Reading Michael Hiestand's piece in USA Today on ESPN sideline sweetie Erin Andrews got us to thinking about the sorry state of babes in the Blue Jays universe. Surely, we Blue Jays fans deserve to have someone serve as the focus of our admirations, if not our dirty dreams.
There have been contenders in the recent past: The Drunk Jays Fans have gone on at length about their love of former in-game hostess-with-the-mostest Jill Clark, pictured below.
Alas and alack, poor Jill wasn't invited back (yay! More Ryan Greer assaulting our eardrums!)
There's also a whole slew of anchorthingies out there that could be the objects of our affections, but your typical Horton-Hedger-Osmak are more focussed on sniffing the hinies of the Maple Leaves, and Martine Gaillard has been around so long that she feels more like a kooky cougar aunt than a sex object. We don't mind looking at Daru Dhillon, who looks hot in skinny jeans in spite of the random places where she decides to drop h's in her name, but we fear that she might just spontaneously combust if someone took her teleprompter away from her.
And again, those are all women who spend the vast majority of their waking lives in Agincourt, so as pent up with testosterone as the brawling masses at the Rogers SkyDome seem to be, it's hard to lust after someone who's safely tucked so far away from the city centre.
We need a babe on the sidelines.
(And we say this with all due deference to Sam Cosentino...you maybe be the prettiest guy on the Sportsnet telecast, but the brush cut is just way too Susan Powterish for us to cut you any slack here.)
It's not like this is a novel idea. When Sportsnet first started to dig into the Jays coverage six years ago, they had ski bunny Ashley Herod hosting J-Zone and flouncing about the SkyDome during games to ask people how they felt. It was as though she was singing Bob Dylan karaoke, but the disc got stuck. Those were dark days indeed.
From there, we had Hazel Mae.
And it says something about the sorry state of babes in Jaysland that we still hear people pining for her, five years after she took her pixie-sized frame and her platform heels to Massholechusetts.
Seriously boys, we need something to fixate on other than Wilner, or we might just as well throw in the towel along with our dignity, grab us a twenty-sided dice and head down to the basement for a marathon game of Mazes and Monsters.
So who are the candidates? Who can possibly step up and make themselves available to be drrrroooled over by a bunch of, well, drunk jays fans?
There are the hot servers who work the "In The Action" seats, but lately, they seem to be avoiding the camera. And they don't seem hot enough anymore to make us want to break the bank to legitimately buy one of those seats. (We'd probably be more interested in talking to Geddy Lee than flirting with them, and we're kinda anti-prog.)
After some consideration, we feel that we're left with one last option. One babe to rule us all: Nicorette Girl.
She's the babe in the green hoodie and short-shorts who stands beside the aforementioned idiot Greer during a between innings promotion, mostly just to be there and look hot. And good gosh'amighty, does she look hot.
(Mind you, we're not sure if there is just one babe, or if Nicorette sends blister packs of eight Nicorette Girls, and the Jays just pop them out through the foil as they need them.)
In any case, we're making a request. If you're at the games this week and weekend, do us a solid: snap a picture of Nicorette Girl, and send it our way. If we're going to get our random idolatry movement off the ground, we're gonna need us some visuals to get things started.
(And if you are Nicorette Girl, then please know this: we love you. We didn't plan it this way. It just happened. But please don't get creeped out by us just because we write Brattainian posts in you honour. We might even quit smoking for you!)