Thursday, October 1, 2009

Roy Halladay is a saint. A SAINT!

There are many lessons to be learned from last night's 12-0 thrashing of the Pawtucket Portland SeaDogs Lowell Spinners Boston Red Sox.

First and foremost, we have seen once again that Roy Halladay is a Man. A manly Man who does not cotton to the foolish games played by snivelling boys around.

Roy is generally a pacifist and a man who usually looks to create the greatest happiness for the greatest number. But if you get cavalier in throwing at one of his teammates, Roy Halladay is a Man who will risk getting tossed out of his last start of the season (?) and his last start as a Blue Jay (?) to settle things. Bottom line: Roy Halladay will plunk a punk.

And moreover, he will use his surgical precision to hit your player directly in his ostentatious elbow pad, so as not to needlessly hurt him. Because Roy is a Man who knows that HGH simply would not heal the bruises caused by a Roy Halladay fastball.

We watched the replay of Halladay sticking it into Big Papi's elbow pad about 20 times last night. It was a good thing. It brought joy.

Randy Ruiz is otherworldly
Because Cito Gaston has spent much of the season apparently trying to clean his colon with his mustache, he seems utterly oblivious to the offensive skills of Randy Ruiz. And so, Ruiz took it upon himself last night to inflict a week's worth of damage in what could be his final start as a Blue Jay.

Two homers, four runs scored and a 4-6 night. That should pretty much earn Ruiz an assload of pine for the rest of the season, because Cito is an idiot. (Christ, even Drew at Ghostrunners has started to believe!)

Randy Ruiz is hitting a homer once every 13 plate appearances. That's a 50 homer pace. But really, who needs offense?

Jo-Bau is intergalactic
Lost amongst everything last night is the fact that José Bautista hit a homer for the third straight game, and his fourth homer in five games. If the Jays don't have room for him on their bench as a supersub next year, the Red Sox should definitely jump all over him, because he is a monster in Fenway.

It's September and all, but...
Jays sweep the Red Sox. That always sounds good.

20 comments:

eyebleaf said...

Roy Halladay will plunk a punk.

That's definitely a t-shirt.

I thought I couldn't love Roy any more than I already did. Then last night happened. Fuck. He's a fucking hero is what he is. If that was his last game, it was poetically fitting.

As for Ruiz, my head hurts enough. I don't want to think about what he and Accardo did to Cito, or Cito's daughter. Fucking ridiculous.

It's October, we're finished, the BoSox are off to the playoffs, but that was THE BEST FUCKING SERIES EVER.

Stedron said...

Sorry I'm late in replying to your response from yesterday.

Palladia is a music channel. They play old concerts and music-type movies (Rattle & Hum, Tommy, The Song Remains The Same, etc.) In between shows they'll play 2 or 3 videos of stuff that's all over the map. It's amazing, and there are at least 3 dvr-worthy shows a week. Rattle & Hum was just on the other day, so I assumed you were sucked in by Bono's Bono-ness.

Plunk'd said...

Billy Wagner is a tool. A TOOL!

http://www.weei.com/sports/boston/this-just-in/214206/wagner-little-bush-league-jays-hit-ortiz

QJays said...

One part of me wonders if Halladay gave up the hit in the 6th because he didn't want people to label his first no-hitter as an "easy one", and he didn't want things to get too far. While I personally think it's safe to say that such a thing would never happen (Halladay would never "let up" on purpose), I don't want to assume that I know things as the Saint knows them.
It was, in any case, masterful.

Cito is dead to me. This is not a recent death.

brainiac said...

What a joy that game was...I hoped Roy would hit someone but to hit Ortiz in the elbow pad was beyond awesome.

Best. Jay. Ever.

Part of me want him to pitch all of next year and walk to FA just to enjoy him one more year...

The Ack said...

Add Billy Wagner to the list of people who can officially go and fuck themselves. He's always been a whiny little bitch.

Fuck you, Billy Wagner.

Ian H. said...

I was praying for a Halladay no-hitter because that would have ended the season perfectly. A shutout more than sufficed though, and it's a damn shame after those back to back shutouts that Halladay's chances of winning the Cy are almost out the window.

eyebleaf said...

I'm with The Ack: FUCK BILLY WAGNER.

@ Ian: Fuck Greinke, and the 5 starts a piece he made against Cleveland, Detroit and Chicago. Good old Zack made one start against Boston, and zero against New York. CONGRATUFUCKINGLATIONS.

Anonymous said...

Doc is awesome, I agree. I hope he got to know the Sox well this week, because next year he'll BE ONE OF THEM!! bwahahahaa

SP said...

Is Roy Halladay gonna have to "miss" a pitch?

SP said...

^Another t-shirt for you eyebleaf

Tao of Stieb said...

Billy Wagner is a goof. I hope he gives up a dinger in every postseason appearance.

Torgen said...

Nice tidbit from BBTN: The Jays are the first visiting team in Fenway history to hit 13 homers in a 3 game series.

eyebleaf said...

I'm going into the printing bidness, SP. Respect.

Darren Priest said...

Never thought I could hate a team more than I hate the Yankees, but the Sox and their Nation have made it happen.

Too bad I couldn't find someone to give that 7 7/8th fitted cap I bought in 2004 when I shamefully jumped all over the bandwagon. It's probably in a Frenchies bin somewhere -- if you're a fan and have a massive noggin.

Doc, next time, use you precision to bean Papelbon -- even if he's in the bullpen.

jroberts said...

Loved the hit by pitch. Even better was Halladay's interview after the game. "It just got away," smirked the league leader in walks per innings. "Darn."

jroberts said...

Also, the way that Halladay took Ortiz apart bit-by-bit with outside curves and on-the-black cutters was absolutely beautiful. Sure, it was basically a triple-A lineup, but Doc carved up the strikezone on Ortiz like a surgeon with a scalpel. Just a phenomenal display of pitching.

Jayszone93 said...

Get Halladay a better #2 starter (if you plan to keep him), how about this guy?? Check it out, what do you think...

http://jayszone93.wordpress.com/2009/10/02/jays-target/

Anonymous said...

halladay for god

Anonymous said...

Mutiny in the clubhouse over Cito and no new post?