Winter Meetings! Deals will be made!

And we'll be there!

Okay, not really. In fact, after reading the pieces teeing up this year's Nashville confab, we're not sure if we're even going to keep a close watch on what's going on.

To summarize every article we read about the Blue Jays and their strategy heading into the meetings: "The Jays aren't going to do anything. Unless they do. Sneaky buggers!"

Locking up the goodies
If you need some sort of action to keep your pulse aflutter, the Toronto Star says the Jays are looking to lock up Alex Rios and Aaron Hill. It's just like five years ago, when they handed out contracts to Vernon Wells and that fat dude with the crew cut! That worked out kinda okay...Let's do the time warp again!

Tony LaRussa is a baseball genius...

...and don't you forget it.

Incidentally, there's really something that is begging to be said about the inextricable link that we have created in our North American sports culture between booze and sports. But we'll keep it to ourselves for fear of offending our pals over at Drunk Jays Fans.

(Hat tip to the G&M's incomparable Jeff Blair for the link.)

Looking for High Quality CanCon (Celine and Nickelback need not apply)

Let us begin by acknowledging two things:

• That the Celine/Nickelback joke was way too easy.
• That we are about to do that Canadian media thing that we hate.

And yet, heading into the Winter Meetings in Nashville, there are rumblings that both Erik Bedard and Jason Bay may be available for the right price. So would either of them be a fit for the Jays?

The O's are apparently looking for two young Major League ready players and a prospect for Bedard, which might be a bit too much to hand over to a division rival, while the Bucs might be ready to unload Bay and build around some of their own young prospects.

With so much emphasis being placed on teams pursuing Johan Santana this winter, Bedard's price might go up when teams fall out of that race. Still, we're guessing that it wouldn't take as much to pry him out of Baltimore, nor will he cost anything near the $25 million over five years that Santana is seeking. A quick look at their numbers, and it is hard to find why the gap between the two would be so great. (Bedard: 3.16 ERA, 1.09 WHIP, 221 Ks versus 57 BBs; Santana: 3.33 ERA, 1.07 WHIP, 235 Ks versus 52 BBs.)

Bay might come cheap, but he's 29 and coming off an awful 2007 season that was eerily similar to Vernon's (.746 OPS, 21 HRs, 84 RsBI, 4 SBs). The question with Bay is whether if that was a harbinger of things to come, or if his knee injuries held him back that much.

Maybe the most important question is whether if we'd give a flying fadoo about either of these guys if they didn't have a maple leaf on their passport.

Where's Corey Koskie these days?

Powder Blues for Christmas?

Neate notes the rumblings on the Fan 590's flagship program that the official unveiling of the Jays powder blue retro-alt jerseys could be coming any day now. We've been as jumpy-squirmy-anxious as a school girl with Hannah Montana front-row ducats since we first heard in September that the Blue Jays would be bringing the old school unis back. Hell, just look around the page if you want to know the true colour of our Blue Jay Love.

A tip of la casquette to Home Run Derby for their awesome run down of the best of the powder blue jerseys. Dig those red and powder White Sox unis!

This is Vernon's good news story...so why are we worried?

The CP has a story on the progress of Vernon Wells' recovery and rehab from shoulder season at the end of the season. We think that it was supposed to be a good news story, giving fans a sense that V-Dub will be back to 200-hit, 30-homer, 100-RsBI form in 2008. But in reading it, we got stuck on the negatives. (Maybe that's just our way.)

Wells talks about the "anchors" in his shoulder, and how he couldn't lie on his back because they would pull, so he's been sleeping in a recliner. Yeah, that makes us feel really secure. Because nothing says brand new shoulder like anchor-pull pain.

And then there's this quote that will certainly have us sleeping the sleep of angels through the winter:

"Until I start lifting (weights) again I won't truly, truly, know the difference. There's still a little bit of pain in there."

Yeah, that completely calms the nerves.

Wells' rehab from shoulder surgery going well, will be ready for spring, Canadian Press (via Google News)

There's always room for a good Steve Simmons takedown

Cheers to Neate at Out of Left Field for his excellent takedown of smarmy Sun Media hack Steve Simmons, and his off-handed note about the Yankees' 20 MVPs versus the Blue Jays' one.

Simmons has made a career on these careless, mindless swipes. We find his diatribes on TSN's The Reporters so unintentionally comical that they are almost unbearable to watch. Simmons is so pleased with himself when he's about to fire off some juvenile missive that he chokes and drowns on his own self-satisfaction. Or maybe that is just saliva...we're never quite sure.

If only he had the chops to back it up.

Joe Kennedy, R.I.P.

Former Jays pitcher Joe Kennedy has died at the age of 28 of undetermined causes.

It's like our buddy said when he passed along the news: It's sad and unnerving to see someone younger than you die. While we saw him only for a brief time in Toronto, he was a young man with potential that spanned far beyond his baseball career.

Deepest regrets.

Revolving Door: It was nice knowing you, What's-Your-Name

You gotta feel for Cody Haerther. First, he gets put on waivers by the Cardinals, then he gets picked up by a team that can't spell his name.

