pretty much every day, all year round. To give you an idea of the degree to which the game permeates our life, we can tell you that on our honeymoon, Mrs. Tao brought three travel guides and a wedding book and a travel diary, and we brought two baseball preview magazines. (With her blessing, of course. She's swell that way.)

So given this passion for the game and the place that it takes up in our life, we are over the moon about the amount of chatter that tonight's pitching match up has generated in the last few days. In the midst of the hockey playoffs, with deciding games played last night, we had non-baseball fans mention Doc versus A.J. to us last night out of nowhere. Those who know that we're batshit for baseball took a moment to ask us about tonight's game, and what we thought would happen.

We're so excited and drunk on the possibilities that we don't really think we've said anything intelligent in reply to these queries. Mostly it's "Yeah, it's gonna be awesome!" or "I'm totally stoked for it, dude!" or "Oh yeah man! Epic! Woo!"

If we'd had anything insightful to say, we could have tried to convert them to giving up their devotion to pucks in favour of the greatest game of all. What a missed opportunity.

What folks are sayin'
Seeing as how we've been felled by a diminished capacity for cogent thoughts on this game, we'll drop in some links from those who've bothered to pull their shit together and offer actual thoughts and analysis.

The Drunk Jays Fans, naturally, are all over this, With Dustin (Fuck Off) Parkes throwing down hateful thoughts towards A.J., while Stoeten offers up an invaluable DJF Guide to "Welcoming" Returning Players.

Meanwhile, the DJF's nemesis Dick Griff is as understated and reserved as ever, calling this the "Game of the Year". You can take the kid out of the PR world, but you can't take the flack out of the kid, can you? (And as a bit of a sophist ourselves, we say that with affection.)

The rapscallions over at Food Court Lunch have a pretty hilarious breakdown of the matchup, in which words like "Cy Young" and "leader" and "artisan" are used to describe one of the combattants, while the other is referred to as an "asshat" and a "woman" and "like an elderly man urinating". We'll leave it to you to guess which is which.

The Blue Jay Hunter totally stole our Star Wars lightsabre battle idea, but seeing as how we have no photo editing skills beyond right-clicking and saving a photo from the web, it's probably best left in his able hands.

Mop Up Duty drops some statistical analysis of the match up, which just confuses us in our current state of girly giddiness.

Speaking of giddy girlies, Joanna at Hum and Chuck (who loves when people link to her blog and repays them with backhanded compliments and casual contempt) offers a clever alternative to booing A.J..

And as for the Yankees fans and blogs? Well, they are mostly pissing themselves over their overpriced mausoleum and Aubrey Huff's fist pumps, although LoHud's Peter Abraham does have a revealing piece on A.J.'s return. Unfortunately, he is sadly misinformed when he refers to Doc as A.J.'s friend.

Maybe this will assuage our inferiority complex
For those of you who moan about how the American media ignores the Blue Jays, take heart. The four-letter network's Jerry Crasnick has a lengthy piece on the team and their hot start to the season. (He noticed! He really noticed! We're swooning!)

Friday Rock Out - Keith Richards and the X-Pensive Winos

Not to come off as an ingrate, but hasn't this whole spring training been going on a little too long? We get that after a long and cold winter of waiting for baseball's return, we should be happy that we're just two weeks away from the start of real baseball. But at this point, we're getting so tired of talking about disingenuous spring mancrushes, and who's going to make the team and who's not. Just get on with it already.

Random Tidbittery

-Lloyd (as always) pretty much nails it when he looks at the rather provincial response to Chipper Jones' distaste for Toronto. If he doesn't care for Toronto, then fine, but it is probably a little bit much to view Chipper's take as the character flaw of a redneck yahoo.

-Bastian notes that Travis Snider will get down on his hands and knees to receive Doc's benediction. Brett Cecil will wake up early in the morning for the same approval. We can't even tell you what we'd do.

-If you're A.J. Burnett (or a vase, or a thin pane of glass), and you're going to get hit with a line drive off the bat of a Blue Jay, you'd probably want that bat to belong to John McDonald. Because that shit will not break you.

-Former Jays AGM Bart Given's started a blog at insidethemajors.com. And though he has some problems with misplaced apostrophes, it's worth a read here and there. There's some interesting insight into the dates of note for MLB front offices, which is especially relevant at this time of year.

