The Month in Rebuke - April Power!

That first month of the season went awfully fast. It was barely here, and then it was gone. Although we suppose that is what happens when the league starts the season a full week into April, rather than starting at the beginning of the month and saving the week of World Series games in November.

Never mind. That's another rant for another day.

For now, join us as we look back with instant nostalgia at the opening weeks of the season, and study the lessons to be learned from April 2010.

The Jays Offense, or why OPS was invented
Through this weekend's games, the Jays sit in dead last in the American League in on base, with a skimpy .303 mark. On the other hand, the Jays sit just behind the Yankees in team slugging percentage, hammering the ball at a rugged .453 clip. Toss those two marks together, and the Jays sit sixth in the AL in OPS, at .756.

Going, going, A-Gon
No one exemplifies the Jays early season offense better than Alex Gonzalez. Through Sunday's game, Gonzalez had 29 hits, of which 19 were for extra bases (eight homers, 10 doubles and a triple), good for a .619 slugging percentage. At the same time, Gonzo has eeked out just three walks in 26 games so far, while striking out 28 times. So take Gonzalez's meager .303 on base, add it to the generous helping of slugicity, tally it all up, and he ends up sitting in 10th in the AL in OPS.

We believe in Vernon Wells...so far
Speaking of the OPS leaders in the AL, V-Dub sits comfortably in fifth amongst qualifiers with a 1.075 mark. Moreover, Vernon is posting stellar Sabermetrically-correct numbers as well, ranking third in Runs Created (25.2), fourth in isolated power (.360) and fifth in secondary average (.450).

It's been an outstanding start to the season, and we hope that people aren't going to get used to it or get cynical about any drop off in performance from here on out. Vernon has looked like a new man, both at the plate and in the field. Or maybe he just looks closer to what we want him to be.

Either way, there's a lot less chatter about his contract. Which is good, because that talk is both boring and depressing.

Or if counting stats are more your bag...
The Jays finished the weekend with the most homers (38) and total bases (397) of any American League club. Boom baby!

Goodbye, hello
Every time the Jays send a player off the to the glue factory or back to the minors, it's an opportunity to meet someone new. As the month closed, we saw Jeremy Accardo sent out of The Manager's sights, and Merkin Valdez passed through waivers to see if he can ever figure out how to get his vaunted "stuff" over the plate. The Jays also sent Edwin Encarnacion away to deal with his crappy wrist and to make room for productive players, and they let hispter oaf Brian Tallet look after his severe case of too-many-cutters on the DL as well.

In return, we got a couple of appearances in high five lines (and four at bats) from Jeremy Reed; a nastier, more focused Brett Cecil, who appears to be here to throw strikes and here to stay; Fred Lewis, who we've grown increasingly accustomed to seeing at the top of the order and who makes the lineup make sense; Josh Roenicke, who looks like a keeper so far; and Rommie Lewis, who sounds like a swell story of determination that we may or may not remember a couple of months down the road.

At some point in May, the Jays are going to have to make decisions on what to do with Tallet and E5, which will mean that someone gets bumped from active roster.

The diminishing power of the 'pen
We cam into the season thinking that the saving grace of this team would be the bullpen. The pen was deep enough so that the Jays could send any number of pitchers back to the minors for further seasoning, and good enough to boast four guys who have had a regular closer gig in the past few years. All good, right?

Yeah, not so much. At this point, the only cushion in discussing the bullpen's performance in April is that there was one team that was worse. But if we're going to lean on the Royals' lack of performance as some solace, we might just as well direct our attention towards the forthcoming ice dance season through the rest of the summer.

The pen has tossed batting practice to the tune of a 4.92 ERA, while the starters have managed to be close to a run better (3.98, fifth best in the AL).

We love our jarheaded closer
Signing Kevin Gregg elicited a fair amount of derision this winter, but the big man has been the - really sorry for this pun - saving grace of the relief corps. Take a gander at his 0.66 ERA and six saves in six opportunities to go along with his 14 Ks versus one walk and one earned run, and you may come to appreciate him as much as we do.

