You know that the free agent pickings are slim when you spend at least a half hour trying to talk yourself out of your inexplicable interest in seeing Felipe Lopez return to the Blue Jays.
Mind you, he did post a very respectable .810 OPS last year, along with a 4.6 WAR in his time split between the Diamondbacks and Brewers. And he strikes out about half as often as he used to when he first made it to the big leagues.
What are we saying? Where the hell would he play?
Well, he has put up a career UZR/150 of 6.0 at third base, even if he hasn't ever played there with any regularity.
Really aren't there any options that are more compelling than Felipe frick'n Lopez?
Well, there's Melvin Mora.
What's wrong with you? Are you drinking again?
Next, you're going to sing the praises of some "innings-eater" who can't strike guys out...
You mean like "Jonny Sinkers" Garland?
...or some rusted out shitbox arm-injury-waiting-to-happen...
Hey! Erik Bedard is a good Canadian boy!
...or call for the return of Orlando Hudson so that we can move everyone out of their positions.
What can I say? The O-Dog does make a pretty tasty combo. I'm a sucker for nitrates!
This is embarassing. You should be ashamed of your interest in these marginal non-entities.
Sorry, I missed that last part. I was looking up Ryan Garko's career lines. .899 postseason OPS! Clutch!!!1
You're not even trying to maintain any semblance of dignity, are you.
Chad Tracy! He's awesome in MLB 2K! (After I fart around with his attributes...but still!) And he's a ginger! We need a ginger quorum!
People, look away, please. We implore you.
Noah Lowry, FTW!!!