Blogging Letterman style (or, 10 reasons I'm excited for the '09 season) - Pt II

You're still with me?

5. Because Cito Gaston is kicking all kinds of ass and taking names
If we've learned anything about the New Gastonian Era (terminology hat tip), it's that you don't mess with The Cito. Mike Mussina can kiss his ass, and apparently, Roger Clemens is an asshole. Cito - such language! Think about the children!

There's a good chance there's a little bit of senility creeping in, but you know what? I'm really enjoying this new 'shoot from the lip' Cito. You have something else to say, Joe Maddon? Then you'd best be ready to throw down. The Cito isn't messing around in '09, man.

4. Because of The Arnsberg Effect
If you tell me that it's possible to have a man-crush on a pitching coach, then I will tell you that I think I have one on Brad Arnsberg. Seriously, if any one man can cobble together a workable staff out of the fresh faces filling out the Jays rotation this year, it's Arnie. His handling of one Ricardo Romero Jr (I may have made the Junior part up - no idea) this spring has been nothing short of nails.

He may have saved your career, Ricky - now go reward him with 14 wins.

3. Because of the kids
When's the last time we, as fans of the Toronto Blue Jays, had a crop of talent like this coming up through the system? Sniderman and Young Adam Lind are here to rake, and we have 3 young arms in the rotation (Litsch, Purcey, Romero) looking to establish themselves as big leaguers.

The next wave includes impact bats like JP Arencibia and some usable sticks like Scotty Campbell and Brad Emaus. The best may be yet to come on the mound, with future rotation horse Brett Cecil due to arrive mid-season, and spring darling Brad Mills is on standby should someone falter. I'm an ardent follower of boxscores on MiLB, and I plan on continuing that trend this season.

(What? You think that's sad? Fuck you! How else am I supposed to follow the daily trials and tribulations of kids like Balbino Fuenmayor and Timmy Collins? That's right - I didn't think you had another answer.)

2. Because the Blue Jays have nothing to lose
I mean, it's going to be a dogshit season, right? That's what all the experts are saying, yes? The Jays will be in a 4th place battle with Baltimore, correct? Good, glad we have that settled. Now I can carry on and enjoy the season with absolutely no anxiety over each and every one of the 162 games on the schedule.

Every win is a bonus. Contenders should be embarrassed to lose to this team. Close defeats will be moral victories. Et-cet-era.

(Now where's my Prozac?)

1. Because PENNANT!

Blogging Letterman style (or, 10 reasons I'm excited for the '09 season) - Pt I

First things first, I feel like I owe everyone who takes the time to read this an apology. I've had a horseshit offseason and have not been delivering the goods. I'm better than that. Wait a minute - no, I most definitely am not better than that. Even still, reading over some of my posts over the last few months leaves me (and you, I'm sure) underwhelmed.

To right this wrong, I'm going to resort to a highly original concept and list off 10 reasons why I am STOKED about the 2009 Blue Jays baseball season. Hey, if you can't find a beacon of light here at the Tao of Stieb to shine through all the negativity surrounding the team, where are you gonna find it, huh?

(as an aside, and I wasn't going to sully the post with my own selfish agenda, but fuck it......THERE IS TIME TO MAKE THIS RIGHT, ROGERS. COME TO YOUR SENSES AND AIR THE HOME OPENER ON SPORTSNET WEST INSTEAD OF SOME BULLSHIT REGULAR SEASON CALGARY FLAMES HOCKEY GAME. JESUS!)

On to the business at hand....

10. Because contending team or not, it's baseball, baby
We're all friends here, right? No? Then fuck off! For those of you still here, I have a confession to make....until April 28, 1996, baseball was my summer fling. For the months of October through April, my heart belonged to another, and I thought we'd be together forever. Then a man who makes Bud Selig look competent and handsome swooped in and destroyed our marriage. I've yet to recover.

Desperate for a rebound, I latched onto the only other who had been there for me through it all. Baseball. My summer obsession became a full blown addiction, and here we are.

