Out of wilderness and into the mire

After more than a week spent deep in the wilderness, pounding away mercilessly at our liver and feeding the varying species of flying, blood-sucking insect life, we're back and ready to examine the Blue Jays' landscape.

Or maybe we're not.

When we dropped off the pavement and out of cell range last week, we had vague hopes that a good run against the AL East and the Jays would be right back in the thick of things. But as the day-old boxscores trickled in from borrowed newspapers, the news in the agate type left us with an increasingly sinking feeling that could only be assuaged with another couple of gin and tonics and some long, searching stares into the distance across the lake.

"It's aaaallll over for the Blue Jays," our father-in-law told us with a smirk more than once over the space of the week. Although to be fair, he generally says this after every April loss. It's just that it seemed to resonate a little more this week, and we had fewer rationalizations or contextualizations with which to retort.

The season obviously isn't over, with another ten weeks to go. But with the release of B.J. Ryan and the trade rumours circling around Scott Rolen and someone else who we can't bear to mention, it seems as though an era in the Blue Jays history may be coming to a close.

Call it The Age of Vague Optimism, wherein the Blue Jays made free agent splashes and re-signed key players with a view towards some convergence of fortunes that would lead to their slipping between the behemoths and into the postseason. With the slide of the 2009 team's fortunes and the ongoing decimation of their pitching staff, it seems as though the path to that increasingly remote day of glory will be taking a detour of indeterminate length and distance, with a different crew both on and off the field.

Obviously, we're not about to jump ship on our beloved team. But the next chapters might be a test to our spirit of adventure.

The inevitable Doc post...postponed
There's a post of epic length coming on the recent rumours around Roy Halladay, but we need more time with it to shake off some of the raw reaction and come up with something vaguely coherent. Stay tuned.

Thanks and praise
Again, we offer our sincere thanks to our Man in the Prairies, the Ack, for his stellar work in what was an incredibly eventful and trying week for Blue Jays fans. His piece on the possibility of Halladay being traded ranks amongst the best things to ever appear on this site, and the 65 comments it generated are a testament to his work. Good work, Ack. Now go get reacquainted with your family.

Knuckling under in Boston

God, we hate when we get all punny with our blog post titles. We would like to think that sort of lowbrow humour is beneath us, but it's just not. We are that lame.

So what did we learn in last night's 2-1 loss to the Boston Chowderheads? We learned that when a shitty shitballing shitbird throws shitty shitballs all night long, the Jays may be in for a shitty night of shitty pop ups to the infield. By the end of the game last night, we felt like it was 1987 and we were watching Frank Tanana toss junk around, frustrating us to a point that leaves emotional scars for decades afterwards.

Although to be perfectly reasonable about this, it is still May, and there's still three-quarters of the season to go.

Breakin' it down: The Dopeness
After a shakey first two frames, Brian Tallet was nails for the next four innings, locking it down and giving the Jays the chance to work their way back into the game. Tallet went six, struck out 5 and walked two, likely keeping himself in the rotation for another two starts at the very least. Welcome back to the Summer of Tallet...

We're not sure of Cito is a genius for playing Kevin Millar last night, or if Millar is a savant for putting pretty much the only good swing on a Wakefield pitch. Let's just call them both awesome and move on...

The Beej looked alright, even with seemingly diminished velocity last night. We never saw him throw anything over 88 MPH, but his location was mostly spot on, and he worked at bats well. He looks a lot more composed on the mound, and doesn't seem to be rushing his delivery, which likely makes all the difference...

Breakin' it down: The Wackness
We're not entirely sure how Alex Rios got thrown out trying to steal on a floating knuckleball that the catcher double-clutched on, but it happened. Perhaps the Blissfully Oblivious Gazelle forgot halfway between bases that there was some urgency involved with making his way to second...

We hate to dump on Adam Lind's defense, because we can see the guy is really trying to improve, but his throw way up the line to no one in particular in the second inning was quite the brain cramp. Let's hope that Cito or Brian Butterfield can work they mystical magic on him before we get to Atlanta...

