Wednesday, October 22, 2008

A (somewhat fictionalized) transcript of Bob McCown's recent discussion on the Jays' president and CEO position

McCown: Grumble grumble grumble grumble Stan Kasten grumble Stan Kasten grumble grumble grumble Stan Kasten? Stan Kasten blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah Stan Kasten! Grumble grumble grumble blah blah blah Stan Kasten, Stan Kasten grumble grumble grumble grumble grumble grumble blah blah blah Stan Kasten; Stan Kasten Stan Kasten Stan Kasten; Stan Kasten Stan Kasten Stan Kasten Stan Kasten, my friend Stan Kasten.

Jim Kelley: Ahrbshholuuuutely, Bob!

McCown: Stan Kasten Stan Kasten Stan Kasten Stan Kasten? Stan Kasten Stan Kasten Stan Kasten Stan Kasten! Stan Kasten Stan Kasten Stan Kasten Stan Kasten Stan Kasten Stan Kasten Stan Kasten Stan Kasten, flying faddoo Stan Kasten Stan Kasten Stan Kasten Stan Kasten.

Jim Kelley: You know in Burffalloo whhhere III aaam frrom...

McCown: STAN KASTEN!

Jim Kelley: AAArgh...I haahte paaaaying taxes in Caaanadaaa.

McCown: STAN KASTEN! STAN KASTEN! STAN KASTEN! STAN KASTEN! STAN KASTEN! STAN KASTEN! STAN KASTEN! STAN KASTEN! STAN KASTEN! STAN KASTEN! STAN KASTEN! STAN KASTEN! STAN KASTEN! STAN KASTEN! STAN KASTEN! STAN KASTEN! STAN KASTEN! STAN KASTEN! STAN KASTEN! STAN KASTEN! STAN KASTEN! STAN KASTEN! STAN KASTEN! STAN KASTEN! STAN KASTEN! STAN KASTEN! STAN KASTEN! STAN KASTEN! STAN KASTEN! STAN KASTEN! STAN KASTEN! STAN KASTEN! STAN KASTEN! STAN KASTEN! STAN KASTEN! STAN KASTEN! STAN KASTEN!

Stephen Brunt: Fuck it. I'm taking the rest of the year off. If you need me, I'll be smoking fish in western Newfoundland.

McCown: STAN KASTEN! STAN KASTEN! STAN KASTEN! STAN KASTEN! STAN KASTEN! STAN KASTEN! STAN KASTEN! STAN KASTEN! STAN KASTEN! STAN KASTEN! STAN KASTEN! STAN KASTEN! STAN KASTEN! STAN KASTEN! STAN KASTEN! STAN KASTEN! STAN KASTEN! STAN KASTEN! STAN KASTEN! STAN KASTEN! STAN KASTEN! STAN KASTEN! STAN KASTEN! STAN KASTEN! STAN KASTEN! STAN KASTEN! STAN KASTEN! STAN KASTEN! STAN KASTEN! STAN KASTEN! STAN KASTEN! STAN KASTEN! STAN KASTEN! STAN KASTEN! STAN KASTEN! STAN KASTEN! STAN KASTEN!

21 comments:

Ian H. said...

I'm fairly sure that's actually about 99.9 percent accurate!

Tao of Stieb said...

It was burned into our memory.

eyebleaf said...

Gold, Tao, gold.

Lloyd the Barber said...

Without Brunt PTS is nothing

Darren Priest said...

Off topic, but this is sort of interesting.

Tao of Stieb said...

When Brunt's not around, PTS is just a couple of old limp cranks bitchin' and moanin' and caterwaulin'.

Ian H. said...

I'm surprised you guys actually found a picture of Bobcat without his sunglasses on.

Badin said...

Brunt should have quit the minute he found out that Bobcat was lobbying for Glass Tiger to perform in each of his friends' backyard.

Tao of Stieb said...

Actually, we suspect that Brunt relishes sitting across the table from Bob, even if only for the entertainment value of watching McCown work himself into a lather over nothing at all.

Anonymous said...

Kasten? The next GM will be a Kasten type blowing up the team and going cheap and young no doubt. Doc will want out and why even bother pretending that the team can compete even now?

Tao of Stieb said...

Hey, anonymous knob-gobbler!

Why do knob gobblers like you always assume that Halladay wants out?

Oh that's right. It's because you are knob gobblers.

Anonymous said...

Let's see you are one of the premiere pitchers in the league and have never made the playoffs and it doesn't look likely that you will with this team AND you will get more money than Santana on the open market.....yeah, i would want to stay...not. Stop drinking KOOL-Aid Tao he's leaving after this year. Halladay seemed really frustrated at the break at how the Rays actually were getting to the Yanks and Red Sox.