And with that, we leave you with Keef and his band of musical assassins singing one of our favourite Stones songs. The Ack is back for the weekend, and we walk off for the week before they make us run.

Have I mentioned that I love the start of Spring Training?

Well, have I?

Because I do. If you're a baseball fan, then you do too. And if you don't, then I hate to break it to you, but you're probably not much of a fan. You're probably a bit of a front-running douchebag.

Seriously, the crack of the bat, the popping sound of a ball hittin' the mitt, everyone's a contender..... all that cliche bullshit. I love it. You know what, as of today, we're gonna win the goddamn pennant.

Incidentally, the picture heading this post might be the best thing I've seen in years. If Dave Stieb was flanking Doc's other shoulder - forget about it. Just stop taking pictures.

Anyway....onto a cornucopia of quick springtime hitters:

Underwhelmingly positive news, from the mouth of Roy Halladay
Didn't take long for the jackals in the media to hit Doc up with the question: "So how are you feeling about life as a Blue Jay these days, Roy?"

Answer: "For me, obviously you do want to win, you want to be a part of a championship team," he said. "That doesn't necessarily mean I don't like it here ... I think that, obviously, if I had it my way it would be to win here. And I don't think we've totally given up that hope."

Um, good to hear. I guess. I don't want to talk about this one any further. Let's move on.

AJ Burnett and the New York media - a match made in heaven
...if you're a vindictive bastard who's hoping AJ falls flat on his face after signing with the MF Yankees, that is. Luckily, I'm not one of those guys, because Bobby MacLeod checks in with an early report on that relationship via discussion with a fellow scribe covering the Yankees.

I asked about A.J. Burnett, the former Blue Jays pitcher who bolted Toronto for the dough in the Big Apple.
“He's an idiot,” came the quick response.

Unexpected shout-out - here's to Dick Griffin
If you're anything like me - and for your sake, let's hope not - then you have a whole carcass of bones to pick with Richard Griffin's Blue Jay commentary during the season. Grind axes with JP Ricciardi much, Dick?

Having said that, Griffin is nailing it right now. Spring training is definitely right in his wheelhouse. He's giving me exactly what I want from a guy covering camp - early insights into the team & players, and he's having fun doing it. So here's a tip of the cap to you, Griff. Keep on keepin' on (at least until the regular season rolls around.)

On Robbie Alomar
I don't want to say much about this. It's too depressing. Robbie Alomar was my favourite player on some of the greatest Jays teams of all time. I'll never forget Alomar taking Dennis Eckersley yard in the 9th inning of Game 4 in the '92 ALCS. I went nuts watching the game in my parents' basement (nothing's changed - heyo!).

If I had to say anything, I'd probably say exactly what another personal fave, Patty Hentgen had to say about it:

"I hope that it's not true and if it is true, then God bless and I hope that his health can increase and get better."

Have I mentioned that I love Spring Training?
Because I do.

What's on the menu?

Blue Jay fans will recall the mid-season meltdown where the ever-so-media-savvy A.J. Burnett announced that he would relish (see what I did there?) the chance to pitch in a town where they serve up some baseball for "breakfast, lunch, and dinner."

Ask, and ye shall receive. Welcome to New York, A.J.! It's an acquired taste, but I'm sure you'll get used to your meals prepared by pressure cooker as opposed to the slow roasting method you've become familiar with over the course of the past three seasons. Shouldn't be a problem, should it?

Like the esteemed Tao, I'm trying my best to be indifferent concerning the "A.J.-as-a-Yankee" era. After all, Team Burnett didn't break any rules, were well within their negotiated right to exercise the opt-out clause....and the situation played out pretty much - no, exactly - as we all thought it would, didn't it? So, what gives?

How about this quote, for starters?

"Whether you love them or hate them, everybody wants to be a Yankee."

Terrific. Thanks for the insight, A.J.

But wait - there's more. Remember the alleged conversation with (future Blue Jay) Carl Pavano regarding life as a Yankee? Yeah....that didn't exactly happen during an offseason career soul-searching session. It happened in September, during the Jays last trip to Yankee Stadium:

Down the stretch, Burnett even received a thumbs-up review of New York from a surprising source -- Carl Pavano, the much-maligned Yankees right-hander and a former Marlins teammate.