We could talk about the crowds...
...but really, let's wait until the nice days come, and we actually know how bad it is going to be. It sucks that the Jays might lose 30% of their attendance year-over-year, but we actually think that this season might be the bottom, and that small increases are possible in the next couple of years if the management plays things right. All a part of the building, we suppose.

Although those Blue Jays in suits commercials aren't helping.

In closing, your honour...
We got through our look back at the first month of the season, and we haven't mentioned Silver Sluggers Adam Lind (.770 OPS through Sunday) and Aaron Hill (.761 OPS in limited time). And yet, the Jays pull through it with an even .500 record.

So, we're not exactly breaking out the party hats. But we're still here, and vaguely optimistic for something better than misery from here on out. Which is the faintest of notions around which one can wrap them arms in a loving embrace, but in a season like this, it'll do.

Hope for The Franchise

Lost in the hubbub (but not to these eyes) of John Buck's Delgado-esque heroics and the ongoing theatrics of the AL's top power duo Vernon Wells and Alex Gonzalez (hey, we have to say these things while we can) have been sparks of life from the otherwise silent bat of Travis Snider.

Sample size alert! It's only been two games, but two doubles and a ding-dong (in memory of Jamie Campbell) give me hope that the most important bat in the Jays lineup may be starting to settle into a groove. A few points:

No player's struggles bring me more mental anguish than those of Travis Snider. His is a heavy burden to bear - he's long been seen as a focal point of the rebuilding offence, and many of us (present company definitely included) have taken for granted that he would indeed grow into the big mashing middle of the order raker that every contending ballclub requires.

Simply put - those dudes are hard to come by and are not easily replaced. And by living (and dying) on that assumption, every fastball that Snider can't quite catch up to brings on a mild case of angina.

And then I remind myself that he's 22 years old. He's learning how to be a professional baseball player on a stage where every flaw, every "not quite ready" skill is magnified. He's too good to fail. By all accounts, he's too driven. Cats that put balls into upper decks don't have slow bats; the missed fastballs are a sign of something else - and lest I pretend to be a professional baseball scout, I'm working on the assumption that it's something correctable.

Just like our man eyebleaf believes in Vernon Wells, I believe in Travis Snider. He'll figure it out. It's not like he & the Jays don't have a little time on their hands.

Fuel to the fire - The Adeiny Hechavarria Hype Machine
Since the (not so) splashy intro, we haven't heard much concerning the future and greatest shortstop (since Tony Fernandez, natch) for the Blue Jays. Until today, that is, with this beauty of a nugget from the Post's John Lott:

Meanwhile, Anthopoulos said he has received glowing reports on shortstop Adeiny Hechavarria, the Cuban defector who signed a US$10-million contract a few weeks ago.

Hechavarria, 21, wowed Jays’ officials in a recent extended spring training game.

“He went 3-for-4 with a triple off the wall, a double and a single and played really good shortstop,” Anthopoulos said. “It’s only extended [spring training], but it’s pretty exciting to read the game reports. They said he made an outstanding sliding catch to his right, got up and fired a seed to first base.”

Yes, yes, and yes. More, please.

The Manager will use his magic powers to help you hit dingers

This is how The Manager has built his reputation.

A barely-above-replacement level scrub goes out for extra batting practice in the midst of a slump which has only served to drag down an already lousy year. And then The Manager steps forth, with his knowledge of the grip-it-and-rip-it philosophy, and touches the player with his wisdom and insight.

And then, after but one session with The Manager, the player goes out and hammers the ball around the yard like he was Hank. Unbelievable.

We could go into a whole repudiation of the myth and the legend, and suggest that maybe anyone could have provided a healthy refresher for John Buck to help him pull his head out of his ass. And we could also point out how a couple of the swings that resulted in those dingers weren't exactly what you would call "pretty" or "textbook".

But really, who's to argue with those results? When the legend becomes fact, print the legend.

A tribute to Windows Restaurant
We're not even sure that anyone would or could call it Windows anymore, given that it has sat as empty as Steve Simmons' head for much of the past three years. But seeing John Buck's third homer of the night rattle off the panes - now covered in advertising - reminded us of what a thrill it used to be when a Fred McGriff or Carlos Delgado moonshot would touch the glass, deep in centre field.