My name is the Ack, and I'm addicted to baseball.

9. Because we've got the Doc
Know this - the Toronto Blue Jays could finish last in the division and smell worse than my winter's contributions, but for 32 or 33 nights this season, we will have bliss (yeah yeah yeah - barring injury or - barf - trade).

There's really nothing more that I can say about Roy Halladay that hasn't already been said by other bloggers or major media outlets. I will remind you, however, that beneath the stainless steel exterior lies a cyborg heart of gold.

(Did someone open a window? Did it just get a little dusty in here?)

8. Because I believe in Scott Rolen
People just loooove to dump on Ricciardi for bringing in Scott Rolen, don't they? (Exception - here.)

"Everyone knows that he's got a bad shoulder! He's Johnny Mac at 3rd base! He's always hurt! He makes too much money! I'm unhappy with my life and projecting those feelings of disappointment on JP Ricciardi!"

Well, I've got a news flash for you. He's going to smash 60 extra base hits and play the ever living shit out of the hot corner this season. I believe in Scott Rolen.

7. Because Matt Mays predicts post-season success
My favourite lyric of the year:

"The National Post front page said
George W. Bush is dead
And the Jays beat the Reds!
10 million people broken hearted"

(late research edit - so, it seems the Jays do have a regular season interleague series against Cincy this season. Matt Mays most definitely penned those lyrics before the release of the 2009 MLB schedule, therefore, we are forced to believe he was, indeed, referring to a World Series matchup. Sorry, Ohio.)

6. Because I get to do this
I thought that I would wait until my one-year anniversary (or something equally sentimental and girlish) to throw a public shout out to my benefactor, the Tao, for allowing me to pollute his blog on the weekends. But hey, seems we don't need to wait for a nice even anniversary to celebrate these things, so here it is.

Thanks, Tao, for the space, and for trusting the site's good name with my nonsense, and thanks to everyone for reading and commenting - good, bad, or otherwise. I'll tell you what, venting to a public audience sure beats rocking in the fetal position in my (mother's - heyo!) basement with the lights turned off after yet another one run defeat featuring numerous squandered bases-loaded opportunities (hypothetically, of course).

Later in the weekend - Part II....

Friday Rock Out (Not Really a Rock Out) - Ok Blue Jays!

Kudos to the ever-grinding Go Jays Go tumblr for tracking down this nostalgic nugget from the days when the Jays wore blue and were on their climb to the top for the first time.

We get a little misty eyed looking at the cast of characters in this video. Key! Moseby! Willie Freaking Upshaw! Ernie! (All is forgiven!) Buck Martinez with his broken leg and porn stache tagging out Gorman Thomas!

With all of the pissing and moaning that's gone on over the offseason, it's easy to lose sight of the reason why any of us spend 12 months per year agonizing over every minor league free agent deal, and every Spring demotion or Fake Game homer hit by someone who was never going to make the team anyhow.

We do it because, goddamnit, we love this game, and the fact that the real games are finally almost here has put an extra spring in our step.

A few housekeeping items

-Jeff Pearlman clarifies what his book actually said about this whole Clemens-Cito imaginary battle royale (but thanks to the Canadian media for the free pub!) Meanwhile Neate (who has actually read Pearlman's book) digs a little deeper.

-Paul Beeston, who is absolutely 100% full of shit and we love him for it, says that the Jays will boost the payroll to $120 million if the team has a shot of winning. So, if we've got this straight: They'll spend money to win if they are winning, but only if they are winning and not to help them win. Awesome!

-The Drunks have produced another of their absolutely indispensible Guides, The DJF Guide to the 2009 Home Opener. If you are attending Monday's game, please be certain to review this material. There will be a quiz.

-Sportsnet will introduce innovative live entertainment platform interactivity into their Jays broadcasts this year that will make you feel like it is 1993 and you are playing NTL Trivia at a bar over wings and pitchers of Moosehead. Progress! There's no stopping it now!