It's easy to pick on Vernon Wells' and his propensity for popping out (twice last night, along with a lazy fly and reaching on an error), but the whole team seemed to want to get under Wakefield's floaters last night. Six pop ups and seven mostly lazy flyballs later, the Jays did their bit to keep the basepaths neatly manicured and the bases pristinely white.

Breakin' it down: The Media Section
Ok, first off: What the fuck was up with TSN2 using the NESN feed? All of this scrapping over carriage on the Rogers cable system, and the CTVgm folks can't even see to it that a Canadian crew is employed to broadcast the game? How was this different than Rogers just giving the free MLB Extra Innings Preview? (Our guess is that TSN2 didn't have an HD production truck at its disposal, given TSN's hockey duties, so they decided to take the easier simulcasting route. Actually, we're pretty sure that "Take the Easier Simulcasting Route" will be the title of Ivan Fecan's forthcoming autobiography...

We were actually happy to watch the NESN broadcast, which probably has the best production quality of any local MLB broadcast. However, spending close to three hours listening to Dennis Eckersley's ridiculous meanderings just about drove us batty. Really, can we have another five minute discussion of "sneaky cheese"? It made us appreciate how good Pat Tabler has become over the past decade in the Jays' booth. Too bad we can't pair Tabby with NESN's excellent playcaller Don Orsillo...

Next Up
The lanky southpaw rookie versus the tubby washed up righty: Brett Cecil (2-0, 1.80 ERA, 1.05 WHIP, 15 Ks / 4 BBs) versus Brad Penny (3-1, 6.69 ERA, 1.68 WHIP, 20 Ks, 16 BBs).

The Beej is back

So here's where it's gonna get interesting.

Since Spring Training, when B.J. Ryan spent much of his time putting radar guns to sleep with his diminished velocity, we've been pretty much examining and scrutinizing every pitch of every outing from the hulking lefty.

With his return to the big club after having nursed his "injury" back to health, we'll be given to opportunity to not only pore over all of the Pitch F/X data for Ryan in the coming weeks, but we'll also be watching for every misstep or misplaced pitch from the Beej's replacement in the closer role, Scott Downs.

(Okay, so we won't be looking at those data sets, but someone will, and we'll just repeat whatever they say as though we know what we're talking about. We call this the Tothian Method.)

While Cito is loathe to touch his batting orders (even if it meant doing something completely reasonable like hitting Aaron Hill third and Adam Lind fourth), he seems a lot more likely to yank his bullpen roles around. Should Scott Downs post a couple of weaker outings and if B.J.'s allegedly slower delivery helps him return to form, we could see the closer role changing hands multiple times throughout the rest of the season.

Look who else is back
As we were glancng through the pitching stats from the Dunedin Blue Jays to see how the Beej did in his brief stay in sunny Florida, we noticed another recognizable name amongst the D-Jays' pitching staff: Chris Michalak.

It seems like just yesterday that Michalak came out of nowhere as an aging rookie to make the Jays pitching rotation in 2001 and lead the team in wins through April.

(Hmmm. That story sounds awfully familiar.)

Our most vivd memory of Michalak was of his wicked pick off move to first base, and the game in which then-Yankees skipper Joe Torre got into the upmire's heads about his move to first. Within a month, it seemed as though the umpires were onto him, and he was called for balks in three straight starts.

By the end of the season, Michalak had been dropped from the rotation, then shipped off to Texas. And while we're not wishing a similar fate on Scott Richmond, it's worth remembering that these feel-good tales of overcoming the odds sometimes don't last much longer than the time it takes to spin them.

Four seasons in one game

Not to over-egg the pudding here, but last night's walkoff 8-7 win over the Rangers was one of the most exciting, frustrating, demoralizing, reenergizing games we've seen the Blue Jays play in a long time. So much happened in the space of last night's game that you know they couldn't fit that shit all into nine innings.

Here's our quick breakdown, broken into its component parts:

The Dopeness
-The Jays winning their third walkoff of the year before they even open the lid on the Dome.

