Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Our gift to the readers: Cheap shots at The Manager

You know, it kinda bums us out when we post something, and no one cares. Then again, the last post in our endless and ultimately meaningless pimping of someone else's book barely kept us interested while we were writing it. (We even dropped the "we"! That's how much we were checked out on that one! Sorry!)

Yet, at the same time, we noticed yesterday that this month is officially the most successful month (in terms of visits and pageviews) in the history of the blog. And if we made a dime off this thing, we might actually break out the champagne and O.J. this morning to celebrate. Instead, we just took an extra pull off the aftershave this morning to mark the equation. (Ah, the old Kenneth Cole New York...tasty, but not too burny.)

Anyways, we feel like we have to make amends. You, the faithful readers, come here every day and help make my life feel just a little bit less meaningless through your patronage. And if there is one thing that we know that you enjoy, it is the endless cheap shots that we take at grumpy lump in the dugout. And so, as a peace offering for a less than stellar post yesterday, we offer a fine list of slightly borrowed insults directed towards The Manager. Enjoy.

-You know, calling The Manager an idiot is really an insult to all of the stupid people out there.

-I heard The Manager was looking at a change this year. I guess that means his diaper is really full.

-The Manager will have a lot of well wishers this year. As in, we'd all like to throw him down a well for good luck.

-The Manager is a habit that Toronto baseball fans need to kick. With both feet.

-This season would be an excellent time for The Manager to become a missing person.

-I believe The Manager when he says he has an open mind, because good ideas seem to pass right through it.

-Sometimes, when he's slumped in the dugout, it appears as though The Manager has a terribly empty feeling...in his head.

Okay, that's about what we can muster. Feel free to toss in your own in the comments for good measure.


Joel said...

Complaining about the manager (btw, his name is Cito Gaston) on a potentially last place team is more than a little pointless.

Tao of Stieb said...

Everybody welcome Joel to the party.

And BTW to you: One day, our sun is going to burn out or go supernova, and the entirety of human history will either freeze into nothingness or will be evaporated instantaneously.

So, if you want to look at it that way...there's plenty of stuff that is kinda pointless.

Joel said...

I can't believe you brought the sun going supernova into this... now I'm going to be depressed all weekend.

The Ack said...

...and it's only Tuesday!

mike in boston said...

Complaining about the manager (btw, his name is Cito Gaston) on a rebuilding team is not at all pointless.

there, that's better. the (mis)Manager can seriously screw up the development of the organization, and that's what most people here are complaining about. there's no reason this rebuild has to take 5 years.

Joel said...

I would argue that the worst he could do this year is not letting Ruiz play enough. The rest of the lineup is pretty much set and he's just going to sit on the bench and watch it happen.

Saying he could seriously screw it up is an exaggeration, in my opinion.

Tao of Stieb said...

Shawn Green and Carlos Delgado blossomed after The Manager left.

Tim Johnson was the best thing that happened to them.

Maybe he could come back for a second run at it? The Jays seem to like a comeback story.

Slow-witted Octogenarian said...

The manager is one grade A nincompoop!

sutpen said...

Maybe keeping Ruiz hidden away is all part of the great master plan. Alex the Ant and the Manager have already predetermined his value, and know that as soon as pitchers figure him out, he's finished.

Therefore, they keep him hidden away, but dangle the carrot just enough to keep him encouraged. Then, when the 2011 Jays win 96 games on the back of Ruiz and his monster 45 HR season--a one time only feat--and thanks to their fabulous young pitching staff, we'll all see the brilliance of it.

Geniuses, I tell ya. Geniuses.

eyebleaf said...

Really, Tao? Cito/Clarence has left you pining for Vietnam war hero Tim Johnson? Say it ain't so...

Bwilly said...

Green maybe (yeah probably), I don't think you can claim Delgado, thats more natural progression of a prospect. 96,97 Delgado started to show what kind of player he could become.

Actually one of the best things to happen to Delgado was when the Jays shipped out their High OBP low power first baseman for Robert Person.

JB said...

Let's face it, in a 162 game season the manager makes only a difference in a handful of games. You can win a World Series or two despite having a shit for brains manager and a catcher with a .285 OBP.

But wouldn't it be nice to win those games that you could have won if the numbers were played right, you had the most effective batting order, or someone was used as a PH or defensive replacement to increase your odds of winning? Better yet, you properly develop your young talent (Olerud, Delgado, Green, Snider) to the max instead of spotlighting guys (Millar, Brumfield, Samuel) who would NOT MAKE ANY OTHER TEAM.

That's why mediocre players like Joe Carter love Cito. He puts them in a position to be a star. But the real stars of the 1993 team were Alomar, Olerud, and Molitor. To this day their contribution (especially Olerud) is underappreciated.