While we've advocated pulling the glass and creating some sort of douchebag party patio out there, seeing that homer bounce of it last night might have just convinced us that they ought to keep the structure out there. For oldtimey's sake.

A quick and quiet five game losing streak

It's not as though we weren't somewhat present and watching and/or listening to the games over the past week.

But somehow, it barely even registered with us until this morning that the Jays are currently plunged in a five game slide, having dropped five of six games to the big kids in the AL East. It could be that we trying so hard to identify the encouraging parts of these games and the signs of good times ahead that we've glossed over the fact that the team is just not putting enough together to win games, especially against their tough divisional rivals.

We're probably too busy consoling ourselves by looking at the strong starts from Brett Cecil and Shaun Marcum, and the strongish start from Brandon Morrow, and saying "If only they had some offense tonight." And when the Jays relentlessly beat Josh Beckett around the park, we start having happy thoughts of "What if they actually got some good pitching tonight?"

And the next thing you know, you're sliding backwards to the wrong side of .500, and finding yourself cautiously grateful for an appearance by the Oakland A's. (Who actually look kinda good this year, in the way that mid-pack AL West teams can start to look like contenders to win 86 games and the division title after one good week.)

Fear of a left-handed planet
Not that we're wishing ill health upon young pitchers, but we breathed a sigh of relief when we saw that A's lefty Brett Anderson wouldn't be available for the forthcoming series. The Jays are 1-4 thus far against lefties, posting a godawful .468 OPS in games started by LHPs.

It looks as though the Jays might get Gio Gonzalez in one of the four games this series, but the other three pitchers should be right-handers. (Justin Duchscherer tonight, possibly Trevor Cahill or Vin Mazzaro tomorrow, and Ben Sheets tossed into the mix at some point.) None of which guarantees victories, mind you. It just makes the overriding feeling of dread subside by a few percentage points.

And speaking of "few percentage points", that whole "play Lyle Overbay against lefties because he wants to play against them" plan? Not working so well so far: Lylo is rocking a .333 OPS, including a .095 OBP and a .238 SLG. (And those numbers include a homer against a lefty, so imagine how miniscule they'd be otherwise.)

Five things, while we have a quick moment

We're dreadfully late for a tea party, but since you're here, we'll offer you five quick things which may be nothing at all.

The Roof: For the love of baseball, and for the love of fresh air, someone crack the lid on the Rogers Centre, for goodness sakes. Yeah, some people might complain about the cold, and maybe the players prefer the controlled environment under the roof. But people can bring a jacket, and the players should maybe consider getting a job at an Orange Julius stand in the mall if the brisk air is an impediment. We've attended ball games where we had to stop keep score because our pen froze. And we lived to tell the tale. A 10 degree night in April is something to be savoured and enjoyed.

The Catchers: One day after throwing out four baserunners, some folks started questioning Jose Molina's defensive abilities because he backhanded a ball in the dirt. Have we all lost our minds? Molina's been great behind the plate. John Buck's been okay, too, though not great. But don't let all the fetishizing of Rod Barajas' giant belly and thighs and their ball blocking abilities get you all sentimental.

The Next Catcher: J.P. Arencibia is on a roll in Vegas, posting an OPS of .914 and looking (in the boxscores, at least) like he's back in the form that he demonstrated in 2008. He's caught only 14% of baserunners so far and he's allowed four passed balls - Ohhh! Rod! Come back! - so those numbers may be worth tracking. Maybe most important is how the Jays' pitching prospects like throwing to him, because if they dislike him now, they're going to hate him like every Yankee pitcher hated Jorge Posada and loved Jose Molina last year.

The Bullpen: Sorry, we take it back. We have nothing to say about the bullpen.

Shaun Marcum: North of Steeles is the unluckiest bastard of them all, having pitched five games pretty well so far this year, with nothing in the win column to show for it. Which just goes to show you that wins and losses are the most important pitching stat, and a sub -.500 pitcher like Marcum has no business being the ace of this rotation. (Wait...it doesn't show that at all! What? Are you telling us...Nah. Couldn't be.)

Oh dear! I'm late!