-Rod Barajas cranking out two homers, and having one of the best freakouts on the umpire after taking a called strike three that was three inches below his knees.

-Alex Rios going four for six with two RsBI and looking infinitely better (and as Alan Ashby pointed out, much more quiet) at the plate.

-José Bautista getting four hits and scoring twice. Jo-Bau!

-Jason Frasor, continuing to be awesome with his new changeup. Chalk up two more scoreless innings for the guy who was once the forgotten man in the pen.

-Cito working his seemingly dubious magic and leaving Kevin Millar in against Kason Gabbard Darren O'Day for the winning hit.

The Wackness
-The Beej. Oh, the Beej. Four appearances, two saves, two blown. Maybe it's not time to relax about him.

-Aaron Hill's error to extend the ninth, allowing the Rangers to come back.

-Seeing Travis Snider bunt. Every time Snider squares around to bunt, a little part of us dies inside.

-The empty park, apparently abandoned by fans who had better things to do on a Wednesday night than stick around for a walkoff win.

Don't look know, but it's time to start scoreboard watching
The Jays are still on top of the AL East, but the Red Sox (seven straight wins) and the Yankees (three straight) now sit a game and a half back.

Pass on the Dutchie (and the Hedger too)

It might be a little early in the season for this rant, but we'll launch into it nevertheless.

Last night, as we settled down for our evening slumber, we flipped on the tube and headed up to the 400's on our digital dial to see if we could catch some baseball highlights. What we encountered was the following: Hockeycentral, Hockeycentral, blacked out hockey game, blacked out hockey game, Sportscentre and WWE Raw.

(Oh, and in case you were needing to find out which half of the NHL teams are going to the playoffs, you could always check in the 24-hour hockey channel, the NHL Network. But we'll come back to that point in a moment.)

Left with little other choice, we sat through a good twenty minutes of Sportscentre, or roughly just short of the amount of time that it would take for our head to explode as a result of watching TSN's signature clipdown.

Look, we get it. Canadians love hockey, and they just can't possibly get enough of it. That's fine. We can live with that. But what kills us is the way that the sports channels in Canada deal with baseball. You're lucky if you get more than a handful of games in the run of a show, and most of them are cut into 45 second packs that remove everything except for a scoring play, a strikeout and an error and give you little or no sense of what actually happened in the game.

Frankly, a meaningless scripted punch-up between two palookas who toil on the fourth lines of NHL teams gets more screen time than most ball games. And of course, we always get the full analysis of said fight from the Hedger-o-Matic Fight Highlight Script Generator:

"The two heavyweights square off...Palooka gets in a couple of solid rights before Jabroni gets back into it...We'll give the decision to Palooka, and that scrap inspires his team..."

And of course, you have to throw from this nonsense over to the panel of a half dozen hockey analysts and "insiders", who fill the air with so much blah-blah-blah, ultimately signifying nothing.

So fine. If TSN and Sportsnet and the Score and everyone else feels this is the only way that they can continue to sell putrid beer and pickup trucks to the throngs of latent homosexual hockey fans, then so be it. But how about an option for those of us who want to see some in-depth coverage of baseball? How about something for those of us who want to see what's going on around the Majors, along with some real honest to goodness analysis?

Of course, there is the promise that some time in the future, we might possibly get the MLB Network, or Rogers' Canadian version, the already licensed Baseball Channel. But given the current state of Canada's media industry and the dried up advertising resources, the chances of Rogers moving forward on a launch for their service seems remote, and unfortunately, the MLB Network won't get carried here until Rogers gives up on their license. That could literally take years.

And not that we want to be that guy who rails against the CRTC for denying us the pleasures of ESPN, but seriously, what we wouldn't give to sit down and watch Baseball Tonight. To our American readers, who are probably sick to death of listening to John Kruk's inanities on the World Wide Leader, you have no idea how much we envy you. Yours is truly a land of plenty.