Then he gets interviewed by Dave Rouleau, and says all the right things about being excited to be in Toronto. Meanwhile, the Jays are DFAing him to make room for David Purcey.

And when it all shakes out, he's right back in Saint Lou, praying for Chris Duncan or Rick Ankiel to trip down the stairs over the winter.

It was nice knowing you, Hather Hether Heathen Heater Hater Hatchling Haerther (if that is your real name).

He may be a Gas Can, but he's our Gas Can

Perhaps we should leave it to Bergkamp at the DJF - the one person left amongst us who still believes in Josh Towers - to discuss the recent news that the Jays are looking at offering arbitration to the Gas Can.

We're just puzzled.

Matt Clement: Didn't we already dodge that bullet?

Ever the bargain shopper, J.P. is apparently sniffing around the 75% bin again for discount starters.

This year's model is Matt Clement, who dissed the Jays before the 2005 season, only to go on to stink it up for the Red Sox for a season and a half. (Actually, he made the All-Star game in 2005, for whatever that's worth.)

Clement's had a wacky injury history. We were actually watching the D-Rays-BoSox game a couple of years back when he took a Carl Crawford line drive off his melon, so we feel for the guy.

If nothing else, last year's foray into marked down arms didn't really cost the Jays much, so maybe it is worth taking a shot on a reclamation project like Clement. Could he really project to be any worse that Gus "The Machine" Chacin?

Welcome to the Blue Jays, whatever your name is

Someone might want to invest in a little liquid paper for the Jays communications shop.

In their press release today announcing that they had claimed someone from the Cards, they called him both "Cody Haether" and "Cody Heather". Neither of which is the correct spelling, as we found out when we tried to find out anything about him.

In fact, dude's name is "Cody Haerther". We apologize, but we have no pronunciation guide to offer.

(Update, November 21st - The presser is corrected now. But trust us when we say that we wouldn't make this stuff up.)

Marco! Scutaro! Marco! Scutaro!

The Blue Jays traded a couple of middling minor-leaguers to (who else) Oakland for Marco Scutaro. This presumably fills the yawning gap left after they released Hector Luna last week.

Maybe we're thinking of Scutaro's fantasy value when we say that we like his positional flexibility. Still, he played games at second (13), third (36), short (43), LF (6) and RF (4) last year, so he assumes the Dave Berg role for the 2008 Jays. Which is to say, he won't be good enough to be the everyday player at any position, but you can put him pretty much anywhere in a pinch.

Scutaro's numbers (7 HRs, 41 RsBI in 2007) have been pretty consistent over the past couple of years (5/41 in 2006, 9/37 in 2005), and his career OPS sits at .704.

Oh, yeah: some people like to call him "Lil Papi" because he's allegedly a "clutch" hitter. Which is such a total load of hooey that Dick Griffin is likely already drafting his first column praising Scutaro's clutchiness.

Hey, it's not the most exciting off-season deal...but we get to add a new tag to the blog!

Roy Halladay - Hall of Famer, Pitching Coach to the Stars

What's not to love about Doc?

First, he gets his number retired by the Arizona Fall League, in recognition of the fact that he was the league's first grad to win a Cy Young.

Then, he gets name-checked in his acceptance speech by 2007 NL Cy Younger Jake Peavy, who noted that Halladay had given him some handy tips on fastball grips while playing golf in the off-season.

Whadda guy.

Little Aaron Hill's all growed up

The Fresno Bee reports that Aaron Hill got married on November 10. And not to Russ Adams.

Hill married Elizabeth Kenfield in Monterrey, with seven members of the Blue Jays in attendance, including Vernon Wells and Troy Glaus. Just imagine how awkward it's gonna be in the locker room next year when the rest of the team gets to hear all of the stories about how great the wedding was, even though they weren't invited.

(And don't ask us why the Bee has included this in an article about kids washing their grubby little hands. We don't see the link either.)

Marty York's sources should lay off the hard drugs

Every so often, when we're mired in the middle of a Dick Griffin mailbag, we wonder about the depths to which Toronto baseball journalism can sink.

And then we remember Marty York.

In York's column published today in Metro (that soggy bit of mush you walked over when exiting the subway), he barfed out this dubious little nugget:

"Could Roger Clemens be returning to Toronto?

The future Hall of Famer has decided to start collecting some of the $3-million US he’s owed by the Houston Astros, who signed him to a personal-services agreement in 2004. That may mean he’s finally ready to retire, but it could also mean he’ll extend his pitching career for a smaller base salary.

And sources tell me the Blue Jays are seriously thinking of pursuing both Clemens and his pal, Andy Pettitte. (I wonder if they’ll offer Canadian money.)"

No. Really.

York's connection to reality has apparently been completely severed. Even if some drunk were to spin a yarn such as this, there's no way that you could plausibly a) believe it or b) print it without doing irreparable damage to your journalistic reputation.

Which, when you think about it, is all pretty much moot for York.