Sunshine, happiness and Josh Roenicke

So all the angry stuff that we wrote this morning? Well, that still stands. But what sort of blog would we be if we only focused on the bullshit and negative? (Well, that's probably most blogs, but never mind that.) You don't come here to have us bring you down, right?

So join us, won't you, as we celebrate the triumphant return of Josh Roenicke.

Roenicke is on his way back to Toronto (and bringing with him lefty Las Vegas closer Rommie Lewis) after The Manager had finally had enough of looking at Jeremy Accardo's stupid face after another hit surrendered (2.25 WHIP!) and Merkin Valdez's erratic Merkin Balls. But you already knew that.

Roenicke got off to a stellar start in Vegas, giving up ZERO runs in 8.2 innings, striking out 8 and walking one. And that, friends, is what we like to see in a reliever's stat line.

As for Lewis, his numbers are okay and if you care about saves, he's got five of them. He's also rocking a 1.70 WHIP and has given up 10 hits in his 7.2 innings of work, which makes us wonder what his stuff will look like being pounded into the alleys by the Yankees.

We came into the season figuring that one of the Jays' strengths would be the bullpen. But as the Sausage King and Scott Downs get off to disturbing starts, and as we begin to find ourselves endorsing a call to the pen to get Shawn Camp, we don't mind seeing the team use some of its pitching depth to shore up the middle innings. The bullpen might be mighty yet.

While we don't want to heap too many expectations on young Mr. Roenicke, we're optimistic that he can work his way through an inning without looking like a poor excuse for a tee. Or causing us losing our will to live. Which would be an improvement.

Josh Roenicke has a website, but apparently, no webmaster
Turn down your speakers if you're at work or just don't like crappy filler synthy Action News theme songs. Then head on over to www.joshroenicke.com for all of your Roenicke-related info needs. Just be prepared to enjoy lots of Cincinnati Reds content, as someone hasn't quite kept up with the updating of said website.

(Apparently, it is DMS Elite Sport Management who are supposed to be looking after this stuff, but considering that their site has a "Under Construction" page and nothing else, we wouldn't recommend holding out for much Jays related news.)

Grumpy old men will grumpy. We can be grumpy, too.

Don't get us wrong on this. We're not trying to be ageist.

And truth be told, we're one of the grumpiest guys we know, and old (but certainly not wise) beyond our years. The other night, we nearly pulled all of our vertebrae out of whack just getting off the couch.

But seriously: Can we have a moratorium on "features" writers and goofballs from the "news" and "City" and "Life" sections of the newspapers stepping into the Rogers Centre like the hobbyists they are on a quote hunt to prove their thesis that the Jays are fucked and on their way out of town?

And this, folks, is where we really get grumpy. Those of us who went to journalism school know that from the moment you walk through the hallowed halls, the instructors blow all sorts of smoke up your ass about what a noble pursuit you are about to undertake, speaking truths to power and acting as an advocate and a voice for the People and to the People. Democracy and all that is good with the world depends on the eyes and words and honesty and truth of character that is found at the core of the journalist, and we must endeavour to use this power for the sake of humanity...

...And then, we'll just come up with horseshit theses off the top of our head, and go get three quotes that confirm them and call it a "feature". A story that really emphasized the "Dickensian Aspect".

Sorry...we're getting a little side-tracked here. This post was supposed to be about catchers and a bullpen that seems unable of getting men out, and somewhere along the line, it's turned into a screed over the ridiculous story written by the Star's Sandro Contenta. The article, wherein Mr. Contentedtofocusonthesurface found a bunch of curmudgeonly old dudes to complain about how expensive the tickets are, and how expensive the beer is, and how in Boston, you can get a hat and tickets on the Monster and a neckrub from Adrian Beltre for $29. ($28 with the new favourable exchange!)

(Stop me before I subreference again here...but are we the only ones who finds that Boston story a little weird? Especially considering that everyone we know who has gone to Fenway has paid a small fortune for just their seat, and generally not a great seat. It just doesn't smell right. If we were a reporter, we might even double-check a quote like that.)

