You see how happy those guys are, right there? That's how pissed we are. Tired, grumpy, and frankly, just a bit stabby.
We're sure that someone might want to go back through our Twitter feed, and assess some blame to us for attempting to cash out at 2 am last night when the Jays had a 7-1 lead. Yes, it did occur to us that we might be tempting fate by walking away from a game still in progress, but we're not so silly as to assume that our decision to head towards Sleepytown was in way really responsible for the shit-tastic bed-shitting that ensued.
And OH! What a spectacular evacuation from the the pitching staff!
On a night when the men who swing clubs hang seven runs on Felix Fucking Hernandez, King of the Two-Seamer, Archduke of the Sinker and Commander-in-Chief of the 90 MPH changeup, you'd expect your pitchers just to go out and throw strikes. It's not much more complicated than that.
This is the Mariners, and this is Seattle, and this is Safeco Field. You could put the ball on a tee for last night's opposition, and they probably don't score eight runs in the final three innings. And yet, somehow, the Jays' pitching staff looked utterly Canadian in their unwillingness to impose their presence on the strike zone. ("Oh, excuse me. Sorry. Pardon me. I'll just leave this pitch down in the dirt. Oh no really. I insist.")
And don't go stroking anybody's ginger beard after his performance last night. Sure, Jesse Litsch pitched in and out of trouble for several innings, and performed some escape routines that would make Houdini envious. There were no runs on his ledger, but he also only got 15 outs for his team, and left 12 for his partners in the bullpen. That's not a good start. That's not, as one departed soul used to say, pitching like a man.
And here's a funny thing: Carlos Villaneuva, who gave up the first run of the game, pitched like an hombre. Yes, Milton Bradley got ahold of one of his pitches - a good pitch in a good location - but he also exited the game quickly, and when things got dicey after a walk to Justin Smoak, he nutted up and threw some goddamned strikes.
(And yes, the strike zone last night was tight. Look at the pitch charts on Brooks Baseball, and you'll find more than a handful of balls that were either inside the zone or just on the cusp that went for balls. If it's a Sunday afternoon, the Jays might walk away with a 7-1 win, and David Purcey walks away with strikouts and a hold. But that only underlines the fact that you can't try to counteract bad calls on the margins of the strikezone with more nibbling around the plate.)
We were about to close this off with a clichéed "today is a new day." Except that it just occurred to us that yesterday happened today. Which only serves to make us feel angry and sleepy at the same time. Let's hope the Jays can cap off a terrible Tuesday on a much better note.