Somebody call Patch Adams

As if the Jays long season of injury absurdity hadn't thrown enough our way, here comes the news that Scott Downs is going to miss the Boston series due to a case of gout.

Insert your own David Wells comment here.

Meanwhile, Lyle Overbay , seen above testing his wrist strength, will get the screws removed from his faulty appendage next week. He won't likely be available for much of anything in the interim, although we're not sure that his absence will be noticed. (Hey, that's kinda harsh for a guy we like, but at this point, we're just dumping on anyone. It's cathartic.)

Overbay should probably give the screws to Mickey Brantley once they are removed, so he can fondly remember this season and his excuses for the Jays ineptitude in his life after baseball. Which should be starting any day now.

Requiem for a Fat Man

Yeah, yeah...we know that Boomer Wells had one more night of glory, going five innings for the 6-2 win against the Mets last night.

And we know that he legged out a bunt for a single and scored. Good for him.

We've made our feelings about Boomer pretty clear. His self-proclamation as a "scumbag" seems particularly apt to us.

So let's just see what Scummy can pull off in his next start, when he hasn't had three weeks rest, and doesn't have a national audience watching.

So long, Fat Man

This morning, the San Diego Padres came to their senses, and gave David Wells his walking papers.

Before you go getting misty-eyed about Wells, let's remember that he is an obnoxious fat prick who liked to portray himself as a gamer, but who'd have to bow out of important games down the stretch because of his lifestyle-induced cases of gout.

Let's remember him as the guy who pissed and moaned about the fact that the Blue Jays monitored his weight, then bragged about rigging the scale to beat their weigh-ins.

Let's remember him as the guy who begrudged the fact that the Jays promoted Jimmy Key ahead of him, even though it took him more than a decade to actually put up numbers that remotely compared to Key's.

Let's remember him as the guy who took all the credit for any minor success he might have had, but quickly assessed blame elsewhere whenever his performance dipped.

Let's remember him as the guy who hated his time in Toronto, but would still drop the team's name into conversation when it came time to negotiate a new contract.

It's like Hank says to Falstaff in the second part of Henry IV:

I know thee not, old man: Fall to thy Prayers:
How ill white hairs become a Fool, and jester
I have long dream'd of such a kinde of man,
So surfeit-swell'd, so old, and so prophane:
But being awake, I do despise my dream.
Make less thy body (hence) and more thy Grace,
Leave gourmandizing; Know the Grave doth gape
For thee, thrice wider then for other men.

Would I Lie To You?

JP Riccardi's admission is hardly the first lie in baseball circles. Some other famous fibs:

1. Jeff Kent - Several years ago Jeff Kent started the season on the DL with an injured wrist. The Lie? He told everybody that he injured his wrist washing his car. The Truth? He hurt his wrist after he wiped out while doing a "wheelie" on his motorcycle.


2. Tim Johnson - In his tenure as Jays manager, Johnson was tasked with motivating a team with a lot of youth and some ego-maniacal veterans (we're looking at you Jose Canseco). The Lie? Johnson motivated his men by telling them war stories from his tour of duty in Vietnam. The Truth? The closest that Tim Johnson came to being in combat was buying some shorts at Old Navy during a sidewalk sale.


3. Pete Rose - After a sure thing hall of fame career, Rose helmed his Cinncinati Reds in the mid to late 80's. He soon came under fire as allegations arose that he was a heavy gambler. The Lie? Rose swore that he never bet on baseball. The Truth? Not only did he bet on baseball, he bet on his own team every single game.


4. Junior Felix - The man who caught the final out in Dave Stieb's no-hitter was a sparkplug in his rookie year. There was a lot of optimism as the young outfielder looked to be a fixture in the Jays lineup for years to come. The Lie? That he was young. The Truth? Felix turned out to be several years older than advertised.


5. David Wells - So many to choose from. Let's try this one. How about the one concerning the perfect game that he threw for the Yanks. The Lie? Wells wrote in his autobiography that he was "half-drunk" on the mound that day. The Truth? Perhaps he was forced into this, but he retracted his statement about being drunk.


6. Roger Clemens - The Rocket, after weighing several options, signed with the Yankees for the remainder of the 2007 season. The Lie? Clemens said that signing with the Yanks had nothing to do with the money. The Truth? Clemens had 10 million more reasons to sign with the Bronx Bombers than with the Red Sox.