Sadly, we have to come to grips with the fact that we'll have to wait until the Stanley Cup playoffs conclude sometime in mid-June before we get anything resembling actual baseball coverage in Canada. Groan.

A few quick thoughts on last night's game come-from-behind barnburner
-It's interesting to watch Scott Rolen dig in with his subtly tweaked batting stance. He looks a bit more upright in the box, and seems to be getting to the ball as quickly as ever, as evidenced by his eighth inning blast last night. Now if only we could dissuade him from the Coldplay entrance music.

-We keep waiting for Aaron Hill to show signs of...well, something less than good. Thankfully, he has looked great in the field (notwithstanding last night's botched tag play), and he's hitting the ball as hard as he did in his 47-double 2007 campaign.

-When B.J. Ryan struck out Marcus Thames in the ninth last night, Jerry Howarth made the call that he threw a "country fastball" by the Tigers' DH. We're not exactly sure what a country fastball is, but we like the sound of it. And if for the Beej, a country fastball is one that comes close to 90 MPH, then all the better.

The Beej is not a hampy camper

So B.J. Ryan is not totally thrilled with all the talk about the possibility of being supplanted in the closer role. "It's an uncomfortable question with a lot of uncomfortable answers" Ryan told the Globe's Rob MacLeod.

After another subpar outing yesterday, Ryan sports a 9.00 ERA in seven Grapefruit innings, walking seven and striking out six. His velocity, if it matters, topped out at 87 MPH yesterday.

Without papering over the concerns over Ryan's performance in the Spring, we don't mind the Jays' high-intensity closer being a bit pissed when talk arises about someone taking his job. That's the gunslinger mindset that many of the great closers have, and without getting too hokey about this, that sort of swagger counts for something.

Perhaps more troubling is the fact that Ryan isn't alone in his struggles. If there was an obvious candidate to step in and assume the closer role, we might understand the public speculation about Ryan's capacity to lock down the ninth. But a glance through at the other closer candidates shows some pretty spotty performances in the fake games:

• Scott Downs - 6.75 ERA in four innings, two walks and two K's
• Jeremy Accardo - 8.71 ERA in 10.1 innings, 18 hits, three walks and five K's
  
• Brandon League - 9.00 ERA in four innings, six hits, two walks and six K's
• Jason Frasor - 5.71 ERA in four innings, seven hits, a walk and four K's
  

Really, the only "standout" so far in the exhibition season has been Jesse Carlson, who hasn't allow a run yet, but three innings of work is a pretty microscopic sample size. We could make an argument for the recently dispatched Dirk Hayhurst, although we're not sure that he has the mythical "closer stuff" that we seem to be buying into lock, stock and barrel.

Look who snuck into the Super Duper Roundtable
Mop Up Duty has posted part two of its blogger roundtable, and we've managed to sneak in our views on the Jays' prospects for the coming year.

Friday Rock Out - The Pernice Brothers

In honour of a fine musician who has transplanted himself to Toronto, and who occasionally makes trips to the Rogers Centre to watch Roy Halladay, we offer up for your Friday afternoon enjoyment the Pernice Brothers' "Weakest Shade of Blue". Which could be an apt description of the Jays' pitching staff this season.

(Although having said that, aren't people getting a little too wound up over this whole "clocked as low as 84 MPH" thing with B.J. Ryan's fastball? He never threw much higher than high 80's or maybe low 90's, and if he's not running it up there in that range on every pitch he throws in March, should we really be agonizing about this alleged "dead arm" bullshit?)

Incidentally, it was the Pernice Brothers who composed the classic ditty inspired by a certain Mr. Ramirez, "Moonshot Manny" (Pega luna Manny!) And wouldn't it have been awesome for that song to be playing for Manny in a Jays uni this year? And just because we're a fan, we'll forgive Joe for bringing his Red Sox Nation tomfoolery to the Dome nine times a year.

Blue Jays teach school kids the meaning of "misery"

Also: "disappointment", "ineptitude" and "impotence". (Stash that last one away for a couple of decades kiddies.)