Closing thoughts for this final weekend of the offseason
You know what folks? This week has been fucking awesome. You guys have rocked it out in the comments section over the past week (Voodoo Whammy!), and we truly appreciate all of your patronage over the offseason. It's been more than 135 posts since we've had actual game action to discuss, but we're happy that you've stuck with us over this long winter. Whatever happens this season, let's all have a bit of fun, okay?

Don't forget that TSN has the broadcast of a fake game on Saturday, and if the crick don't rise again (literally), the Ack should be on the job this weekend.

Is Cito getting a free pass?

There's an interesting line of discussion going on in the comments over at the Drunk Jays Fans over the relatively light hand that has been used with Cito Gaston this spring. The Drunks' Dustin Parkes raised the notion that some of the statements that Cito has made publicly through the Spring - and all the way back to the Winter Meetings, if you recall - are a bit goofy (and that's being generous). But for some reason, no one seems to be nearly as quick to call him on it as they were with his predecessor.

The question was raised as to whether or not if Gaston somehow has earned some extra rope based on his winning history, and whether or not if we should consider those past accomplishments when we're about to unload on the saintly Cito.

As we said in the comments on the Drunks' site:

People used to lose their shit talking about how John Gibbons sat in the dugout, or for any number of other minute, insignificant bullshit reasons.

Every word that came out of his mouth was interpreted to be the hopeless prayer of an idiot.

And if Gibby had ever made any of the weird speculatory statements that Cito has in this offseason, he would have been excoriated for them.

If people want to give Cito a free pass for life, maybe he should be the mascot and not the manager.

We have two basic thoughts about this whole Cito thing.

The first is that when we look at past performance as a reason for giving grace to the Jays' manager, it is at least worth noting that John Gibbons' performance - never fewer than 80 wins - was not as bad as people thought, and that moreover, Cito's later performance as skipper from 1995 to 1997 was far more dreadful than people remember. So it should probably be a wash.

The second thought that we have, though, is that we're probably as guilty as anyone in giving Cito a free ride over the past few months. There have been a number of times that we've read a quote from Gaston and thought immediately that he was talking out of his ass, but rather than scampering over to Blogger to mercilessly take him down a peg, we shrugged and wrote it off as Cito filling the air and reporters digital recorders. There's nothing particularly wrong about that in February, where everyone is still shaking off the cobwebs and getting back to work. But in April, it starts to get a little more worrisome.

The free pass that we've been giving to Cito so far has less to do with the Back-to-Back Salad Days, and more to do with our own knowledge of how uncouth our braying nincompoopery at Gibby's expense looks in retrospect. We probably did wrong by Gibby, and we don't necessarily want to make this blog an incessant screed against the manager of the day.

(But Gary Denbo, we'll never get tired of dumping on that punk.)

A One-Sentence Post on...Johnnie Mac

Though he made the Major League roster, that tick-tick-ticking that you hear is time running out on John McDonald's reign as everybody's all-time-favorite plucky, grindy, dirtbag, intangibly-awesome, two-million-dollar-earning, sac-bunting, all-glove-no-bat, plays-the-game-the-right-way (except-for-the-part-about-hitting-the-ball) utility bench warmer.

Rance doesn't cotton to your shenanigans

If you mess with his team, Rance Mulliniks will mess you up, bro.

Mulliniks' fiery side came out last week in a game between his College of the Sequoias Giants, for whom he is the assistant coach, and Fresno City College.

Damien Marquez of the Visalia Times-Delta reports that after arguing a call at third base, Fresno's Ron Scott turned into a flaming arsewipe douche and started mouthing off at the Giants' bench. That's when Rance stepped in:

"That caught COS assistant coach Rance Mulliniks' attention from the bullpen. He ran towards Scott, the two exchanged some heated words, and both coaches had to be restrained near home plate as players from each team slowly started to walk onto the field.

