Wasn't That a Party

Amidst all of the controversy around whether the Rocket was or wasn't at a party with Jose Canseco 10 years ago, comes this report from The Onion that Canseco is trying to insert himself in the story even more by trying to lure several current players (including a couple of notable Jays) to a steroid party. The line between satire and reality has never been so blurry.

In lieu of Clemens commentary, we offer the following

A picture of Rilo Kiley's racktacular red-haired lead singer Jenny Lewis. Mrrroawwwr.

There's an almost infinite amount of commentary on the Clemens-MacNamee showdown at the OK Congress today. We just don't care enough at this point to get into the finer points of ass pustules and Debbie Clemens' HGH use and MacNamee's weird medical waste memorabilia collection.

Sing on Jenny.

Back to the Grind

It seems like we've been out of our routine for months, what with our extended holiday break. We're finding it hard to find the motivation to get up and take on that world again, and somehow, our mantra of "pitter patter, let's get at 'er" just isn't as effective as we would have hoped.

Roger Clemens: Wordsmith, Vioxx victim
We hadn't intended to watch the Rocket's lame denials on 60 Minutes last night, but we're glad that we did. We were getting a little soft on the big Texan, sensing that he was going to become the media punching bag for much of the misdirected rage about PEDs.

That was until Clemens spat out that first line: "I'm angry that what I've done for the game of baseball, and what I've done in my private life, that I don't get the benefit of the doubt."

Without question, Clemens career performance (enhancers aside) is amongst the most exceptional in the history of the game. But if you were to remove Clemens entire career and indeed his existence from the history of baseball, the game would have proceeded along pretty much as it did. He's not that important, nor is any single player. The game is much bigger than "all he's done for it". Arrogant prick.

Amongst Clemens other bon mots:

• "If (MacNamee)'s putting that stuff in my body...I should have a third ear coming out of my forehead. I should be pulling tractors with my teeth."
• "I was eatin' Vioxx like it was Skittles! And now, these people who were supposedly regulatin' it tell me it's bad for my heart!"
  
• "I understand that as a public person, you're gonna take some shots. The higher you get on the flagpole, the more your butt shows."
  

(Quick question on that last one: does Clemens generally climb flagpoles while wearing a skirt?)

And now, in a heart-warming turn, Clemens has announced his intention to sue McNamee.

Reed Johnson will run like a girl in a Blue Jays uniform for one more year
Maybe it's the economy of baseball, or maybe it's the Canadian dollar, or maybe someone out there thinks that Reed Johnson's varied facial hair exemplifies his "heart". That's about the best that we can come up with to describe why Johnson got a slight raise after doing poo-poo and pee-pee in the bed all last year. Which isn't to say that we're not rooting for him...it's just that, you know, Josh Towers had one good season too.

Mitchell Report: It's all Toller Cranston's fault

Remember when Toller Cranston was on Off The Record with Roger Clemens shortly after he came to the Jays, and the figure skater asked him why baseball players were so fat?

And then around the same time, the Rocket starts getting testosterone shots in the ass at the SkyDome Hotel from Brian McNamee.

Coincidence?

We've Seen The Future And It Is Clemens

Check out this hilarious clip.

Would I Lie To You?

JP Riccardi's admission is hardly the first lie in baseball circles. Some other famous fibs:

1. Jeff Kent - Several years ago Jeff Kent started the season on the DL with an injured wrist. The Lie? He told everybody that he injured his wrist washing his car. The Truth? He hurt his wrist after he wiped out while doing a "wheelie" on his motorcycle.


2. Tim Johnson - In his tenure as Jays manager, Johnson was tasked with motivating a team with a lot of youth and some ego-maniacal veterans (we're looking at you Jose Canseco). The Lie? Johnson motivated his men by telling them war stories from his tour of duty in Vietnam. The Truth? The closest that Tim Johnson came to being in combat was buying some shorts at Old Navy during a sidewalk sale.


3. Pete Rose - After a sure thing hall of fame career, Rose helmed his Cinncinati Reds in the mid to late 80's. He soon came under fire as allegations arose that he was a heavy gambler. The Lie? Rose swore that he never bet on baseball. The Truth? Not only did he bet on baseball, he bet on his own team every single game.


4. Junior Felix - The man who caught the final out in Dave Stieb's no-hitter was a sparkplug in his rookie year. There was a lot of optimism as the young outfielder looked to be a fixture in the Jays lineup for years to come. The Lie? That he was young. The Truth? Felix turned out to be several years older than advertised.


5. David Wells - So many to choose from. Let's try this one. How about the one concerning the perfect game that he threw for the Yanks. The Lie? Wells wrote in his autobiography that he was "half-drunk" on the mound that day. The Truth? Perhaps he was forced into this, but he retracted his statement about being drunk.


6. Roger Clemens - The Rocket, after weighing several options, signed with the Yankees for the remainder of the 2007 season. The Lie? Clemens said that signing with the Yanks had nothing to do with the money. The Truth? Clemens had 10 million more reasons to sign with the Bronx Bombers than with the Red Sox.