B.J. Ryan continued to hand out free trips to first base like he was Jonathan Carroll from iTravel2000.com (Call 1-866-WOW-DEAL! And get away for less!), walking Ichiro (oops) and Miguel Frickin' Cairo (double oops) in the ninth. And while it sounded as though he was being squeezed, maybe the Beej should have put on his big boy pants and stopped nibbling around the corners, looking for calls.

(Yeah, you read that right. We're down on the Beej now. Dude needs to stop arguing with umpires and start getting outs. And soon.)

Of course, all of that ninth inning drama could have been avoided if the Jays had only picked up a run in the sixth when (stop us if you've heard this one before) they left runners on the corners with one out.

One good thing about today's game: Jamie Campbell wasn't broadcasting it, so he didn't get to go apeshit crazy on the air when the Mariners went ahead in the ninth. (Although he probably did so at home in stately Ginger Manor, with all of his Richie Zisk cards displayed in front of him.)

Ladies and Gentlemen - Your 2008 Toronto Blue Jays: Crushing your spirit, shredding the crushed remains, then lighting the whole shredded heap into blazing inferno. Rinse. Repeat.

The Beej feels shame once again

Three things that absolutely killed us at about 5:04 Eastern time yesterday:

1) Knowing that with Johnny Mac (or even Scutaro) patrolling short, that the game would have been over yesterday with A-Rod's slow bouncer. Maybe Rolen was a distraction, but that was a ball that Major League short stop should get. Sorry Scrappy Doo, but you're back on the shit list.

2) Listening to Jamie Campbell absolutely lose his shit AGAIN when the other team wins in a walk off against the Jays. Do you think Hawk Harrelson would squeal like a little girl at a Jonas Brothers concert if the Yanks had beaten the White Sox? Sure, there's a balance between being a nauseating homer and an absolute objective observer, but Campbell should recognize the fact that he's conveying the games events to a few hundred thousand BLUE JAYS FANS, who aren't going to get all sopping wet about the Yankees magic and mystique, blah blah blah. It's like he felt he had to shout over top of Michael Kay in the press box.

3) Of all the Yankees to do it, why did it have to be that wretched douchebag Giambi?

As per usual, Jon Hale at the Mockingbird sums up that last pitch about as well as anyone could. It was a mistake pitch, although we wonder if the Jays shouldn't be backing off on Beej (and Jesse Carlson for that matter) just a bit. We're not sure what the speed was on that meatball, but it seemed to float in there at a snail's pace.

Gargh!

Some gems have jagged edges

Yeah, it's May, but we were perched on the edge of the chesterfield in the nervous ninth inning of tonight's 1-0 win over the ChiSox. Rocking back and forth, uttering curse words of encouragement to B.J. Ryan...you would have sworn that tonight's game meant something.

In the end, the Jays win, sweep the series, win their fifth in a row and remain undefeated in May. How's that for meaningful wins?

A few random thoughts below.

The greatest McGowan since Shane
Maybe the lambchops were holding Dustin McGowan back early in the season, because in two starts since razing them, he's been ridiculously awesome. In tonight's 7.1 innings of four-hit, six strikeout, shutout ball, McGowan looked calm and in control the whole way. He was never in trouble, but even when runners reached base, he looked cool as ice on the mound. And maybe that was all a big heap of cliché, but we felt like McGowan was fully in control the entire time, in spite of the Jays lack of run support.

Shannon Stewart does not run like a girl
Didja see Shannon Stewart beat out that throw in the eighth? Or leg out the triple in the sixth? Didja? Because if you did, could you do us a solid and shut the fuck up about Reed Johnson for at least one day? Thanks!

Things we never thought we'd say
John Gibbons managed an excellent game tonight. Seriously. The lineup made great sense, with Scrappy Doo hitting ninth, where he belongs. Moreover, Gibby smartly brought in John McDonald in the ninth (FINALLY!), even if the Prime Minister of Defense didn't need to make a play.