The umpires did manage to gain control of the situation. Mulliniks was ejected, but Scott was allowed to stay in the game."

Mulliniks was allegedly ejected because he pulled a switchblade and began screaming "IF YOU WANNA DANCE, YOU START WITH RANCE!"

(Actually, that's not true. But we totally wish it was.)

Funny, but Rance always struck us as a mild-mannered pacifist. Or maybe it only seems that way because he is being lulled to sleep by Jamie Campbell all season long.

The Beej is not a hampy camper

So B.J. Ryan is not totally thrilled with all the talk about the possibility of being supplanted in the closer role. "It's an uncomfortable question with a lot of uncomfortable answers" Ryan told the Globe's Rob MacLeod.

After another subpar outing yesterday, Ryan sports a 9.00 ERA in seven Grapefruit innings, walking seven and striking out six. His velocity, if it matters, topped out at 87 MPH yesterday.

Without papering over the concerns over Ryan's performance in the Spring, we don't mind the Jays' high-intensity closer being a bit pissed when talk arises about someone taking his job. That's the gunslinger mindset that many of the great closers have, and without getting too hokey about this, that sort of swagger counts for something.

Perhaps more troubling is the fact that Ryan isn't alone in his struggles. If there was an obvious candidate to step in and assume the closer role, we might understand the public speculation about Ryan's capacity to lock down the ninth. But a glance through at the other closer candidates shows some pretty spotty performances in the fake games:

• Scott Downs - 6.75 ERA in four innings, two walks and two K's
• Jeremy Accardo - 8.71 ERA in 10.1 innings, 18 hits, three walks and five K's
  
• Brandon League - 9.00 ERA in four innings, six hits, two walks and six K's
• Jason Frasor - 5.71 ERA in four innings, seven hits, a walk and four K's
  

Really, the only "standout" so far in the exhibition season has been Jesse Carlson, who hasn't allow a run yet, but three innings of work is a pretty microscopic sample size. We could make an argument for the recently dispatched Dirk Hayhurst, although we're not sure that he has the mythical "closer stuff" that we seem to be buying into lock, stock and barrel.

Look who snuck into the Super Duper Roundtable
Mop Up Duty has posted part two of its blogger roundtable, and we've managed to sneak in our views on the Jays' prospects for the coming year.

Monday morning, running on fumes

Running a motor vehicle indoors is not such a super idea for those who aren't suicidal
The motorcross jamboree held on Saturday night under the Rogers Centre dome forced an evacuation of the hotel rooms and restaurants overlooking the stadium. Isn't this yet another argument for turning the former SkyDome into a baseball-only venue?

So long to all of our spring mancrushes
Jason Lane and Brad Emaus - the Mantle and Maris of Dunedin in 2009 - both got their walking papers and will make their way to the Jays' minor league camp for reassignment. Also taking the walk of shame is Dirk Hayhurst, whose sterling 13-to-0 strikeout-to-walk ratio in eight Spring innings was not enough to make up for the massive number of earned runs - one - that he gave up in those appearances.

Let's talk about Alex Rios to the Giants again, shall we?
Bleacher Report ponders who got the better of last spring's non-trade of Alex Rios to the Giants, although they weigh out the relative benefits of the swap with Matt Cain as the pitcher coming back to the Jays instead of Tim Lincecum. And while we have a certain roto-league weakness for Cain, we think we can speak for the majority of the Jays' fanbase when we say "thank god that trade never happened."

And while we smugly dump on starting pitchers we don't have...
Let us ponder the fact that Ricky Romero has become the front-runner for the fourth spot in the rotation, and that Dustin McGowan's return to good health may be delayed long enough that he'll have grey in his lambchops by the time he pitches again. Crap.

It's a blogger roundtable!
Mopup Duty has a Blue Jays Bloggers Roundtable of Death, featuring the best and brightest of the northern baseball blogosphere. There are some interesting thoughts in there, and the quality of the commenting is much improved by the fact that we didn't interject our weak-ass third-person piety into the mix. At least not this time.