And let's not forget the token former Expos fan, who always makes an appearance, as some sort of Ghost of Things Yet to Come...nevermind the fact that the situations are completely different, and that the Jays still get good TV and radio numbers and are relevant beyond a handful of diehards who had the endurance to put up with the chicanery of Claude Brochu and Jeffrey Loria. (Those boys were pretty hard core.)

And then there's Hayley Mick's piece in the Globe today, where she finds a bunch of other dudes who speak wistfully about paying $2 for tickets at the Ex. You know what else was $2 in the 70's? A house in Riverdale. (Actually, we didn't double-check that figure. Call it a guesstimate.)

The Globe article goes on to feature the traditional whining about the cost of stuff at the ballpark, as though the people there are all impoverished virgins who have never paid $10 for movie popcorn or $6 for a hotdog at Canada's Wonderland or $9 for a pint of beer at the James Joyce Pub in Calgary. Apparently, the Blue Jays are the only organization in the world that deems it necessary to charge $10 for a 24 oz. tasty beverage, and the outrage from that fact shall never dampen, never dim.

In fairness to Ms. Mick, she did manage to find a couple of younger dudes who don't have the locked-in nostalgia for the prices of times past, and are used to spending $50 on a t-shirt and $100 on a pair of jeans and who get the notion that $57 for a ticket to the ballgame isn't the most crushing disappointment that life has to offer.

Which isn't to say that we don't think that tickets are a little too expensive, and that there aren't things that the organization is going to have to do to stop the bleeding and make the experience a better one for everyone.

But let's just put a moratorium on the worst-case-scenario stories. There's a better story to be told here, about how the Jays papered over problems for much of the last decade with free tickets and deep discounts and giveaways, and that we've only started to see the crisis of consumer confidence in this product.

Crowds will be up come summer, and then these stories will fade a bit. But the underlying problems will exist, and it would be nice to see the real story written, rather than the blather that is being floated around now.

Sunday afternoon quick-hitters

....so quick that no pic is required. Thoughts kicking around my head after a lacklustre weekend of Blue Jays baseball....
.
.
.
Maybe this should be filed under the "it's early!" tag....or maybe the "sample size!" tag....or maybe the "overreaction to one brutal outing" tag....but, yeah, Jason Frasor looks about done. We all noticed the decline in velocity early on, but I had hoped it was one of those "build up arm strength in the early going" deals. But that 90-92 mph fastball (last year's 93-94) isn't picking up any velocity, has no life, and can't find the strike zone (nearly one walk per inning). There has to be something wrong with the Sausage King's arm. Gotta be.
.
.
Lest you think I'm picking on only Frasor, neither Scott Downs nor Jeremy Accardo are faring much better. Both are getting hit around and missing minimal bats. "Trade Value" for the loss. Meanwhile, Josh Roenicke has been nearly unhittable in the early going for Vegas. You'd suspect Downs is safe barring injury, but given his history, Accardo shouldn't get too comfortable in his Toronto digs.....you'd think. How long before Camp sees the 8th inning? (that retching sound you hear is the Tao as he reads this)
.
.
Speaking of unhittable, Timmy Tim Collins' YTD line for AA New Hampshire: 16K's through 9 IP and nothing across. Wow. I think the kid has gone from feel-good curiosity to legitimate prospect to get moderately excited about at this point, no?
.
.
Remember when we used to shit on Greggg Zaun for not throwing anyone out? Well, Jose Molina nailed four runners trying to steal this afternoon. And the Jays lost 6-0.
.
.
Looks like maybe new whipping boy Lyle Overbay (formerly Vernon Wells) is coming on strong. Well, maybe "strong" isn't the word, but you get the point. Unfortunately, there's little he can do to slow the Brett Wallace train. Now if only the Snider train would start to roll.....

Brett Cecil came and made everything better

(whaddya think about that?)

So, I've been away from things for a while. And by "away from things", I mean merely scanning boxscores and grabbing the headlines for the past week as opposed to dryhumping every last minutiae of information I can find surrounding the Blue Jays (awwwkward).

You know how it is - work stuff, family stuff, maybe some more work stuff. Unbelievable that goddamned life dares get in the way of baseball, right? I was this close to dialing into JaysTalk with Wilner and bitching about Lyle Overpaid and that goon JP Ricciardi and his 5 year plan.