The Mainstream Media is awesome!
For all of the bitching and moaning that we've done week about the media, mad props go to the crew at Sportsnet for catching the ninth inning conversation between home plate umpire Ron Kulpa and White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen. The Southsiders' pitching coach Don Cooper began chirping about B.J. Ryan's delivery, calling for a balk on every pitch after Paul Konerko's walk. Kulpa eventually took off his mask, looked into the dugout and declared "He's stopping." That Sportnet not only had a mic open but also had a close up of Kulpa on the ready added immensely to the drama.

Speaking of media, welcome to a whole new era
The Drunk Jays Fans are on the air, in podcast form. Their inaugural episode was recorded this weekend, and is sitting on the Score's website for your listening pleasure. The first week's guests included JaysTalk's Mike Wilner, former in-game hostess Jill Clark (mrroawr!) and a certain Blue Jays blogger, who liked to use the words "ummm" and "y'know" a lot, and stopped in mid-sentence to sigh a lot. Not that we're obsessing.

Don't look a gift win in the mouth

It's not to say that the Royals just rolled over and let the Jays rub their belly today in today's 5-2 getaway day win. But it didn't hurt to watch them play a little Alphonse and Gaston out in center field in the 9th, allowing the Jays to get their only "hit" with runners in scoring position today (in seven at bats.)

Jesse's got himself a win: After being placed on the jet train back to Syracuse by various and sundry psuedo-prescient pontificators, Jesse Litsch finally put together a pink/round/efficient outing by going seven innings, striking out four and giving up the two earned runs on five hits. And the bill on his cap was flat enough that he looked about 36% goofier today , if that is even possible.

Lineup Madness!! We came at John Gibbons with knives out last year for his constant lineup shenanigans. But today's rejigging of the batting order (necessitated by the day off given the Scrappy-Doo the Short Stop) worked out mostly for the better. We would prefer to see Alex Rios hitting third as opposed to leading off, but it's a bit hard to argue with the results. Also, dropping Vernon Wells down in the lineup is a good start, especially considering that he has a grand total of one extra base hit since April 12.

Scott Rolen is the Greatest Blue Jay of All Time: Maybe we're getting ahead of ourselves, but we find something appealing about Rolen's homer, two doubles and four RsBI in three games.

A lefty is a lefty is a lefty: We were a little surprised to hear Mike Wilner stressing on JaysTalk about the decision to bring B.J. Ryan into the game in the eighth. We figured Wilner wouldn't have been as strident about using the closer only for the ninth, and given the amount of rest that the Beej has had (due mostly to the Jays' stupendously sucktastic week), it made sense to get him in the game at that point. If the Jays wait an inning and the Royals suddenly start cracking on the bullpen like George Brett and Frank White, B.J.'s first action might have been pushed back to Tuesday against the Red Sox. As an added bonus, Jesse Carlson, our new favorite Jay, got his first career save.

Next up: The BoSox, who just got swept by the Tampa Rays. Just so you know that we're in good company.

Nothing but blue skies

It's ridiculously frigging beautiful out this weekend. The dome is open, and we've got our first sunburn of the season. And we're a bit hammered.

Hope everyone enjoyed B.J. Ryan's excellent outing this afternoon, and hope you're all drinking on a patio at some point this weekend.

Incidentally, seeing Beej striking out elite hitters without all of his velocity back was incredibly heartening to us. We're not sure that he's all the way back, but he's looking good in these initial outings.

Summer's coming. Fuck yeah!

Welcome back, Beej!

He gave up a triple to the first batter he faced, and he never looked particularly overpowering, but who gives a flippin' fadoo when B.J. Ryan comes back and nails down the save in a 5-4 extra inning win to seal a series sweep against the Rangers.

It might not mean much, but the looks of excitement on the faces of the Jays as they shook hands after the game was pretty priceless. We saw Roy Halladay crack a smile for the second time in as many days...which is a little creepy, but seems like a good thing.

Also of note: Joe Inglett suddenly turned into Mike Schmidt. How'd that happen?