Standing down the third-base line during the Blue Jays' September visit, Burnett and Pavano dodged batting-practice drives and spoke honestly about what life is like pitching for the Yankees. Pavano's positive review surprised even Burnett.

"He said it's great," Burnett said. "He recommended that I come here and believed that I need to come here to really blossom and start something special. The first thing he told me is that he didn't do it right from the beginning and got off on the wrong foot in New York. But it's a great place to play and a great place to live."

Well, I'm so glad to hear that your commitment to the Jays was unwavering throughout the season, Allan James. Really good to know that you "honestly had no idea" what you were going to do with the opt-out.

So, about that breakfast, lunch, and dinner.....I hope you enjoy them, A.J. Try not to choke on it.

A one-sentence post on...A.J. in pinstripes

We're usually a little more measured about this sort of thing, but goddamnit, when we look at that grinnin' douchebag traipsing about in a Yankees uniform, it just makes us want to hate him in all sorts of ugly ways.

The Tao's Links in Bulk

(Oh Sour Jubes...you are our kryptonite.)

Tim Johnson Rides Again
The disgraced former Jays manager has caught on with the Tuscon Toros of the Golden League. (Or so he claims.) For some reason, the independent league team decided to literally parade Johnson through town on a horse.

(And BTW...how good does Tim Johnson's 88-win season look now?)

Ernie Whitt for Manager! (Of Clearwater!)
The Phillies named Ernie Whitt manager of their Single-A affiliate in Clearwater. The Drunks mocked. Anonymous commenters went apeshit. Hilarity ensued.

Speaking of Anonymous Whingeing
In an article titled "All I Want for Christmas...for the Sports Fan" and credited to "Sun Media", some anonymous and angry copy desk jockey takes two gratuitous swipes at J.P., but refrains from telling Parkes to fuck off. (Not that there's anything wrong with anonymity, right?)

Cathal Kelly: Friend of P, Not of A.J.
It's a few days old now, but Cathal Kelly's takedown of A.J. in last weekend's Star is a dilly of a mythbuster on the enigmatic hurler. The Ghosties quite rightly noted that this is the sort of piece that we would like to see written when the malingerer is still in town, but never will.

Putting A.J.'s Departure in Perspective
Jon Hale talks Jays fans off the ledge at the Mockingbird.

Reed Johnson: Still Super-Awesome
Or so says MLB.com, as they use the signing of the diminutive outfielder with the effeminate gait by the Cubbies last March as a shining example of the sort of remainder bin shopping that many teams (like the Jays!) will have to do this spring.

Our Saviour: Rick Ankiel
The Southpaw makes the modest (and somewhat reasonable) proposal that the Jays trade closer B.J. Ryan to the Cardinals for Rick Ankiel. If nothing else, the trade would exponentially increase the likelihood of Will Leitch sightings at Blue Jays games.

Final thoughts on A.J., and dubious reporters' anonymous sources

A.J. to the ATL
If there was any justice in the universe, A.J. would sign with Atlanta today so that we can rid our minds of any thoughts of him someway, somehow making his way back to Toronto.

It was fun to have him around while it lasted, but when it comes to A.J., we'd laid the wreath upon that stone some time ago.

The Braves are a great fit for A.J., and we suspect that for the first little while, he'll look like Nolan Ryan and will make some comment about Toronto that will put our knickers in a twist. Then he'll blow out his arm, and someone in Atlanta will wonder if they learned anything from their half-decade with Mike Hampton.

Godspeed, Pete Puma.

There are anonymous sources, and then there is this horseshite
Our antipathy towards Marty York has been expressed on numerous occasions, but we never thought that our views of Canada's Premier Commuter Paper Sports Journalist could fall further.

That was until we say York's piece on the Jays' layoffs in their ticketing department.

While the story was definitely newsworthy, we can't believe that York had the audacity to include the following paragraph:

"Sources in professional sports told Metro that no Canadian sports franchise in history has laid off as many employees in one day as the Jays did Tuesday."

We're sorry, but that is an absolute load of hooey.

There is a time and place to make use of anonymous sources in journalism, but they should be used judiciously, and only when there is no other option. This clearly is not one of those times. This is a simple statement of facts, and if York wanted to run with it, he should have verified those numbers instead of taking the lazy way out.

