Roy Halladay must really suck

After all, he's now TWO GAMES BELOW .500! He must not have enough scrappy grit.

The object of our consternation

Regardless of who the Jays add in any given off season, or who comes through the system, or whatever complementary parts they add to beef up their line up, no one will receive the day-to-day scrutiny that Vernon Wells does.

Nor should they.

The Globe's snappy Jeff Blair has a bit of a think piece on V-Dub this morning, calling on the centerfielder to step up and assume the role of the franchise's cornerstone by taking a leadership role in the team that is too easily handed off to players who drift in and out of the Jays' clubhouse (like new acquisition Scott Rolen). (The Drunks beg to differ, mostly.)

We don't want to engage in the pseudo-proletarian debate about how the size and legnth of Vernon's monster contract should dictate his performance. The truth is that it's not really about the money.

But the team has bent over backwards in recent years to make Wells the franchise's centerpiece, even when his performance hasn't dictated that he deserved that role. For instance, Wells has spent much of the last three years hitting third, even though he would probably serve the team better hitting lower in the lineup. Wells is more of a fastball hitter and a free swinger, attributes that would be better suited to a spot in the lineup where he could hit with runners on base.

For his career, Wells hits vastly better in the five and six hole (.877 and .894 OPS respectively) than he does in the three spot (.823).

If this team is going to go anhywhere, Vernon and his healthy labrum are going to have to produce, and management needs to have the courage to use him in a manner that best fits the team's needs.

Here we go again with the injuries

Blairsy drops the news on the GlobeBallBlog that Scott Downs' shoulder is feeling a bit ouchy, (possibly from all that finger penmanship on the back of the mound?) and cryptically notes that the situation "bears monitoring".

Cripes.

Don't look a gift win in the mouth

It's not to say that the Royals just rolled over and let the Jays rub their belly today in today's 5-2 getaway day win. But it didn't hurt to watch them play a little Alphonse and Gaston out in center field in the 9th, allowing the Jays to get their only "hit" with runners in scoring position today (in seven at bats.)

Jesse's got himself a win: After being placed on the jet train back to Syracuse by various and sundry psuedo-prescient pontificators, Jesse Litsch finally put together a pink/round/efficient outing by going seven innings, striking out four and giving up the two earned runs on five hits. And the bill on his cap was flat enough that he looked about 36% goofier today , if that is even possible.

Lineup Madness!! We came at John Gibbons with knives out last year for his constant lineup shenanigans. But today's rejigging of the batting order (necessitated by the day off given the Scrappy-Doo the Short Stop) worked out mostly for the better. We would prefer to see Alex Rios hitting third as opposed to leading off, but it's a bit hard to argue with the results. Also, dropping Vernon Wells down in the lineup is a good start, especially considering that he has a grand total of one extra base hit since April 12.

Scott Rolen is the Greatest Blue Jay of All Time: Maybe we're getting ahead of ourselves, but we find something appealing about Rolen's homer, two doubles and four RsBI in three games.

A lefty is a lefty is a lefty: We were a little surprised to hear Mike Wilner stressing on JaysTalk about the decision to bring B.J. Ryan into the game in the eighth. We figured Wilner wouldn't have been as strident about using the closer only for the ninth, and given the amount of rest that the Beej has had (due mostly to the Jays' stupendously sucktastic week), it made sense to get him in the game at that point. If the Jays wait an inning and the Royals suddenly start cracking on the bullpen like George Brett and Frank White, B.J.'s first action might have been pushed back to Tuesday against the Red Sox. As an added bonus, Jesse Carlson, our new favorite Jay, got his first career save.

Next up: The BoSox, who just got swept by the Tampa Rays. Just so you know that we're in good company.

Scott Rolen is Third Base Jesus

He turns water into VitaminWater.

He turns runners in scoring position into runs scored.

He turns spiraling last place teams into contenders.

The Blue Jays' saviour hath come at last. He is the way and the light.

(For our sakes, he godamned well better be.)

Speaking of Geezus: Ever notice how much Blairsy likes to use the word "Geezus". On the radio and on the blog. All the time. Geezus Geezus Geezus. It's actually kinda fun to hear, because he usually pulls it out at the height of exasperation, and puts a lot of energy into it. And when you watch PTS on TV, you get the added dimension of seeing the simultaneous cringe, sneer, shoulder shrug and head tilt that make the whole thing a bit of a performance piece. Watching Blairsy exclaim "Geezus" is like watching John Olerud swing a bat.

