Blogging Letterman style (or, 10 reasons I'm excited for the '09 season) - Pt I

First things first, I feel like I owe everyone who takes the time to read this an apology. I've had a horseshit offseason and have not been delivering the goods. I'm better than that. Wait a minute - no, I most definitely am not better than that. Even still, reading over some of my posts over the last few months leaves me (and you, I'm sure) underwhelmed.

To right this wrong, I'm going to resort to a highly original concept and list off 10 reasons why I am STOKED about the 2009 Blue Jays baseball season. Hey, if you can't find a beacon of light here at the Tao of Stieb to shine through all the negativity surrounding the team, where are you gonna find it, huh?

(as an aside, and I wasn't going to sully the post with my own selfish agenda, but fuck it......THERE IS TIME TO MAKE THIS RIGHT, ROGERS. COME TO YOUR SENSES AND AIR THE HOME OPENER ON SPORTSNET WEST INSTEAD OF SOME BULLSHIT REGULAR SEASON CALGARY FLAMES HOCKEY GAME. JESUS!)

On to the business at hand....

10. Because contending team or not, it's baseball, baby
We're all friends here, right? No? Then fuck off! For those of you still here, I have a confession to make....until April 28, 1996, baseball was my summer fling. For the months of October through April, my heart belonged to another, and I thought we'd be together forever. Then a man who makes Bud Selig look competent and handsome swooped in and destroyed our marriage. I've yet to recover.

Desperate for a rebound, I latched onto the only other who had been there for me through it all. Baseball. My summer obsession became a full blown addiction, and here we are.

My name is the Ack, and I'm addicted to baseball.

9. Because we've got the Doc
Know this - the Toronto Blue Jays could finish last in the division and smell worse than my winter's contributions, but for 32 or 33 nights this season, we will have bliss (yeah yeah yeah - barring injury or - barf - trade).

There's really nothing more that I can say about Roy Halladay that hasn't already been said by other bloggers or major media outlets. I will remind you, however, that beneath the stainless steel exterior lies a cyborg heart of gold.

(Did someone open a window? Did it just get a little dusty in here?)

8. Because I believe in Scott Rolen
People just loooove to dump on Ricciardi for bringing in Scott Rolen, don't they? (Exception - here.)

"Everyone knows that he's got a bad shoulder! He's Johnny Mac at 3rd base! He's always hurt! He makes too much money! I'm unhappy with my life and projecting those feelings of disappointment on JP Ricciardi!"

Well, I've got a news flash for you. He's going to smash 60 extra base hits and play the ever living shit out of the hot corner this season. I believe in Scott Rolen.

7. Because Matt Mays predicts post-season success
My favourite lyric of the year:

"The National Post front page said
George W. Bush is dead
And the Jays beat the Reds!
10 million people broken hearted"

(late research edit - so, it seems the Jays do have a regular season interleague series against Cincy this season. Matt Mays most definitely penned those lyrics before the release of the 2009 MLB schedule, therefore, we are forced to believe he was, indeed, referring to a World Series matchup. Sorry, Ohio.)

6. Because I get to do this
I thought that I would wait until my one-year anniversary (or something equally sentimental and girlish) to throw a public shout out to my benefactor, the Tao, for allowing me to pollute his blog on the weekends. But hey, seems we don't need to wait for a nice even anniversary to celebrate these things, so here it is.

Thanks, Tao, for the space, and for trusting the site's good name with my nonsense, and thanks to everyone for reading and commenting - good, bad, or otherwise. I'll tell you what, venting to a public audience sure beats rocking in the fetal position in my (mother's - heyo!) basement with the lights turned off after yet another one run defeat featuring numerous squandered bases-loaded opportunities (hypothetically, of course).

Later in the weekend - Part II....