But I'm back and plugged in (as much as I ever was, I guess), and I'm here to talk about that magnificent bastard Brett Cecil. The final line might not immediately blow you way (4 ER in 6.2 IP), but like everything else this season, I choose to conveniently blame the manager for not yanking the kid after 6 strong innings. Seriously though, Cecil was everything the Jays hope he will be - a strong mid-rotation presence with power stuff, able to compete against AL East rivals. I'd say his 2010 debut fit the bill.

Oh, and you look good up top, Freddy Lewis.

Oh, and welcome back, Aaron Hill. And make sure you give that sore arm plenty of rest, Edwin.

One more thing - where would the Jays be without Kevin Gregg right now? I know - who woulda thunk it, right?

Quickly....
AJ Burnett's tattooed arm - what the fuck?

Speaking of douchebags, nice to see ARod get called out by Oakland's Dallas Braden for breaking code. Truthfully, I don't even much care who's right in this one. Douchey is as douchey does, Alex.

Brett Wallace is up to 7 HR and a 1.036 OPS. JP Arencibia is starting to come around, too.

Fire up the Adeiny Hechavarria hype machine. Let's go!

It's the AL East, son

And now, this season gets serious. Over the next six days, the Jays get their first real taste of the AL East (because we're already saying that Baltimore doesn't count.)

If you want games that "matter", then take heed: These are the games that matter.

Last year, the Jays' schedule against the Only Division That Matters was almost entirely backloaded, with their first meeting against the Unholy Trinity coming on May 19 in Boston. And it was pretty much on that evening in Boston that the then unstoppable Blue Jay machine was pretty much stopped in their tracks.

(And to be honest with you, we're not sure that we've recovered yet from that Tim Wakefield junk-ball-palooza, after which the Jays hitters went into such a prolonged slumber that some of them may have had their organs harvested without waking up. Which would go a long way towards explaining Lyle Overbay.)

Make no mistake: These are the games that matter, and this is where the fortunes of this team are determined. The Jays were 20 games under .500 against those three teams (and an even .500 with the Orioles, if that matters), so effectively it was that significant chunk of the schedule that sunk any hopes of respectability. Conversely, the Jays were 49-41 outside of their division. Which is kinda respectable, even for a team that people wrote off as a disaster.

(Go ahead. Sing it with us, because you know the words: "My Kingdom for a Balanced Schedule!")

Let's get this party started right
So if this wholly inequitable portion of the schedule has to get started somehow, we can't think of a much better pitching matchup than tonight's. The Dreamboat himself, Brett Cecil, will take the mound in the air-conditioned tomb of Tampa versus the dastardly Matt Garza, who owns the Jays (6-3, 1.70 ERA and 1.12 WHIP in 10 career starts against the Jays.) And still, we'd rather face him than Wakefield.

(If only we weren't going to be blind drunk by the time the first pitch is tossed.)

Brett Cecil is coming to make everything better

So that guy (what's-his-name, the number two starter, hipster oaf-looking fella) is off to the DL with a case of the Too-Many-Cutters. So for those of you who were waiting patiently throughout both weeks of the season for Brett Cecil to return, now is your moment.

We're so excited to have Cecil back with the big club that we have to admit to losing our composure upon hearing the news. It was almost as though we heard that David Cone, Jimmy Key and Mark Eichhorn jumped into a hot tub time machine, dialed it back to 1992 and were on their way to Toronto to reclaim glory.

(And, if you'll permit a bit of a meander here: Would '92 vintage Cone/Key/Eichhorn put the Jays back into contention? Would they have to Roberto Alomar along for the hot tubbing? And would they want to? Sorry...I got lost there for a moment.)

Why do we love Cecil so much? How is it that this young lefty with an ERA on the wrong side of 5.00 and a WHIP of 1.65 has captured our imagination? The best explanation that we have is that Cecil is the Bizarro World Shawn Camp for us. It doesn't matter how bad the result is, we can't help coming away from every outing feeling that much better about him.

We don't even mind that he gave up 13 hits in 11 innings at Las Vegas so far, or that his Triple-A WHIP is 1.36. We figure that has to be the fault of bad fielding. Or poor field conditions. Or official scorers with a vendetta.