Unfortunately, someone is going to take this purported statement of facts as the truth, when for all we know, it was the usher at Toronto Rock games who made the claim off the top of his head. If York had any shame at all, he would have either found a legit source that would go on the record with this claim, or he would have done the research himself.

We don't expect much from Marty York, but this is even beneath his low standards.

The glacial pace of the offseason

We have another full week before the Baseball Winter Meetings even get underway.

Which means another seven days of random speculation on A.J. Burnett; another seven days of people talking absolute shite about trading Roy Halladay; seven more days of hearing absolutely SFA of substance about the 2009 free agent class; seven more days of rehashed think pieces on Scott Boras and his influence on the game (Suggested title: Scott Boras - Is He the Devil? Or Something Far Far Worse?); seven more days of hearing how fat C.C. Sabathia is; seven more days of hearing experts say the following words: "Once the first major signing is made, that will set the market, and I think you'll see a lot of dominoes start to fall after that."...which is what passes for insight these days.

Now if you'll excuse us, we're pricing out a hyperbaric chamber for our apartment so that we can hibernate for the next few months in an oxygen rich environment while waiting for pitchers and catchers to report. Wish us luck.

Five years is a long time

Don't get us wrong...We love A.J. as much as the next guy. But five years? How many DL trips is that? What's the over/under on the number of "sharks" biting in his elbow between now and 2013?

As a point of reference, think about what the Red Sox did with hometown heroes Pedro Martinez and Johnny Damon: They walked away from bad contracts that were too long, spared themselves the sight of those two players going to hell in a Red Sox uniform, and won a World Series along the way. The Yankees and Mets? Not so much.

Maybe J.P. should take heed.

A one-sentence post on...bromance

After the seasons they've had, capped off by Roy Halladay's 20th win last night, who could begrudge Doc and A.J. if they wanted to indulge in a little public display of affection?

Bonus housekeeping sentence
It's Friday, so the Ack is back for the final weekend the regular season.

The long goodbye

It happens every few years that a pitcher walks off the field, and there is that overriding sense that they have thrown their last pitch in a Jays uniform. There was Jimmy Key in 1992, or Pat Hentgen in 1999. Each time, we find ourselves holding out some sort of hope that maybe they'll be back, someway or somehow. Experience tells us that it rarely happens.

And so, we watched last night as A.J. Burnett pitched a dilly of a game against the Yankees' B squad, then strode off the mound for what in all likelihood was his last appearance as a Jay at the Rogers Centre.

Over his three years with the franchise, A.J. was a big huggy bear who was often the first Jay off the bench to offer a loving clinch to whatever pitcher was walking off the field. So it made sense that the entire expanded roster lined up last night to welcome A.J. after his 11 strikeout performance with a last meaningful hug for the enigmatic hurler.

(And was it just us, or did Roy Halladay's hug linger a little longer than most? Doc can pull that off, because he's twice the man that we'll ever be. But we digress.)

Last night's swan song might have been a little easier were it not Shaun Marcum's injury. We were pretty comfortable in the notion that A.J. was going to bugger off and get ridiculous money from someone, and that the Jays would be better off plowing those sorts of dollars into a hitter. But with Marcum out until 2010, the remote notions that maybe (just maybe) the team could make a play to keep him here for a few more years started to get floated out there.

And damn it if we didn't start to internalize them ourselves. We're a sucker that way.

We don't exactly know what to make of A.J. Burnett's stay in Toronto. His arm troubles through his first two seasons were agonizing and suspect (remember the "sharks in my elbow" comments?), but at the same time, Burnett was the sort of pitcher who could bring you out of your seat with his stuff.

Moreover, he was a character and brought some semblance of personality to a team of taciturn strong silent types. Sure, we pissed on Burnett's shaving cream pies and his races against various Mexican food products, but we quietly laughed along with his antics. It was (dare we say it?) just A.J. being A.J..

If he's truly gone (and it is ludicrous that we are even holding out hope that he'll stay), then we're going to miss him.

Marcum joins the Breakfast Club

Casey Janssen.

Jeremy Accardo.

Dustin McGowan.

And now, Shaun Marcum joins the list of talented young Blue Jay pitchers to have a season wiped out by major arm problems. Nice little run of luck there, huh? You know, we're not talking about a group of roster filler, AAAA-type pitchers here, either. These were (are) all players who showed they were (again, are) capable of being big pieces of this "new Jays" team that was poised to take a run at the top of the division.