Criticism of Cito is more than fair game and should have been called years ago when people were fantasizing about his "legacy" and calling for his return.

mike in boston said...

if you want confirmation on JB's point, look no further than Clarence's quotes re: the back up catcher. He thinks it is a justification for keeping Chavez that he wouldn't likely get a contract with another team whereas Molina would.

what the hell kind of argument is that? the Jays aren't running a charity for guys who can't make real teams' rosters.

fuck off Cito.

JB said...

@Bwilly -- Calling Olerud low power?

He had the highest slugging percentage on the team (.599) in 1993. Carter was fourth at (.489).

But Clarence thought that Olerud should hit more home runs like Carter did and fucked with his swing accordingly.

That's the big myth about Olerud. No power my ass.

Bwilly said...

You're right we should have kept Olerud, fuck Delgado he couldn't hold a candle to Olerud. Point to 1993 (ie his career year) to make the argument.

In the 7 years Olerud and Carter played together in Toronto fulltime. 5 years carter had the higher slug.

eyebleaf said...

JB, which morons do you know who don't appreciate Olerud, Molitor, and Alomar's contributions in 1993?

Joel said...

He doesn't know anyone like that... JB excels in usage of the straw man argument.

Team Scrappy said...

Tao, what the hell kind of can of worms have you openned here today?
Now Danny Cox, there was a dude underappreciated on the 1993 team.
Willie CaƱate, less so.

Swagmanjay said...

Just for shits and giggles check out the salary rankings for the projected starting 5 for each team.


Look way down for our boys....

JB said...


John Olerud had a career slugging percentage of .465

Joe Carter had a career slugging percentage of .464

See Bwilly

You are a Cito Gaston fan. You are easier to beat up than any straw men.

Matty L. Rock said...

I've got one
- Even though he's leaving at the end of the season many fans will still call for The Manager to be fired, out of a cannon, into the sun.

Did anyone ever contemplate that maybe the fact that he seems to have shit for brains is why nobody offered a manager job to Cito after he got fired, instead preferring him to be a hitting coach?

Bwilly said...

I don't think there is a player from 92-93 that was underappreciated. Granted lots were overappreciated. Remember how awesome Kelly Gruber was?don't look at his stats if you still want to.

Bwilly said...


I don't disrespect John Olerud, I said he had low power, I guess I should have said low to medium power. I just thought I'd point out the Olerud/Overbay type comparison because Delgado was brought up, (and Overbay's value has been discussed at lengths, insert Ruiz/Dopirak/Wallace instead of Delgado and expect same outcome).

I'm not a huge Joe Carter fan you brought him up. Joe Carter career SLG as a blue jay .473, John Olerud .471 (I don't care what he did as a Met). But for the record I do view Carter as having more power than Olerud because he drove alot more balls farther (more power doesn't mean better hitter though)

Tao of Stieb said...


I like that one. I may steal it.

And yeah, the funny thing about The Manager's past two years with the team is that it has completely changed my view on him.

I used to view him as the underdog...the guy who never go a shake even though he deserved it.

Now, you have to look at how things shook out and think about it for a second: The White Sox were down to The Manager and Ozzie, and figured that they preferred the cut of Guillen's jib.

Think about that for long enough, and it will blow your mind.

SP said...

Jacob Brumfield is a saint! You hear me? A saint!

SP said...

Brumfield was the original Blissfully Oblivious Gazelle. Well, except that he sucked hard.

Brian Tallet's Cock Cheese said...

Tao, Cito can't hear you. He has his two world series rings stuck in his ears.

JB said...

Sticking your World Series rings in your ears would be an idiot thing to do.

Anonymous said...

Not if you've heard the Tao's whining, grating fucking voice.

REAN said...

@mikeinboston -
Clarence's quotes re: the back up catcher. He thinks it is a justification for keeping Chavez that he wouldn't likely get a contract with another team whereas Molina would


With or without link - I'm sick of Cito being less concerned with winning and more concerned with giving veteran FAs & unwanted(?) catchers playing time. (Overbay, Millar, Chavez). I get that it's old-school & 'right' but FUCK! He says he wants to win. He says he hates to loose. WTF!

Not to mention what Chavez must think when he reads a quote like that - "I'm not likely to get a contract? Fuck you, Grampa Munster"

REAN said...

He says he wants to win. He says he hates to loose. WTF!

Rereading - thought I'd clarify that I don't necessarily think that playing Overbay everyday would be a disaster or that Chavez & Molina are realy that different of a player...(Millar, well, he had a good April)... My real objection is the thick-skulled old-school mentality.

Cock Cheese of Brian Tallet said...

I hate people who can't spell lose.

Ryan said...

lol oops