When it comes right down to it, we're probably a bit fixated on Cecil's legs. They are as thick and strong as sequoias, and when he's on a roll, he uses them effectively to drop and drive towards the plate. The strength in his legs help him maintain a powerful and consistent delivery, and he never looks like he's overtaxing his arm, which makes us think that the chances of a DL stint based on throwing too many of a certain pitch is unlikely.

We realize that reading along as a grown man swoons for reasons that are wholly irrational might make some of you uncomfortable. Sorry about that. As a make good to all the fellas who might have found this a bit disconcerting. So as a make good, we offer the Christina Hendricks Esquire cover. Which you've already seen, we're sure...but too much of Christina Hendricks is never enough.
Mrroawr.

Once step closer to the season sweep

It was looking dicey there for a moment, but our dreams of a season sweep against the Royals remain intact after some late inning heroics.

No, really. We're kinda selling ourselves on the whole notion that running the table on KC is something to which we can aspire, and which will help to keep us engaged and interested in these early season matchups.

(And speaking of "engaged and interested", let's hear it for the 10, 565 who showed up last night. By showing up the crowds from the past few nights, you helped us to avoid the "another record low attendance figure" trope that is keeping the beat writers in business this past week. You, the few and the proud, are the real heroes.)

Our hopes and dreams for an undefeated season run into a fairly significant roadblock this afternoon in the person of Zach Greinke. But on the other hand, that bum is 0-2, so clearly the Jays should be able to tee off on this sub-.500 chuck-and-ducker.

Also, the Jays will be sporting their awesome Powder Blue unis this afternoon (according to Jays intern Megan Robinson's @thestoryofagirl Twitter account...so you can take that to the bank.) The Jays in their powder blues taking on the Royals? What could go wrong?

(And now, we pause so that we can go into convulsions in memory of the 1985 ALCS, and all of the times that the Jays were taken to the woodshed by George Brett, Willie Wilson, Frank White and Bret Saberhagen. Groan.)

Before you undervalue a Royal thumping...

...Keep in mind that the Jays were 3-4 against the Royals last season. So the opportunity to beat down on one of the few teams that you can look down upon in the standings should be greeted with as much joy as pulling out a squeaker against the Sox, Rays or Yanks.

(At least that's what we're saying now. Come back and ask us again when the Jays get into the AL East portion of their schedule.)

No, really though. Who can't get behind a Run the Table on the Royals rallying cry?

Who doesn't love Jo-Bau?
A couple of days ago, we were whingeing about José Bautista' struggles at the plate as much as any Jays Talk caller from Woodbridge or Barrie. But two swings of the bat later, JoBau's OPSing over .840 and is second on the team in RsBI and everything is all good.

Or maybe, just maybe, this is a reminder that it is still early in the season, with more than 90% of the games yet to be played. We might not want to shove some guys who've had a bad two week stretch off the plank just yet.

Afternoon blogging? We really hope not.
So this thing about a "semi-big" player getting dinged for PEDs is sitting out there, and our mind races as we start to think of the Jays who might fit that description. We're so sick of talking about PEDs that we really hope that the news comes out and it's some guy that we don't care about on a team we never think of.

Because we're not sure that we've got the stomach to go over it if it turns out to be one of our own.

Some weekends suck more than others

If there's a small blessing to this past weekend, it's that we spent more time listening to the games and less time actually watching them. We consider the lack of visuals a small mercy that we granted upon ourselves. It left us able to complete the picture of the weekend sweep in a way that was far more satisfying and relaxing and pleasant.

In our mind's eye, a packed house watched as the Jays, a team comprised entirely of unicorns and My Little Ponies, fought valiantly against the Dark Angels and their evil machinations. And because of their equine nature and the lack of opposable thumbs, it was no wonder that the Blue Jays were left to flail away at the plate, striking out 19 times over the three games.