All Casey Janssen did in 2007 was post a tidy 2.35 ERA in 70 relief appearances, serving as arguably the team's most reliable set-up man. Jeremy Accardo? Stepped in and saved 30 games for the injured BJ Ryan (another TJ survivor). Dustin McGowan? Started fulfilling his promise as a top-of-the-rotation future staff ace - a guy touted as a Cy Young dark horse by the likes of ESPN's Buster Olney, who just might know a thing or two about baseball. Shaun Marcum? Well, I'd argue this is the biggest blow of the bunch.

This one hurts.

See, starting pitching is a hot commodity in MLB, in case you haven't noticed. Young, cheap, talented starting pitching? Forget it. Losing McGowan mid-season was tough, but we knew he'd be back in the spring (or close to it), and the Jays would just have to rely on one of the other arms in the system (as it turned out, Dr. Purcey and Mr. Hyde) to close out the year, and with AJ Burnett surely leaving (or is he?.....), maybe serve as the fifth man heading into next. Now, the Blue Jays have to add two unproven arms to the equation (failing any significant free agency moves, as JP is hinting will be the case), as Marcum won't even be back throwing until 2010 - and probably not back to being fully effective until 2011.

You may have seen me say this in the comments section, but......fuck.

Oh, and can we put to bed the notion that Marcum had become a bit of a prima donna around the clubhouse? Watch the end of the clip attached here, and tell me if it doesn't get a little dusty for you. Christ, I bet Doc even welled up before telling his tear ducts to fuck off.

Let's hope AJ gave Marcum one of his patented hugs. Huggy Bear Burnett, I've been calling him. Has anyone else been noticing this all season?






Don't worry Shaun....we won't forget about you.

(see how I tied it all together there?)

Checking in after Game 1

Sniderman, Sniderman, does whatever a Snider can....

Umm, yeah. Holy fucking shit. Travis Snider. 20 years old. Gimme a B!......

Oh, and AJ Burnett?

Bring on Big Fat Bartolo Colon in Game 2....

David Purcey is going to have to do better than that

If Purcey expects to compete and fill up the all-important win column, he's going to have to do more than pitch eight innings, strike out 11 and hold the opposition to one run as he did in last night's 1-0 loss to the Rays.

Pitchers like Purcey have got to learn to show more heart out on the mound, and with a little more grit and determination, they can will their teammates to score more runs.

With every great pitching performance, we worry about the pitching staff
You see a performance like last night's and you wonder: Where does Purcey fit in next year? Obviously, you have to figure that he'll be in the rotation. Does he skip past Litsch? Does it even really matter?

Moreover, we wonder about how the entire staff shakes out after A.J. Burnett leaves (and we're pretty much resigned to the fact that he will.) While everyone is certain that this year's success from the pitching staff is a sure indicator that everything is fine and that all efforts should be focussed on getting a bat for next year, we're a little concerned with Shaun Marcum's post-injury struggles, Dustin McGowan's unknown prognosis, Litsch's teeter-totter of a season and Purcey's control issues.

Yeah, sure the Jays have got the lowest ERA in the Majors, but does it necessarily follow that you'll see the same level of performance next year? We're not convinced.

Why are we so focussed on next year all of a sudden?

Was that meaningful for you?

Because fuckit dude, we've got wood after that win.

Yeah, we know that the playoffs are still a long shot, but that's what makes this next stretch of the season fun: Every game is going to at least feel like it matters. And did you see the reaction of the players after tonight's game? Hell, the Jays fans were outcheering the Yankees fans at the Dome tonight!

Now let's move to the Roll Call...
A.J. Burnett: Wicked awesome. Has he pitched a game as a Blue Jay better than tonight's?
Adam Lind: More awesome than awesome. We can believe how often we're referring to him.
Lyle Overbay: A gritty awesome gamer with the glove. That was an amazing game saver in the ninth.
Johnny Damon: No longer an option in centerfield. But thanks to Joe Girardi for putting him out there tonight.
J.P. Arencibia: Drove in his 100th RBI of the season tonight. At least someone in the Jays system is going to reach that milestone.

Revisiting Rolen

"I can't believe I passed my physical." - Scott Rolen, January 15, 2008

Ouch.