Jays Shit The Bed In Orlando

Things aren't getting any better for John Gibbons' crew. Bringing Scott Rolen and Adam Lind will help, but we still feel like there is a lack of cohesion on the team that results in uneven efforts every single night. The blood is in the water.

Why is this man smiling?

a) Because his sudden expulsion from the Blue Jays saved him the trouble of going to Orlando.

b) Because he watched his old team suck bag and lick arse in said three-game series in Orlando.

c) Because he went from being dropped by a last place team to being picked up by a first place team.

d) Because in his new home, he can go 0-3 and people will still love him. (Well, for a few more weeks, anyways.)

Here's a challenge for the logicians

So we're catching up on our podcasts today, listening to McCown and Brunt talk to Dan Shulman on PTS, which we figure should be gold. But then the conversation turns towards Reed Johnson, and the everlasting mancrush that all three gentlemen have for him.

That's when it got strange. Shulman said the following in comparing Reed Johnson to his putative replacement Shannon Stewart:

"Shannon Stewart doesn't have the intangibles that Reed Johnson does."

We had to stop the podcast, sit down on a rock like Rodin's Thinker and figure this one out for ourselves.

If intangibles are things that you can't quantify or measure, then how can we judge whether or not if one person has more immeasurable qualities than another? How can we assess the relative value on things which have no palpable value?

Maybe Shulman (along with the two ditto heads in the Fan 590 booth) should have dropped the voice authority and pseudo-expertise and just said flat out "I like Reed Johnson better." Because how ever much you want to pretty it up with false analysis, that's exactly what he was saying.

And really, there's really no shame in that. Except for the fact that Reed Johnson runs like a girl.

What's that awful taste in our mouth

Is it the two days worth of retching until we blew out the capillaries around our eyes, or is it the fact that we just watched the Jays, with last night's 5-3 loss to the Disney World Rays, slip into last place in the AL East.

We're leaning towards the latter.

A few thoughts on the past couple of nights.

How many catchers can you fit into one lineup? Apparently, at least three. With Zaunie handling the actual catching duties, Rod Barajas taking over for an ailing Lyle Overbay at first, and rookie Robinson Diaz DHing, the Jays packed the lineup with backstops last night. Being the negative Nellies that we are, we immediately started contemplating what would happen if Gorman Thomas came crashing into Zaun, and the Jays were forced to re-jig the lineup on the go. Thankfully, all three of them made it through the game healthy, although their performance (0-11, topped off by a Diaz flailing at a Troy Percival breaking ball for strike three in the ninth) left something to be desired.

At least were not along in our misery: Apparently, we're not the only ones who are miserably sick. There is some sort of flu-like thing going through the Jays' clubhouse, which felled Alex Rios last night. Not that we're looking to make excuses for the team, but if they had anything close to what we had, then we get why they've looked listlessly awful over the past week, losing six of their last eight.

Who needs a bullpen? It took Roy Halladay 107 pitches to get through last night's game for his second straight complete game loss. The question for us is: Are the Jays running the risk of burning him out this early in the season? Doc looked fine at that point, and his greatest strength is his efficiency, so surely there's nothing to worry about. Right?

Matt Stairs is awesome: Boo yah!

As we lay dying

We've been struck by some industrial-strength stomach virus, and without going into details...yuck. All the ginger ale and Pepto in the world isn't a match for this particularly nasty creature.

And as if that wasn't enough, seeing Eric Hinske tee off last night (on a lefty, no less) probably chipped away significantly at our gag threshold.

Also, Jesse Litsch kinda sucked last night, no?

Irresponsible speculation: Carlos Delgado edition

The New York Post wonders about the possibility that the Mets might follow the Jays' lead and cut ties with their slumping first baseman Carlos Delgado.
Which raises the question for us: IF the Mets tie the can to Delgado, would King Carlos consider a return to Toronto? And more to the point, would the Jays' front office want him?

Delgado has been in decline for a couple of seasons, although if you were the sort of person who cherrypicked the stats you wanted to make your point, you could show that Delgado was as effective as Matt Stairs versus righties in 2007.

Delgado vs RHP: 367 ABs, 20 HRs, 57 RsBI, .818 OPS.
Stairs vs RHP: 312 ABs, 21 HRs, 53 RsBI, er, um....931 OPS.

Okay...maybe not quite as effective. But vaguely comparable. Almost.

Speaking of faint praise, the Mets hitting coach Howard Johnson told the New York Times that Delgado's 2008 performance is "not as bad as it looks."