The Ack will return once he is done parting the waters
For those of you who missed the inimitable weekend stylings of the Ack, know that he will be back just as soon as he turns back the Red River flood waters. No, seriously: he really spent the weekend helping to sandbag and secure the safety of his neighbours, and for that, he deserves our praise and adulation.

It's funny, though, that when the Ack takes a weekend off, people get up in arms, but we could blow off an entire week and no one would care. Suffice to say, we're not walking down any stairwells in front of the Ack any time soon...we saw Showgirls, and we're not about to make the same mistake as Cristal Connors.

Friday Rock Out - The Pernice Brothers

In honour of a fine musician who has transplanted himself to Toronto, and who occasionally makes trips to the Rogers Centre to watch Roy Halladay, we offer up for your Friday afternoon enjoyment the Pernice Brothers' "Weakest Shade of Blue". Which could be an apt description of the Jays' pitching staff this season.

(Although having said that, aren't people getting a little too wound up over this whole "clocked as low as 84 MPH" thing with B.J. Ryan's fastball? He never threw much higher than high 80's or maybe low 90's, and if he's not running it up there in that range on every pitch he throws in March, should we really be agonizing about this alleged "dead arm" bullshit?)

Incidentally, it was the Pernice Brothers who composed the classic ditty inspired by a certain Mr. Ramirez, "Moonshot Manny" (Pega luna Manny!) And wouldn't it have been awesome for that song to be playing for Manny in a Jays uni this year? And just because we're a fan, we'll forgive Joe for bringing his Red Sox Nation tomfoolery to the Dome nine times a year.

Reminders of bad contracts from the past

Tim Dierkes, who is awesomely in charge of MLB Trade Rumo(u)rs, has a great recounting of the 1985 contract negotiation for Bill Caudill between the Blue Jays and a young Scott Boras, then in his nascent days as a baseball gadfly. Most definitely worth a read, especially for the younger generation who doesn't remember the times when the sainted Pat Gillick and beknighted Paul Beeston were being run out of town. (It really happened.)

And we'd criticize Boras for the skywriting self-promotion if we weren't about to pimp this post on Twitter.

Also from the "Things Could Be Worse" file
Ten years ago, the Blue Jays started the season with Willie Greene as their DH. And finished above .500. We're just sayin'.

And while we're talking rumours
Here's one we like, also from MLB Trade Rumo(u)rs: The Jays are keeping an eye on Dodgers middle infield prospect Chin-Lung Hu. Hu doesn't really have a starting gig in L.A. anymore, but could supplant Marco Scutaro or John McDonald given the chance. Also, Hu has slugged over .500 over the past few seasons in Las Vegas. Johnny Mac didn't slug .500 in Little League. Although he might now...maybe.

Price gets sent down, so what about Snider?
With the Rays sending David Price to AAA to start the season, does that provide a rationale for the Jays to do the same with Travis Snider? In a word: Nope.

Price is going to AAA to get on a regular rotation for the first few months of the season. In those first six weeks or so, the Rays would only need him to start a few times, so they'd rather get him into a rhythm to start the season.

The Jays already started Snider's clock last August - arguably too early - and though it is not too late to reel back at this point, we're not sure it makes much sense to do so.

Not to mention that Rogers is already using The Great Big Giant Pasty White Hope^TM in their Sportsnet promotions. Could they scrub him out digitally and replace him? With Kevin Millar?

A shocking admission: We heckled Roy Halladay

In a guest column written for the Ghosties, J from 3:10 to Joba equates the heresy of booing Derek Jeter to heckling Roy Halladay. Because it would take a real asshole to do something like that.

In fact, it would take an asshole like us.

It happened while Doc was in the midst of his Road to Redemption (or at least Relevance) Tour of the minor leagues when he stopped by the ballpark of a certain defunct Triple A franchise. We were in attendance, along with at least a couple of dozen other folks on this particular cold and damp weeknight. We had made a special trip to the game to catch a glimpse of the former Jays top prospect to see if he was likely to ever regain his form, or be vaguely as awesome as Kelvim Escobar. (Because what more could you have hoped for, really?)