Well, the Greatest Blue Jay of All Time has finally hit the DL with a bum shoulder, and nobody should be surprised if that's it for his season. I know that I certainly won't be. In my mind, it comes down to one of the following options:

(a) rest and therapy, which, reading between the lines (as I so often do - not sure if you've noticed), means "learn to play through the pain, but realize you'll never be as productive offensively as you once were", or....
(b) endure a fourth (fourth!) surgery on that ailing left shoulder in hopes of getting it right, and returning to form next season.

Ouch. Yes, I realize I already said that, but do either of those options look appealing to you? How do you think they look to Rolen? Now, I could be wrong on this - let me rephrase - I hope that I'm wrong on this, and the rest/therapy option is all that's needed, Rolen comes back strong for a few weeks to close out the season, and he's at full strength to start 2009. That would be the best case scenario. That would be, in Blue Jays blogginology, fucking nails.

But let's just say that I would be very surprised if that's all it took to get Rolen back to the 40 doubles-smashing, 20 HR hitting, 90 RBI collecting, .280 hitter I had hoped (there's that word again) the Jays were getting. After all, he had a full offseason (and then some, thanks to the weirdest fielding practice injury in history) to rest the shoulder, and apart from a hot start and the rarest of rare stretches, he hasn't looked right at the plate all season. So why would 2 weeks of DL time make a difference?

And that sucks. Really, really sucks. Hard. But you know what teems with equal amounts of bullshit? The "fire JP" crowd that chooses to use this as yet another indictment on his record.

"Look at Glaus this season! He has 21 HR and 79 RBI for St. Louis! And we have no power in our lineup! JP screwed up again! Asshole!"

Look, I'd like to think I'm pretty down the middle with Ricciardi, in that I see a lot of sense in a many of the moves he makes (the Overbay trade, the Accardo trade, signing Scutaro for next to nothing, etc), but disagree with close to an equal amount of others (the Thomas signing, Shannon Stewart, Brevin Mencherson, etc). Having said that, I don't know how anyone could score the Rolen-Glaus trade as anything but a win-win for both sides at the time of the deal.

Unhappy injury-prone third baseman for unhappy injury-prone third baseman. Bad wing for bad wheels. A slight dropoff in offense for a huge upgrade in defense. That was the score at the time, and to apply the "Glaus is killing it!" logic now is complete and unequivocal bullshit.

First of all, it's laughable hindsight to compare offensive stats, because nobody was predicting so little from Rolen, just as nobody was predicting this much from Glaus. Secondly, does anybody really think Glaus would be putting up the same numbers in Toronto this year? On the fieldturf that was somehow apparently destroying his body? In a lineup that doesn't feature Albert Pujols?

Finally, let's not forget that Glaus, while being a classy pro about the situation, didn't want to be in Toronto any longer, so getting back an established Gold Glove caliber player with potentially plus offensive capabilities - at the same position - was just about the best case scenario. And that's exactly what Ricciardi accomplished with the trade.

AJ Burnett isn't talking to the media any more
Well, at least not to Wilner, and I'm scratching my head over this one. AJ says he's unhappy with the way he's portrayed on the radio..... but if you read his always excellent blog, you'll see that Wilner is his biggest defender. I guess AJ doesn't read blogs (not even this one, AJ?). I'm also guessing you can thank the Bobcat and his Merry Band of Baseball Ignorami for this development.

There's good-flaky AJ (inappropriate hat tip to the crowd, warming up to "Hangin' Tough"), and there's bad-flaky AJ (this). Come on dude, let's not spend our final weeks together this way. Don't go away mad.

Then again, maybe he's just making it easier for both of us to say goodbye.

I don't want to talk about the Indians series
...so I'm not going to.

A.J. Burnett is a three-wins-over-.500 pitcher

In his last four starts, A.J. Burnett is 3-1 with a 1.32 ERA, 31 Ks versus 8 BBs.

So, Steve Simmons: You know what's frustrating about A.J. Burnett? That the Blue Jays don't have him locked up for the next two years yet.

Speaking of which, the decision by the Blue Jays to hold on to Burnett (at least, that seems to be the message today) would lead any sentient being to assume that they're going to try to sweeten the pot to buy out his option. We don't know where the $4 million figure that has bounced around our comments section (as well as the Drunks') comes from, but we suspect that it wouldn't be enough. We're guessing that it's going to take more than $5 million over those last two years to wrap him up, especially since he'd probably attract offers of more than $15 million per annum in the off-season.