And look at the lowly Rays, they are in the World Series. And before you throw that first draft bullshit at me let me say one retort that blows all of you assholes that use that response: The Pirates. They sucked for years and haven't turned these high draft picks into jack shit.

Darren Priest said...

Well, at least the Drunks are discussing that link I posted. (No, I don't think they got a hot tip from me.)

By the way, according to Forbes, Ted Rogers' pockets are deeper than both the Steinbrenners and Fred Wilpon. In fact, his are deeper than both of them combined! Whether he would want to potentially lose money on his baseball club is another matter.

Lloyd the Barber said...

I love the use of "...not." and referencing without knowing the origins of "the Kool-aid." Really strengthens the argument.

If Roy Halladay asks to be traded, none of us will ever know about it. It would be handled very quietly and pinned on management.

The Ack said...

I just fucking love how everyone is writing off the Jays already. Love it. I guess they have no good young players emerging and locked up for the next handful of seasons. I guess none of the injured starting pitchers will ever return. I guess no other team can possibly take a step back, or suffer injuries of their own. JFC.

@ Priesty...yeah....I was trying to imply deep pockets.... but short arms.

@ Lloyd....too fucking true (on the Halladay thing), and funny (on the Kool-Aid thing).

Torgen said...

@5:35PM anonymous: Didn't Pittsburgh used to use their number 1 draft picks to sign non-number-1 talents to avoid paying huge signing bonuses? Their $6MM on Alvarez this year was a break with tradition. The Rays have always paid for the talent they 'earned' the chance to draft.

Tao of Stieb said...

There's something great for some small minds about being able to assert that Roy Halladay is leaving the team, absolutely-no-doubt-about-it-'cause-Bob-Elliot-said-he-was-frustrateed-at-the-All-Star-Game.

What the anonymous knob-gobbler is doing is setting himself up to say: "I told you so...you guys are so stupid and gullible and such a bunch of sheep."

And if Halladay doesn't bail, then they'll be off on one of their other dozen hobby horses (Russ Adams, Ricky Romero, Frank Thomas, Reed Johnson, and on and on...)

Anyways: congratulations in advance, anonymous knob-gobbler. We're sure that something bad is going to happen to the Jays at some point in the next few seasons, and you'll be able to gloat about your clearly superior knowledge.

And by the way: sarcasm should never be mistaken for wit, nor should cynicism be mistaken for wisdom.

(And fuck you with your fucking Kool-Aid cliché. Lame.)

Anonymous said...

BTW the Kool Aid wasn't a cliche', it was bloody true! Lloyd the Haircutter, what are you talking about? IN the US, drinking the Kool-Aid is a common phrase that needs no explanantion. OH, I forgot Canadians who know everything about American history AND their own need an encyclopedia entry on what happened in Jonestown. That was a woefully irrelevant remark, Haircutter.That word is part of the common lexicon in the US, so I didn't think that you needed a history lesson. Also remind me to add a history of gay marriage in Canada the next time I refer to that....how moronic. Then again, Americans don't know what hurling is maybe you can teach them!!!!!

Ricciardi , who is the longest reigning GM in baseball without making it to the playoffs, is still in the mix.JP's contract ends in 2010 as does Halladay's. Why the hell would Doc stay when nothing is working? He could be paid 27 mill a year to play for the Yankees, Mets and Boston who actually have a chance to make to the playoffs indtead of toiling in Toronto.

Tao you make me laugh with your curses and phony posturing. I'm not a Pollyana, but someone who tells it like it is. The Jays will suck next year if JP has his way. It's as simple as that. Oh, by the way. Tao in the spirit of US-Canada relations, go fuck yourself and your husband in Montreal. I hope that your marriage is happy that your husband cheats on you a ton. Oh yeah, stop drinking the Kool-Aid and next time I'll writing a novel about Jonestown to some fucktards who need a cultural explanation?! Bunch of weak fuckers.

Tao of Stieb said...

So anonymous. So angry.

Darren Priest said...

He called it a cliche, he didn't say he didn't know what it meant. Anonymous is at least as smart as Mike Danton -- that much we know. And with his clear gay panic, maybe he and Danton had the same coach.

Fox said...

For the record, moron, jonestown, while populated by Americans, was in latin America. Guyana I believe (I'm eating and too lazy to type it into my wikipedia search bar right now). Halladay is staying, this is one of the funniest blog posts ever, and the Jays will turn the corner/get over the hump/walk the walk/whatever other stupid sports cliche applies this year. In fact, I'm starting a new cliche for what the Jays will do,I hope it catches on, they will Carter the Fastball.