Assume all of the standard caveats about these being fake games, and the Ghosts of Jason Lane and Simon Pond, and what have you. And also assume the caveats about how it doesn't matter if you are crushing fastballs that are slow and straight (like Adam Carolla fans!) in March. Or April. Or September. And possibly May. Maybe August too.But set all that aside for a brief moment, and let's drink this in. Let's savour the sweet spring of José Bautista. Let's swish it around in our mouths, and let it just sit there for a moment or two.
Here's what the man has done in five Fake Games so far: He's got 22 total bases in 14 at bats. He sports a 2.214 OPS (.643 OBP, 1.571 SLG). He's got nine hits, of which seven are for extra bases (four doubles and three homers). He's scored six and driven in six. And he's played third base while certain other Jays tend to the health of their fat, injured wrists.
Sure, we know it's totally wrong to fall in love with something so young and as-yet-unformed-and-immature. But if the Spring of Jo-Bau is Lolita, then we're the fumbling, bumbling Humbert Humbert, tripping over our own better sense to fall for it.
Nice Adam Corolla line.
ReplyDeleteAny man who gives himself the nickname "Ace" deserves to be ridiculed.
ReplyDelete(So says the man who calls himself "Tao"...)
You'll still call me Iceman when we play beach volleyball, right?
ReplyDeleteDoes this mean that you'll be taking Bautista in your RotoWorld Fantasy Baseball pool?
ReplyDeleteThe Carolla line is gold. He didn't really give himself "Ace" as a nickname? No one can be that dumb.
ReplyDeleteTo anyone out there with the power to determine this (I'm a hard-at-work government employee so obviously have no time), how is Jo-Bau's 3rd base defence? If Encarnacion is hurt for a while, which will probably happen sooner or later, will the D suffer?
And in searching for how to spell "Encarnacion" I noticed that "Cliff Johnson" has been discussed three times. Can we have some more of that action please?
I love Cliff Johnson. I could talk about Cliff Johnson for a week straight.
ReplyDeleteIf I ever write a book, it's going to be 75% Cliff Johnson, 20% Al Oliver and 5% Jimmy Key. (And if necessary, I'll find some marginal space to talk about red-haired starlets. Just to round things off.)
Here's one of the things that makes Cliff Johnson so goddamned awesome: He comes back to the Jays, who have the aforementioned Al Oliver as a lefty DH, wearing number 0. And Cliffy is all like: "Seriously, fuck it. I'm gonna be Double Zero! "00". Make the jersey up now, boys.
This is where the Jays totally miss out. They try to sell you a powder blue jersey with number 10 on it, but there wasn't anybody who was any good at all who wore number 10 back then.
But I would totally buy a 00.
Because Cliff Johnson is that awesome.
But I digress.
There's no room for, uh, Dave Stieb in this book of yours?
ReplyDeleteYou see, people would just expect us to write about Stieb. But you've gotta draw the line somewhere.
ReplyDeleteI'm sticking to my guns on this one.
Dave Collins - #10 no?
ReplyDelete60 SB's in a year no one has come close?
Mind you it was 1984, not 1985
Wasn't the grasshopper Len Matusak #10 in 85
As Edith Bunker would say....those were the days.....
Not to give Cito-Clarence-The Manager too much credit, but I seem to remember people grumbling about Marco Scutaro batting lead off for the Jays last year. I think we were all pleasantly surprised to see that work out so well.
ReplyDeleteI, for one, am looking forward to seeing if a similar situation plays out this year. Helping slightly older hitters reach their full potential does seem to be one area where the current regime has had some success.
Cliff Johnson and Al Oliver are my all-time favourite Jays DH's. I thought you were younger than that? You actually recall those days?
ReplyDelete@Gil Fisher
ReplyDeleteDude, I'm as old as Nebuchadnezzar's nappies. I remember Roy Lee Jackson and Luis Leal. (Not well, mind you. But still.)
@sutpen
Most importantly, Jo-Bau has assumed the magic number 19 jersey from Scoots. If he does well, I'm gonna go ahead and get a 19 tattoo on my back in the old school Jays number font.
I never saw Cliff Johnson play, but I know that he punched out Goose Gossage, and that's somethin'.
ReplyDeleteTopcat is all right by me.
@Tao,
ReplyDeleteI would prefer that all Al Oliver references be given his real name for clarity. "Scoop" from now on please.
Tao - put me down for a copy of your book!
ReplyDeleteYou could title it: "The Key to AL you ever wanted to know about Cliff"
Or not.
I've been cautiously optimistic about Jo-Bau as well. It's amazing what can happen if you know what your role is after bouncing around for so many years.
ReplyDeleteTao, not only do I remember Roy Lee Jackson and Luis Leal (a bit), I also remember Rick Bosetti patrolling the outfield.
on a mildly related topic, with the twinkies interested in frasor, is there a package to be made for delmon young here? right now the twinks have an outfield of kubel, span, and cuddyer, with jim thome as dh. does frasor + a young controllable starting pitcher make it happen?
ReplyDeleteThe Carolla line is gold. He didn't really give himself "Ace" as a nickname? No one can be that dumb.
ReplyDeleteSpeaking as a moderator of the message board devoted to him... He used it as a tongue-in-cheek nickname for himself when he did Loveline. Eventually, this evolved into a bit where he would parody those horrible drive-time DJs who have lightening rounds, bang cowbells and talk about naked porn stars.
On topic though, I love watching spring training games solely for bizarre lines like Bautista's. As a former Little League all-star with absolutely no real baseball talent, I can appreciate any guy who puts up zany numbers in a small sample size against inferior competition. I mean, I once hit .600 in a full little league season.
How about Otto "the swatto" Velez or Rico Carty?
ReplyDeleteI'm digging the Humbert Humbert reference, you old dirty bastard
ReplyDeleteClassy literature references Monsieur...
ReplyDeleteNo room for Dave Lemanczyk in the book? And as long as we're talking Als, how about a little love for Al Woods.
ReplyDeleteI'd trade Tallet for Delmon Young. Straight up.
ReplyDelete