But what the fadoo do we know?

On Canadian pitchers, petulant GMs, and the Olympics
Anyone catch J.P. Ricciardi in the scrum yesterday, discussing the recall of Canadian pitcher Scott Richmond? We're not sure what the question was that set him off, but Ricciardi went into full-on smarmy, snarky, you-gotta-be-kidding-me mode when someone seemed to question him on whether if he considered the implications of Richmond missing the Olympics for Canada.

"When you grow up playing catch in your backyard, do you dream of playing in the Olympics or in the Big Leagues?" Ricciardi scoffed.

We'd have to side with J.P. on this one, and we'd draw a clear distinction between this and Colorado GM Dan O'Dowd's bullshit move to keep Jeff Francis out of the 2004 Olympics. Richmond is a career minor leaguer who's getting his first shot at the bigs at 28. Francis was a prospect who was ordered to stay in the minor leagues and not join the Olympic team just because.

Oh, and by the way...fuck Jeff Francis.

Steve Simmons is a smug cheapshot artist

Actually, to call the Sun Media hack an artist of any sort is to give him way more credit than he deserves. But we couldn't help but get enraged by his lazy swipe at A.J. Burnett's Friday night performance against the Rays.

In his Sunday column, Simmons spat out the following bile: "This is why A.J. Burnett makes people scream: He is pitching brilliantly. He has a one-run lead against a Tampa team that has lost seven straight. And he gives up a home run to a nobody ninth-place hitter to lose the game."

Well, Steve-O, here's the thing about "nobody ninth-place hitters": they still let them step up to the plate with a bat in hand, and they still let them swing away at pitches. Sometimes, those swings connect just right, and the results aren't always favorable to the defense, regardless of who the pitcher is.

And it might even be worth noting that Ben Zobrist, the nobody in question, has twice as many homers this season (4) as Aaron Hill did before he went down...in approximately one-third as many at bats.

Moreover, isn't is pretty weak to single out that one pitch to the "nobody" when A.J. had otherwise pitched well enough to win, but was once again betrayed by the sputtering Jays offense?

To pick up on a meme that the Drunks like to trot out: If Roy Halladay had tossed out that same pitching line as A.J., he's be regarded as a gutsy gamer who was failed by his team. But because it's A.J., he's a punk .500 pitcher with no heart. What bullshit.

And not to engage in the same cheapshot artistry that Simmons seems to prefer, but we wonder what is the appeal of the horsefaced, smug, crayon-eater's scribblings and rantings. The only significant contribution that Simmons makes to the Canadian media landscape is to remind us in his appearances on TSN that male pattern baldness and hair gel are a really tragically bad combination.

More from the Sun
When the whole lot of coaches from the 1990's joined Cito on the Jays' staff, someone joked about Mel Queen joining the team. Turns out (as Bob Elliot writes today) that it wasn't such a stretch after all.

A time to cheer, a time to mourn the end of the year

It was a weird confluence of events last night. Before the game, cheerful legendary happy healthy younger-than-his-age Cito Gaston essentially told the press that this season was over ("Maybe come up with a couple more players and this is going to be a good contending ball club next year.") Next year...bloody next year already, and it isn't even the All-Star Break.

J.P. Ricciardi followed up, and if he didn't throw in the towel ("Now does that mean we're going to be a playoff team? No, the chances are probably not good that way...") then he certainly has the towel in his hands waving it over his head.

And then, smack in the middle of this season of misery, there was the visceral thrill of a Jays walkoff victory after Orioles shortstop Freddie Bynum allowed a hard hit Scott Rolen ground through his wickets with Alex Rios on third...O! Victory!

And yet, somewhere in the middle of the game, Dustin McGowan walked off the mound with a sore shoulder that needs to be examined via MRI, right at about the same time that the Chicago (Eat! Breathe! Live! Baseball!) Cubs knocked down the next domino in the trade puzzle by acquiring Rich Harden et al. from Oakland.

So, given those two events, is it hello to A.J. or goodbye A.J.?

Opening Day 2009 is nine and a half months away. That's a long time to hold out hope.