Friday Morning Briefs

Out amongst the walking wounded: We spent most of the off-season lighting candles and tossing pennies in fountains, praying and wishing for good health for the 2008 Blue Jays. Fat lot of good that did. The word (via Blair at the Globe) is that Scott Rolen and his busted digit are optimistically gone for five weeks. Add to that Matt Stairs' old man hip troubles and the extra time that it will take for B.J. Ryan to right himself, and 2008 is starting to look a lot like 2007's Bhutan Bataan DL March.

Beej to return deep in the heart of Texas: Maybe. There's some brave talk from pitching coach Brad Arnsberg (to MLBastian) that Ryan could be back in time for the April 11-13 series versus the Texas Rangers. Seeing as how Ryan had his surgery last May, we'd be inclined to stick with Accardo and the rest of the bullpen for at least a few more weeks, if only to assuage our fears that the Jays are tempting fate by sending him out for real game action within 12 months of his Tommy John procedure. (And 12 months is an arbitrary number, but we find comfort in the most arbitrary things.)

Gimme some Skin: After getting the call back to the big club, Buck "Skin" Coats homered, made an outstanding catch over the wall in center, fed a puppy, gave CPR to an ailing high-waisted snowbird, and whipped up a healthy and delicious soufflé in the Jays final fake game in Florida. Actually, we just read the boxscore, so the only thing we can confirm for certain in the list above is the homer. We just imagine that Buck "Skin" Coats can do whatever he wants. (And a hat tip to Will who came up with the nickname in yesterday's comments. We're now going to beat it into the ground.)

The Drunk Jays Fans are on the air: As if we weren't already jealous enough of the Drunk Jays Fans' site traffic and the vast number of comments they receive on even the most perfunctory posts, now comes the news that they'll be on Sun TV's The Grill Room with poncey fruit tart Gareth Wheeler on Wednesday, April 2. Moreover, the boys were approached by Sony to hand out swag (MLB 08 The Show for PS3) as part of their Opening Day Live Blog. We're happy for the DJF's success (better them than that dull old thing that rhymes with Matter's Mox)...but we've got to stop comparing ourselves to them before our self-esteem goes totally in the toilet.

Buck Coats makes the grade

(You see what we did there? Because those are buckskin coats...never mind.)

There's joy in Snowville, as the mighty Buck Coats has received the call to go north with the Blue Jays to start the season. Coats has been a favorite of the blog ever since the Jays acquired him and his awesomely porntastic name in the offseason. It remains to be seen if he sticks with the team, or if he is this year's Jason Smith/Simon Pond/Gabe Gross.

One more thing to love about Buck Coats: He is listed as an OF-IF. Dude can do anything. If he straps on the catching gear this spring, we might just lose our mind.

Also getting the call is Randy David Wells, who fulfills the team's ongoing need for two Wells on the roster.

We should probably temper our enthusiasm with the knowledge that neither of these guys sticks if the Beej and number Firty-Free are around to start the season.

Fake games don't mean shit, but...
Jesse Litsch pinkly/roundly/efficiently threw seven strong against a major league lineup, and Frank Thomas hit a moonshot to center in yesterday's 6-3 win over the Reds.

Real games start for the Jays on Monday. And not a moment too soon.

Tuesday Morning Briefs

Don't panic. All is well: A.J. Burnett's fingernail remains an issue. B.J. Ryan is sore in a way he never knew it was possible to be sore. But seriously, just relax. It's all going to be fine.

It doesn't matter how many shades of lipstick you try out on that pig: There are currently three versions of the exact same Sporting News article by Gerry Fraley currently floating around the series of tubes. Only the headlines have changed. One calls the Jays "Consistent", one calls them "Persistent", and one calls them "Obsessive". All of them are kinda lame.

Speaking of lame: The Jays had that nice green St. Pat's Day jersey that we mentioned yesterday, but didn't wear it. Instead, they deferred to the Pittsburgh Pirates, who wore their regular fake game jerseys and lame adjustable green caps that they apparently picked up at a Chevron station on the way to the park.

The Jays collect minor league lefties like our grandma collects Franklin Mint Elvis plates: Welcome, Bill Murphy. We loved you in Stripes.