Now that our ether rag is dry, and we're left to piece the weekend back together in the cold grey light of a Monday afternoon, we're not certain what to read into the weekend. The Jays didn't really get blown out in any of the games, but they certainly never seemed to be poised to win any of them either. They continued to get contributions from Vernon Wells, Adam Lind and Alex Gonzalez, but much of the lineup is still scuffling along. Shaun Marcum and Ricky Romero respectively put up decent and excellent pitching performances, but putative number two starter Brian Tallet served up another subpar performance.

And so maybe this is the way that this season is going to play out: The good parts will be there, but will be outweighed by the bad, and eventually, you slip backwards into the mediocre showing that everyone expected.

(Go with us on this one, because we are trying to be the optimists who find arguments for how this team could go over .500 this year. If what we've just said seems completely obvious to you, it's because you were ready to believe it before we were. We're still sounding out the thoughts phonetically to ourselves and pretending that we don't understand the meaning.)

On Tallet and Tightness
Apparently, Brian Tallet's arm has tightness in it. Which is appropriate, we think, because our sphincter has had some significant tightness in it every time he takes the mound, if you know what we mean.

(Actually, it might not be "tightness". We're seeing "soreness" and "stiffness" in the reports. Which is appropriate, we think, considering the soreness of our sphincters after taking a beating from the opponent's stiffness each time Tallet takes the mound.)

My kingdom for a balance schedule
We've been dragging our feet on writing a piece on the bogus realignment horse-hockey that was tossed around in the winter, but we promise that we'll get right to that. Honest. In our mind, it's already the best thing that we're ever written, should we ever get around to writing it.

In the interim, we recommend a read through Neate Sager's typically well-informed and well-reasoned jaunt through the issues with the schedule, and why some of us should ignore the buffoonery of certain sportswriters.

A thought on buffoonery
After having had some fun with The Hack at Sun-Times, here's what we've come to believe about this whole situation: There are certain American sportswriters who go out of their way to make the situation in Toronto analogous to Montreal, or who like to hold Canada up for ridicule as a place where top level baseball should not and cannot succeed. But their existence is payback for the innumerable cases where Canadian hockey writers dump on the attendance and profitability of teams in American cities.

So maybe the point is that we should all stop being so fucking smug, and stop making arguments to pull teams out of other fans' markets. Mmmkay?

The struggles begin

Even though we're (yeah - we) in the midst of a (re)building year, losing plain sucks. Especially against shitballers like Joe Saunders, who prior to today's contest couldn't get anyone out. Cue the manager's patented "mail it in Saturday" lineup (much like this post - heyo!), featuring both Jose Molina and Johnny Mac. Both good dudes and defensive wizards to be sure, but those two bats should never, ever, appear on the same starting lineup card. In defence of Clarence, he's not exactly dealing with a full stack of reserves. Get healthy, Aaron Hill and hurry on back, E5.

The shittacular starting 9 aside, what I continue to find disconcerting and amazing all at once is the ongoing praise for Brian Tallet and his work in the rotation. Let me make one thing clear - I'm a big Tallet fan. In the right role. And to me, that role is long man capable of chewing up multiple innings out of the bullpen. The praise he receives for essentially being a bad starting pitcher is beyond me. It's like the Jays broadcast crew (and management) go out of their way to praise Tallet for taking his lumps and going five or six innings.

I'd rather all involved were just honest and admit that Tallet's job as a starter is a function of protecting the confidence of young arms who would otherwise be taking the ball. Better to beat on the veteran than the youngsters, I guess.

No matter, Brett Cecil will be forcing his way into the big league rotation soon enough. Speaking of which.....

Irresponsible hype based on insignificant sample sizes - Las Vegas edition
Brett Cecil - 2-0, 2.45 ERA, 11 IP, 11K (plus some new eyewear)
Brad Mills - 1-0, 0.79 ERA, 11.1 IP, 18K (um....what?)
Brett Wallace - 9 GP, 1.092 OPS, 4 HR (arb date?)

Joe Cowley update
After finally freeing himself from the tyranny that we call Canada, Joe Cowley and his journalistic stylings accompanied the Chicago White Sox to Cleveland. Friday night's attendance? 10,421 (Toronto att: 14,779). Saturday's attendance? 12,885 (Toronto: 17,187).

Looking forward to the article discussing the benefits of moving the Indians to Tijuana or wherever the fuck.