We had a few tasty beverages in us as the game moved into the middle innings, and were generally enjoying the sound of our own voice as we expounded on the game of baseball to any poor sap caught within earshot. (This was before we had the blog as the outlet for this sort of jibber-jabber...you can take us out in public now.)

That's when the rains came. Actually, not so much rains as a small sprinkle. Which eventually turned into a vague mist.

And here's where you're going to have to suspend your disbelief and go with us, because it's where the story get weird: Doc was being really deliberate on the mound. Like sloooow. Long looks in to the catcher, and multiple meetings on the mound to go over the signs. His innings seemed to be taking forever.

And as Doc was chatting with his backstop and the rains shifted from a mist into a slight drizzle, we let our best snark fly:

"Come on Doc! I'm made of sugar here and I'm not going to make it through the rest of this inning at this rate!"

We got a few laughs and chuckles for that line, mostly from our inebriated buddy and a random SkyChiefs fan. But whatever positive reinforcement we received that night, it is not nearly enough to offset the dishonour that we've felt with each passing year.

We were "that guy". We heckled Roy Halladay.

We feel shame.

Best Regards, John Brattain

We're incredibly saddened to learn of the passing of John Brattain.

A passionate and prolific writer, John was never afraid to take an unpopular opinion and defend it with fierce intelligence and wit. Like many others have noted today, we didn't know him personally, but we felt as though we did through his writing. He will be missed.

Ricky Romero backs his way into the big leagues

It says something about the current state of the Jays rotation that Ricky Romero seems to be the only viable option for the fifth spot in the rotation when the team heads north.

Romero hasn't exactly been the picture of perfection over the Spring slate of fake games, posting a 5.73 ERA in four games, striking out 14 and walking 11. And yet, with the tenderness of Casey Janssen's repaired shoulder and Matt Clement's inability to throw strikes, the Jays are left with precious few other options. One other option might have been to bring lefty Brian Burres north, given his K/BB rate (13/2), although Burres didn't take the hill to start in any of those appearances.

With the Jays rotation likely to include three lefties (Romero, Purcey and Mills), it raises the question as to how many southpaws are too many in the pitching staff. In addition to the starters, the Jays will likely also have Brian Tallet, Jesse Carlson, Scott Downs and B.J. Ryan in the bullpen, meaning more than half of the staff will be of the right-brained variety. If nothing else, it should mean lots of hijinks in the bullpen.

Bart Given Stirs the Pot
After having given the Jays' former AGM guff for his orthography on his newly-launched Inside the Majors blog, let us take a moment to credit him for some thought provoking content posted over the past few days.

In one post, Given raises the prospect (pardon the pun) of keeping Travis Snider in AAA until at least mid-May to keep his service time under 171 days, thus preserving one extra year of arbitration rights on The Great Big Giant Pasty White Hope^TM. Given argues, quite reasonably, that Snider will be of more use to the team in 2015 than he would be in 2009.

We'd argue, however, that if Snider proves to be everything that he promises, then the team should sign him to an extended deal like the one that the Rays gave to Evan Longoria that buys out a few of those possible free agent years after 2015. It's a bit of a gamble, especially given that Snider is a few years younger and his body type seems like one that is more likely to break down over time. But it's a gamble we'd be willing to take, if only because we're way too anxious to see him producing in Toronto and staying away from the Vegas buffets.

Given also offers some fascinating insight into a managerial move made by Jim Fregosi, when he sent his preferred dirt dog Dave Hollins to the plate in the place of super-instense DH Brad Fullmer. It turns out that Fullmer pulled some sort of disappearing act in the clubhouse, necessitating the bizarre in-game maneuver.