When Blairsy's happy, we're happy: In spite of the smell of buring oranges, locked bathrooms, crashing internets and crapped out Blackberries, Jeff Blair still looked on the bright side of life yesterday when looking ahead to Brett Cecil's inning of work to come on Thursday versus Yankees.

Do you have something to share with the rest of us, Jay Stenhouse? Mike Wilner, who's got a spiffier Fan 590 site on which to post his always salient thoughts, mentions that the Jays' VP of Comms was asking reporters if they were going to be around today on the Jays' off day. Wilner speculated that maybe there would be an announcement of some consequence (Extensions for Rios or Hill?), but knowing communications types like we do, our suspicion is that Stenhouse was just gauging how messed he could get on green beer. (But if there is anything to announce, Jay, feel free to pass it along.)

The Beej is back...as a starter!

Okay, maybe we're overselling the story, but B.J. Ryan did take the mound to start this afternoon's game versus the not-so-Devilish Rays. The Beej struck out two of the three batters he faced in a 1-2-3 first inning. Fuckin' sweet.

Lil' Litschy didn't fare quite as well when he took the ball, giving up two walks and two runs in his first inning of work.

Somewhere, Jeff Weaver is sitting by his phone, practicing answering calls in a cool, nonchalant manner.

Roy versus Roy

It's a great fake game matchup this afternoon, as Roy "Intensity in Ten Cities" Halladay takes on the Astros' Roy "I Coulda Sworn You Were Taller" Oswalt.

Sadly, with Cathal Kelly and Robert McLeod having escaped the Redneck Riviera in favour of shoveling their walkways in snowpacked T.O., we're left with perilously little livebloggage.

But wait! Wilner's there, and he's taken it upon himself to handle all of your liveblog needs! Albeit late. He blames Bastian and traffic. A likely excuse.

We note that Wilner has taken to referring to the Spring Training games as "fake games" as well. We got ourselves a meme started here! It's funny to see Wilner have to split hairs with the Jays-Yanks game tomorrow being the "real fake game", as opposed to the simulated games (presumably the "really fake fake games") that Dusty, Beej and Janssen will pitch tomorrow.

Early on, our Roy got tagged for a solo shot by Lance Berkman, while their Roy gave up an RBI double to Hector Luna. (Is he still around?)

Update, 3:30 pm: It's another fake loss, 4-3, with Brandon League taking the loss. (We await the Drunk Jays Fans post game interview with their favorite surfer boy.)

The Jays' pitchers (according to Wilner) were betrayed by faulty infield defense. Whatever people are claiming about Doc getting his personal SS in the regular season, we can't imagine that he'll be pitching in front of an infield of Luna, Scutaro, Adams and Thigpen very often this year. And thank the baby Jeebus for that.

The Beej is ready

Globe on Baseball kid brother Robert MacLeod reports that B.J. Ryan thinks he's ready to go when the season starts.

Somebody please tell the Beej to take his time coming back. He can sit in the bullpen, and control the clubhouse stereo and everything. Just don't go wrecking that newly refurbished tendon before you even get the chance to use it.

Take your time! Relax! Make a few more of those "This thing got a Hemi?" commercials. Let Jeremy Accardo carry the load for a few weeks. The season isn't won or lost in the first few weeks of the season.

Unless it is. In which case, have at it.

A tale of two B.J.'s

B.J., the Birdie: Not to take all of the credit, but thanks in large part to our extensive campaign last week, B.J. Birdie lives on in the Home Run Derby Mascot Brackets. No word on who's next, but we've now set out sights on a Final Four spot. Also, note that this week's bracket features Youppi! versus some stupid White Sox tandem, and Youppi!'s getting killed. Click here to go vote for Youppi! (We can't help it...typing the word Youppi! makes us happy.)

B.J., the Closer: B.J. Ryan is in Toronto, and throwing from 40 feet. Which is, just for reference sake, about twice the distance at which you'd trust Russ Adams to throw with any accuracy.