We'd usually dump on anyone who came up with this sort of fanciful BS notion of returning a player to the team for completely sentimental reasons. But there's something about the idea of seeing Delgado back in Toronto that melts away all of our reason and good sense.

We're goin' to Disney World

Well, not us personally, but the Jays, for a three game set against the Tampa Rays. (If they've dropped the "Devil", surely they can drop the "Bay".)

Rays blog DRays Bay has a Q and A with the Drunk Jays fans, who are still recovering from watching a bunch of hillbillies in tights tussle with one another in Montreal. And for clarification's sake, we should note that it was Saturday night's ultraviolence in which the DJF partook, not last night's tomfoolery. (Olé olé olé indeed.)

Professor Griff knows (J.P.'s signings are toast!)

We've done our best to avoid any discussions of Richard Griffin lately. Really, who needs that level of aggravation?

But Griff's assessment of Frank Thomas as the team's worst ever free agent pick up seems a bit daft to us. Thomas wasn't great last year, but he was certainly good enough that he shouldn't rate as the worst when compared to Erik Hanson's execrable three-year tour.

Plus, Griff's supposedly authoritative top five list of the worst pick ups seems to skew a bit too much towards the J.P. era. Really: Is it fair to call Dougie Burnett a monumentally bad signing?

What about Mike Stanley? Dick Schofield? Ken Dayley? Frank Viola? Danny Darwin? Lance Parrish? Mike Flanagan? Benito Santiago? Doug Bair? Darnell Coles? Mike Huff? Ozzie Virgil? Juan Samuel? Are you trying to tell us that A.J., er, Dougie, and Frank were worse signings than those?

Hell, we could even make a case that A.J., er, Gord Burnett was a better signing than Dave Stewart over the course of his contract.

We know that those signings don't necessarily fit Griff's ongoing narrative ("J.P. is the Devil! Ruining baseball in Toronto! Nor respect for the good guys! Je me souviens des Expos! Vas-y Youppi!") But this article seems to be a pretty opportunistic hatchet job on a move that was really for the best.

UPDATE: Griff's decided to open up the mail bag two days early, because there were so many reactionary douchebags - you know, Griff's peeps - who wanted to pass judgement on this move immediately.

(*Editors note: We accidentally published an early version of this post with all sorts of grammatical errors and nonsense, and have been scrambling to fix it. So if you read this once and it didn't make any sense, or if there were more fautes d'orthographe than usual, we hope we've been able to fix it to your liking. We sincerely regret the error.)

Hurts to say goodbye

With the benefit of a little time and a little sleep, we're starting to wrap our head around the sudden release of Frank Thomas.

Whatever happens this year or even next, this transaction is going to be a topic of discussion any time the Jays start to struggle, much in the same way that the Shea Hillenbrand, Ted Lilly and Reed Johnson blowouts keep coming out amongst post-game show callers.

When things are going well, it will be forgotten that the Jays managed to rid themselves of what had become a black hole in their lineup. When they lose, the state of the franchise will be called into question, J.P. will be labeled a blundering caustic fool, and Pat Gillick's name will be brought up with reverence.

The hard truth about this is that the signing of Thomas was a reach from the get-go, and to say he has been terrible since March this year would be an understatement. Thomas was growling and grunting at umpires for calling the outside strike on him, but in truth, he wasn't able to get to those pitches anyways.

Moreover, he was able to do anything with pitches inside, so he had become a one-dimensional slugging machine who wasn't able to hit much other than mistake pitches over the heart of the plate. All three of his homers and all 11 of his RsBI came off relievers, and marginal relievers at that. The Jays couldn't continue to pencil his name into the lineup (in the five slot or the eight spot or whatever) if he wasn't going to be able to produce in his first two or three at bats in any given game.

Maybe Thomas catches on somewhere, and maybe he pulls his stuff together. But as an asset that was producing diminishing returns, the Jays made the right call to move on now.

Parting is such sweet sorrow

The best part about the Jays releasing Frank Thomas is that it should put an end to the chants of "Frank the Tank" at the Rogers SkyDome. Because that had gotten more than a little tiresome.

While we think it is possible that there was still a little fight left in the Big Hurt, chances are that he wouldn't have reached either the 26 homer or 96 RsBI plateaus from last year. The Jays were facing a situation where they either cut bait soon, or ended up stuck with a seriously diminished asset. With the depth that was assembled in the off season, and Adam Lind on the outside looking in, they made the proper decision.