Fregosi...Fullmer...Dave Hollins! God almighty, that seems like a lifetime ago. We're crossing our fingers and hoping for a Mickey Morandini story on the Given blog before the year is out.

First day of spring means baseball, baby

I'm going to go on record right now and say that this has been one of the worst fucking winters of my life. Top five, for sure, and that's really saying something when you live in a city where -30 degrees is commonplace and simply means you need to zip your jacket up. -40 to -50? That shit is cold, man, and only an outrageous (and potentially baldfaced) liar will tell you that you "get used to it". You don't. Things freeze. It's painful. Not cool.

But that's all over for another year, my friends. Spring is in the air. Can you feel it? Can you? I can. Weather aside, the first day of spring means we are on the verge of some real baseball. What? Canada got eliminated good and early? You're dead to me, World Baseball Classic.

Spring training isn't just for the players - it's for the fans too, if my opinion counts for anything (that's rhetorical, smart guy). I keep up a ridiculous intensity for a 162 game season, and I need a good month of idle speculation and foaming at the mouth over stud prospects to ease me into this thing.

Projected 75 to 80 win season be damned (PENNANT!), I'm getting stoked. Come on April 6th - let's go.

Speaking of foaming at the mouth over stud prospects
Brad Mills is making this team, and I think we need to check our expectations. We're talking about a 24 year old arm who has never, in "the scouts'" estimation, projected to be anything more than a back-end starter, who is on the verge of making the bigs after one and a half seasons of pro baseball.

I think, in time, Mills can exceed those expectations - he's got a pretty good arm, Cito loves his makeup, he doesn't get rattled, he's apparently a pretty intelligent dude, etc - but even if he doesn't, that's still OK, right? I mean, come the World Series Season of 2010 (leave me alone), we're looking at a rotation consisting of some combination of Halladay, McGowan, Marcum, Litsch, Cecil, and Mills, right?

And yes, I know Doc is entering that tenuous "extend or trade" portion of his contract, Marcum is coming off TJ, and McGowan's surgically repaired shoulder is already barking. I know these things, but I'm wilfully choosing to ignore them. Besides, that's what big Dave Purcey is for, right? RIGHT??

Roy Halladay throws us a bone
That was cute of Doc to pretend he was human. I'm not fooled. Come on now Roy, you don't expect us to believe that you are anything more than a robotic pitching cyborg sent from the future to destroy opposing bats, do you? Because that shit is just ridiculous.

You know, it's a good thing that Jays management will find a way to extend his contract and ensure he never wears another team's jersey, because any other scenario would just be too much to bear.

Friday Rock Out - Keith Richards and the X-Pensive Winos

Not to come off as an ingrate, but hasn't this whole spring training been going on a little too long? We get that after a long and cold winter of waiting for baseball's return, we should be happy that we're just two weeks away from the start of real baseball. But at this point, we're getting so tired of talking about disingenuous spring mancrushes, and who's going to make the team and who's not. Just get on with it already.

Random Tidbittery

-Lloyd (as always) pretty much nails it when he looks at the rather provincial response to Chipper Jones' distaste for Toronto. If he doesn't care for Toronto, then fine, but it is probably a little bit much to view Chipper's take as the character flaw of a redneck yahoo.

-Bastian notes that Travis Snider will get down on his hands and knees to receive Doc's benediction. Brett Cecil will wake up early in the morning for the same approval. We can't even tell you what we'd do.

-If you're A.J. Burnett (or a vase, or a thin pane of glass), and you're going to get hit with a line drive off the bat of a Blue Jay, you'd probably want that bat to belong to John McDonald. Because that shit will not break you.

-Former Jays AGM Bart Given's started a blog at insidethemajors.com. And though he has some problems with misplaced apostrophes, it's worth a read here and there. There's some interesting insight into the dates of note for MLB front offices, which is especially relevant at this time of year.

And with that, we leave you with Keef and his band of musical assassins singing one of our favourite Stones songs. The Ack is back for the weekend, and we walk off for the week before they make us run.