To prepare for the veritable orgy of meaningful games to come, we’ve gone through the matchups to determine who’s good, who’s evil, who we’ll be rooting for and why.
First up, the American League.
Red Sox, the Good: Fenway Pahk; the best unis in MLB; Big Papi; Manny being Manny; Tim Wakefield’ knuckler; Good Canadian Boy™ Eric Gagné.
Red Sox, the Evil: They’re AL East rivals; Curt Schilling’s ego; the stupendous payroll; Massholes; the endless self-satisfaction with the whole “Sweet Caroline” thing; our good friend constantly telling us “they look really good”; Fat Wisconsin Boy™ Eric Hinske.
Angels, the Good: Vlady; Howie Kendrick; Mike Scioscia looking tubby and intense; John Lackey bringing heat; that amazing bullpen.
Angels, the Evil: That whole “Los Angeles of Anaheim of Orange County of California of the U.S. of Planet Earth” tomfoolery; excessive shots of the Rally Monkey; the fact that Dick Griffin loves their “small ball” approach.
Verdict: It pains us to say it, but we can’t really root for the Angels if it means making a smug Dick exponentially more smug (smugger?). Therefore, we’re supporting the Red Sox, but with great fundamental reservations.
Indians, the Good: That lineup; Pronk!; V-Mart’s offense; the one-two punch of C.C. and Fausto; a really good bullpen (with one notable exception).
Indians, the Evil: The insensitive name; the offensive logo; V-Mart’s defense; their dubious closer.
Yankees, the Good: It’s good to have a villain in the postseason; Yankees Stadium in October is intense; possible matchup with Red Sox in second round would be fun.
Yankees, the Evil: A-Rod, Absurd payroll; AL East Rivals; Herpes; hearing about the “Joba Rules” on an endless loop; pretty much everything else, really.
Verdict: The Tribe's our team this postseason, and we want them to crush the Yankees' heads. Crush crush crush.