Don't call it a comeback (or a game thread)

In his first start since sneezing his way onto the DL, RR Cool Jay (h/t to the Blue Jay Hunter) will look to rock his peers and put suckas in fear against the Bodymore O-Wee-Oh-Wee-Ohs. The O's will counter with a rookie named Jason Berken, whose name rhymes with "merkin", which makes us laugh.

First pitch is at 7:05, but we're pacing already. For some reason, this is the most nervous and aggravated we've been for a Jays game so far this season.

(Or that could just be our nervous system reacting to the five puffs off a cigarette that we took this afternoon, our first nicotine hit in nine days. Like we said over on the Twitter, if the Jays lose, we're smoking a full carton tonight.)

This is not a threat (or a thread, or a liveblog or an open forum)
We don't want to get accused of stealing the DJF's shtick (yet again) by having a Game Threat. But since the comment section during yesterday's game was such a hootenany, we'd invite you to feel free to stop by in the comments this evening if you need to vent, kvetch, cajole, protest, carp, whine, nitpick, or celebrate the glory that is a Jays victory. We'll be there intermittently, if we don't lose our mind first.

Just once, for old time's sake
You know what? PENNANT!!!!1

Pre-Game Updatery - Rios grabs some pine!
Robert MacLeod (who has not yet asked to be referred to as Bobby MacLeod, but we're sure it's in the mail) reports that Voodoo Joe will hit ninth and patrol right field (Cue LJ swooning) in the place of Alex Rios.

Which, if it is an actual benching, is kinda bullshit, because Rios hasn't played half bad in the past week.

Lind will hit third, and Vernon Wells will pop up to the infield from the cleanup spot. (I kid! I kid!)

The Jays are getting sleepy
Big League Stew posits that the Jays' slide may have something to do with their bizarre and punishing schedule.

A One-Sentence Post on...The Happiest Dreams Ever

Last night we fell asleep with the game on, woke up just in time to see Lyle Overbay's eighth inning three-run blast, then rolled over to have the happiest dreams ever about pennants (!!!1) and the postseason (!!!1).

Weekend observations from MTL

We'll confess straight away to not having seen much of the Jays' weekend sweep of the Orioles, as we spent the weekend shopping, drinking, eating, drinking, cavorting, drinking, smoking, drinking, traipsing and drinking our way around Montreal. So you can take this recap for what it is worth.

Seeing is believing
We followed most of the series through our Blackberry, but we were fortunate enough to catch the telecast of the last innings of Saturday's walkoff win. We're not sure that we would have believed that Rod Barajas could score from second on a single if we'd read it on the pitch-by-pitch recap, but there he was, rumbling home to score the winning run at a speed you could have timed with a sundial. That's the kind of season this Jays team is having.

(And as for Aaron Hill, who hit said single: M!V!P! M!V!P! M!V!P!)

Believing the hype
We live in a world of hyperbole. Frankly, everybody exaggerates about everything all the time. And so with that in mind, we can say this: the smoked meat at Schwartz's Deli absolutely lives up to the advanced billing. We're not sure that we could ever eat an smoked meat sandwich anywhere else after savouring for ourselves how absolutely magnificent the real deal tastes.

And speaking of hype, we're glad to see that Robert Ray, the object of our recent overstated affections, delivered just enough to keep the Jays in Saturday's game. We expect that he'll get another start or two before the cavalry returns, so here's hoping that he can keep his walks down, hold the fort and improve on his first Major League appearance.

Les Expos ne sont plus là
Here's an odd observation from the weekend: We saw more Blue Jays caps than Expos caps in Montreal this weekend. We're not saying that our isolated observation is in any way representative of reality, nor are we insinuating that Montreal has somehow embraced the team from Toronto since the departure of their own team.

Still, it seemed odd to see that many Jays casquettes in Montreal, and frankly, it made us sad all over for the way that the 'Spos left town.

More on the Expos-Blue Jays connection
A question for the commenters: Al Oliver was the best player to play for both the Blue Jays and the Expos. Discuss.

Ending on a happy note
First place! Pennant!

Sunday quick-hitters (pitchers)

BOOM.....Ricky Romero is pitching like a rookie of the year candidate.

BOOM.....Scott Downs is proving that he just might be the best left-handed set-up man in baseball.

BOOM.....BJ Ryan looked strong in picking up his second save of the season.

BOOM....the Jays are 10-4. Ten wins, four losses.

(somebody else say it for me....)

Dreamin' on the Jays - Spring Training '09 edition

The weekend has arrived at the Tao of Stieb, and by now, you should all be well aware of what that entails.

(What, another shitty post by the weekend contributor? Short answer - yes.)

This week, I'm going to exercise the powers and creative control vested in me by our benevolent benefactor, the Tao, and indulge in a little game of "If". So play along, won't you friends? Cue soothing background music....

If....Roy Halladay is physically able to pull his uniform on for 33 starts, and

If....Jesse Litsch proves that he's more Jim Clancy than Jeff Musselman, and

If....Matt Clement pitches like it's 2002, and

If....the rotation catches some lightning in a bottle (uh...let's make that 2 bolts of lightning) with one (or two) of the young arms in camp, and

If....BJ Ryan goes back to being the pre-Tommy John BJ Ryan, and the rest of the bullpen does everything exactly the same as they did in '08, and

If....Vernon Wells' revolutionary idea of working with a personal trainer pays dividends, and

If....Cito can (finally) unleash the inner masher in Clean Hands Rios, and

If....phenoms Sniderman and Young Adam Lind meet our unreasonably high expectations, and

If....Lyle Overbay's hurting hand finally feels better (and maybe more accurately, if his head is screwed on straight), allowing him to put up the .300 batting average, 20+ HR, and 40+ doubles (b-b-b-boner) he flashed in 2006, and

If....Scott Rolen's (fuck off about the contract, already) re-jigged swing lets him make an effective 145 starts at the hot corner, and

If....the supremely underrated Aaron Hill can just get back to being the non-concussed version of Aaron Hill, and

If....Rod Barajas and Marco Scutaro can.....nah, the Red Sox won with Varitek and Lugo, so we'll give them a pass, and

If....Kevin Millar's 2009 Cowboy Up routine is more John Wayne than Jake Gyllenhaal,

........we just might be onto something this season.

Not coming next week, the flip side of "If".

(If you want that story, feel free to just click on over to any number of other wwwebsites - or stop by your favourite newsstand, throw a dart at the sports section, and read whatever you happen to hit.)